This topic contains 3 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by anon 3 months, 4 weeks ago.
March 22, 2018 at 12:44 pm #694103
Me and my girlfriend have been together for over 4 years, and we are at a point were we are very intimate. However, we have tried having sex several times but have had issues. Whenever penetration is about to happen, she will back down. She told me she wanted it, but it never followed through. Later down the road, also recently, I have found out that she has never really desired penetration and feels intimidated by it. She only told me she wanted to make me happy. She is afraid of pregnancy no matter how many contraceptives we use and precautions we take,and she doesn’t think she would like it to begin with; although,we have never actually tried it. Now,she feels really bad about it because she can’t give me want I want. She also feels like she’s weird or is different from everyone else because “everyone else has it easier than her.” I feel like crap about all of this. I hate that she is hating on herself, but at the same time, it drives me nuts not being able to have sex,as I’m young and have hormones raging through me. I am at a loss for what to do. I don’t like talking to her about it now because I don’t want her to feel bad. It sucks because I am naturally a very sexual person. I wish there was some way to to make penetration more appealing to her. The most we ever do is foreplay.
March 22, 2018 at 12:45 pm #694104
She only told me she wanted it to make me happy*March 22, 2018 at 1:05 pm #694110
I don’t mean to sound insensitive. I want her to be happy, and I love her a lot, but our sexual relationship feels unfulfilling at times. I don’t think I’d want to leave her for something like this. It feels wrong, and I like being with her too much, but at the same time… I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know if I could handle never having sex for the rest of my life.March 22, 2018 at 3:44 pm #694144
100% you need your needs met.
BUT, she may have issues that she needs to address. First off, she clearly needs some education on birth control options. There are many reliable options. I imagine a combo of an IUD/condoms would cover the basis. Throw in some spermicide. Done.
So she needs a trip to the OB GYN, where they can also make sure there aren’t issues that might make it painful for her.
Lastly, she may have a past history of trauma related to sex. If she does, she probably needs some counseling.
This might be a case where if you love her, and she doesn’t come around, she needs to be open to an open relationship. It’s not fair to you, but it might not be possible for her to meet your needs. But she needs to take the steps to try, and if they fail, find an alternative that works.