Shall I fly to see him?

Home Forums Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals Shall I fly to see him?

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    Went on a date with this guy after talking online for a couple months. Instantly had connection. On our first date he said he really likes me. Second date went really well too and he said he wants to be with me. I was confused and thought he meant he wanted to officially date but he didn’t give me a clear answer when I asked to clarify. (I don’t have much dating experience, and he’s the first one I dated here since I immigrated). He’s the fastest I’ve ever gone with a guy, getting close and intimate in a couple dates. I told him I am a virgin and I’d like to wait and he said he respects that. He asks me stuff about my plans for marriage and told me he thinks I’ll be a good mom someday. (don’t know exactly where that came from).

    He went on vacation for a month after, and still kept contact. He’s great and all in person he was the talkative and clingy one but he’s not into texting and calling. When I brought that up, he said he’ll try harder for me. While on vacation in another country, he would go a week without texting. He would view what I share on social media and will like my posts but leave my last message on “read”. I know I went overboard when I asked him why we aren’t talking and that I want us to check on each other at least once every two days since we’re trying to be in a relationship. (I really wish I didn’t say that and just waited and enjoyed what we have but let’s just say I asked advice from the wrong people and didn’t think things through). It’s just that I came from a more conservative dating culture and it was bothering me that we were doing couple stuff without actually hearing clear intentions from him. I told him upfront though before we went on a date that I’m not looking for hookups and that I’m looking for something serious. I’ve been single and wasn’t actively searching for 5 years now until I went out with him.

    After he got back from a month long vacation he didn’t contact me until my package arrived. (I sent him a surprise graduation gift). I then asked him if I could visit him. We talked and watched a movie. He was being weird and not as sweet but I initiated and we had sex (my very first time, I was a virgin before him). It was quick because I had to leave already. I was disappointed it wasn’t like I imagined it would be. (I had no regrets though, because I like him a lot) I asked him again why he wasn’t responding to my texts as much and if he didn’t like me anymore, he said he still likes me but he was just busy and I said I understand. He said he can’t fulfill my wish to receive calls from him because he hates calling, and I said that’s okay.

    He was about to move then to the other side of the country for work, but he said he’ll keep in touch through chat/text. He replies everyday for 2 months now since he left, but very basic conversation. No flirting etc. But sometimes he would open up about his worries and stress from work. I try my best to listen and give advice and cheer him up. He’s extremely busy and again I understand that and I really appreciate he tries. I told him this summer I might have the chance to fly and visit him, he said that would be awesome and that I’ll always have a place to stay there. Now I was asking if it’s really okay for me to visit (because I was about to book the flight), he said he’s not sure yet what his schedule will be like next month. I said let me know soon because I have to finalize my travel plans. He hasn’t responded for a day (I know I have to wait, but for how long? The flight prices will rise up lol) I am writing this post to ask for advice because I’m afraid my timing and what I will say will ruin stuff more.

    PS: -We’re both in our mid-20s.
    -He’ll be there on the other side of the country for 4 years for work.
    -He works avg 60 hrs per week.
    -We aren’t in a relationship right now. He told me when he left that he’ll see me when he visits home on the holidays. It’s like he implied it’s gonna be an open not-so-relationship.
    -Tables have turned really, because in the beginning I didn’t really like him while he was all about me and now I’m the one chasing.
    -I might still go regardless of what he says because I have a friend who wants to come see the city with me and another friend who lives there who would love to see me. (whether he says yes or no, I’ll have somewhere to stay. but I was hoping I can stay at least a night with him because he initially said “you’ll always have a place to stay here”)

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