Should I apologise, or is it pointless?

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 5 days, 17 hours ago.

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  • #813283 Reply

    Grace hope

    So I’ve met this guy through mutual friends a few times. We’ve always had great chemistry, but nothing other than strong flirting has happened the times we’ve met before.
    However through the mutual friend we ended up on a group holiday together and one thing led to another and we slept with each other a few times over the week.
    But the issue is that on those nights, there was a strange amount of conflict between the two of us.
    He is in a very tricky time of his life, having split up with a 10 year girlfriend last year, so I think he is quite lost and confused in general.
    Anyway, after this holiday I feel an urge to send him a text just saying sorry for any situations which upset him and that in hindsight I wish I’d handled things better.
    I fear it may just make him feel annoyed or overly vulnerable, or make me seem needy or desperate for some reason.

    #813287 Reply


    I would let it go. If you do text, keep it friendly and positive. Bringing up the past will only make it look like you care too much, it’s in the past. Men tend to not dwell on things. Women, tend to over think things, I do it too. We are human. But talks like that is better in person.

    #813289 Reply


    Be honest, thats not why you want to text him

    #813322 Reply


    What outcome are you hoping for by sending this text? Bringing up things that caused conflict- basically reminding him – is never a good idea if you aren’t in a relationship.

    Have you been in contact since the holiday?

    #813338 Reply

    Liz Lemon

    If he’s just out of a 10 year relationship in the past year, he still has a lot to work through. I would not make the conflict about you. If there was conflict it was most likely because he (understandably) is an emotional mess. Women have a tendency to make everything about ourselves. If a guy is behaving oddly, or distant, etc, we blame ourselves when many times it has nothing to do with us.

    I agree that texting an apology will make you look needy, and it’s never good to bring up old conflicts with a guy who isn’t your boyfriend, as has already been stated.

    Also, maybe I’m overthinking it, but I think it’s possible that he had mixed feelings about sleeping with you those nights. He may have felt internal conflict and it came out externally. Or he wanted to sleep with you, but did not want it to lead anywhere– because creating conflict definitely sends that message (and now you are afraid to contact him). Does that make sense? By that I mean, he wanted to get laid, but did not want you to get attached or think it was going anywhere, so he acted like an a$$hole.

    Bottom line, I would not contact him. I’d leave him alone unless he reaches out to you first. I doubt he’s thinking about it as much as you are, honestly, given his situation.

    #813346 Reply


    i agree with @ Liz. dont apologise. u have nothing to be sorry about. if hes genuinely interested in you, there is a possibility that once hes over his confusion and guilt he may reach out. also the fact that you have mutual frnds could work in your favor. i think you shld not reach out for the present.

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