Shal i message him

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Lane 10 months ago.

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  • #668672 Reply


    Hello all
    M in a dilemma not knowing what to do…
    This guy and me were friends before, then a time came where we thought of taking it a step further and getting into a relationship provided good chemistry we had and all. He liked me too but he said lets take some time and pray about our decision. We both come from a very different background, different culture, different country where he has a lot parental pressure about such matters, which according to him was a stone in our way. So we got into one month of praying and thinking about what to do ( which i felt awkward because my definition of love told me that it conquers all but i let it happen for his satisfaction to give him time to discern). So the day came and boomm he said my parents won’t allow this to happen you ll be left in a hostile situation it ll be too much pressure for you bla bla so it came as a no from him.
    It was very hard for me but I thought there is nothing i can do here if he is not willing to be courageous.
    Long story short it was very hard for me to stay friends with him after all this (but he was all fine and not bothered at all). so i asked him to give me some break to which he happily agreed and he himself said that we ll talk after ten days and see how is it going. Today is the tenth day and i was expecting him to message but i can sense he will not message. It was me who has been doing all the calling and texting always. shall I message him first? because I don’t want to lose the friendship. May be he is thinking that I needed break so i should reach out first. I don’t know if this friendship is even worth it.

    #668674 Reply


    I don’t think you should. 10 days is not very much time to get over him and you haven’t. I would say to wait to get back in touch until you feel nothing romantic for him at all, maybe a few months.

    I would let it go. It sounds like you have been driving the whole relationship and he’s just been going along, and you deserve better from partners AND friends.

    #668717 Reply


    If you are wondering if this ‘friendship’ is worth it, then you already know the answer, just dont want to admit it. Ask yourself what do you want. But if you ask me- its not worth it. You are here doing all the job. Love is both giving and taking. You deserve better

    #668719 Reply


    It wasn’t meant to be. Quit kicking the dead horse.

    #668721 Reply


    Don’t text him. He is fully aware of the ten day timeframe as he suggested it. Don’t bother with this friendship. It sounds like he’s fine without it and you need to be as well.

    #668724 Reply


    NO, DO NOT MESSAGE HIM. You need a lot of time to fully accept the two of you cannot be romantic partners before you can consider a friendship. Your still pining for him and until the day comes that you can with a clear head and heart know he made the right decision for himself, I would avoid all contact.

    Trust me, love DOES NOT conquer all! Love is a feeling, just like all the other feelings you experience during the day, months and years based on what’s going on in your life in any given moment. You can definitely love someone one day and not the next based solely upon what’s happening or not happening. Sometimes love dies quickly, sometimes it dies slowly, sometimes it becomes dysfunctional or toxic, and sometimes it never dies.

    The last one is the rarest form of love, however its conditioned upon a lot of factors based solely on the two people involved and the amount of hardships they can overcome together as a united front. I’ve only met or known a few of these couples in my lifetime where they all have one theme in common—-they married their best friend.

    Your obstacles are too great for love to conquer as very few are able to make it when ONE has to live with the sacrifices, such as family shunning or banishment. Its a HUGE decision when your the one who has to ultimately make and live with it so I admire him for not taking it lightly or in the ‘heat of the moment’ which is what usually causes the demise of a relationship. After some reflection he decided that going against his family, culture and beliefs wasn’t worth it and until you can fully respect and accept it, its best for you to take the time to grieve the loss and find the peace you need to meet a man that love doesn’t need to conquer.

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