Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Self Sabotage or no?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 2 years, 4 months ago by
Sophia.
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Queenie
Hey all
I took a bit of a break from online dating because I was getting frustrated with the sheer abundance of creeps. But I decided to try again recently. Met a guy, chatted a bit, turned out we had mutual friends and were going to the same party last weekend. Admittedly I was mildly comforted that our first meet up I would be with a large group of friends and acquaintances (40+). We physically met that evening, spent some time together chatting (albeit at loud bars, so nothing too in depth, but it wasn’t a date per se), he bought me a drink, we had a dance, but we both spent time with our friends separately as well. He walked me and my gf to our ride, said good night, and we’ve been texting since. He asked me for a date the following day, I said yes, he asked what I would like to do, I suggested dinner and billiards. He continued texting, saying how he was excited for our date, had a great time the other night, that I was easy to talk to, etc. well I told him I would be home around 5:30 on the day of our date (which was the following day, today), but he didn’t make any effort for finalizing the dinner (time, place, etc). Come today (“date day”), he didn’t reach out at all, 5:30 came and went, still nothing. I didn’t say anything yet, because I thought after telling him yesterday what time I would be home, that he would at least attempt to finalize the date (location, time etc) but nothing. Am I self sabotaging by not reaching out to plan the date he requested? Admittedly I’m annoyed and tired of being the pursuer, when the guy asks for a date… are guys just clueless and expect women to plan everything? I guess I’m sick of having to put in all the work after the first approach. If you want me, act like it. Plan it. Don’t just talk about it then do, nothing! Am I in the wrong? Should I have followed up? UGH
Thanks all!Raven
Hi Quennie, You’re doing the right thing. Funny how these guys weed themselves out!
Maddie
So you confirmed in advanced what day the date was going to be, and then he didn’t set an actual time and completely flaked on you? You’re not sabotaging anything, he is. Lucky for you, because now you already know not to waste your time. Sorry this happened, though. It’s happened to me in the past and is very frustrating, but it’s also a bullet dodged. Even if he comes back with an excuse, he didn’t give you the courtesy and respect of communicating and canceling as soon as something came up, so don’t fall for it.
Liz Lemon
I’m sorry this happened Queenie! It sucks. You absolutely did the right thing, though. He asked you out, you said yes; he asked what you’d like to do, you told him; then you told him when you’d be home from work. That was his cue to suggest a time, place, whatever. He should have kept the momentum going. The fact that he didn’t reach out today at all, after asking you on a date FOR TODAY, speaks volumes.
So this is totally on him, he dropped the ball big-time. It’s frustrating I know, but if a guy can’t get it together in the most basic way to arrange a date (when you’ve already agreed & told him what you’d like to do), he’s not serious about dating and not worth your time.
Gaia
Hi Queenie,
You are doing fine and not self sabotaging. Get that thought out of your head. These guys are weeding themselves out for you. It’s going to be frustrating and annoying, but keep your head up. I promise you will feel better with your boundaries set firm.I recently had a guy talk to me for a week then ask me on a date. Very specific plans. All he had to do was message me an address. He stood me up. Then 2 days later blamed it on me saying I should have messaged him to remind him. It felt rather empowering to tell him that if he wanted to see me, he’d have sent the address and that since I was not his girlfriend, wife or mother it was not my responsibility to remind him about a date he planned. I then blocked him.
Don’t contact this guy. Why would you even want to pursue a flake like that? He isn’t worth your time if he can’t follow through with his own plans. You deserve better.
Sophia
Hi Queenie.
Time to adjust your crown and say Next! -
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