This topic contains 31 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by jimno 8 months, 1 week ago.
December 6, 2018 at 9:54 am #731361
Sooooo I have gone and messed up….
I start talking to this guy on dating app, he only had one photo so I asked if he could send me more. He said I shouldn’t be so suspicious but agreed to WhatsApp some. The WhatsApp came through with a different name, this made me even more suspicious but he said he had used his middle name for the app. Anyway we continue chatting for a few days and I started to trust he wasn’t a catfish but he has since deleted his app profile and I still had suspicions that he was either a fake or in a relationship or something. We had a date set up for Saturday but today I went and did something stupid by searching him online and the website I used alerted him! Dumb move but now he’s blocked me on WhatsApp. I feel really bad so I sent a text message saying sorry and I understand why he’s blocked me. Do you guys think he can forgive me!? What can I do :-(December 6, 2018 at 9:57 am #731363
how does that happen? How does he know it was you who searched him?December 6, 2018 at 10:05 am #731365
I didn’t know people get alerted for being searched online.
Honestly, you did nothing wrong to search him. With online dating you have to because it’s about being safe. I have a feeling you dodged a bullet with this one.December 6, 2018 at 10:06 am #731366
What website did you use to search on him? and if he has nothing to hide, why did he block you? is it not natural that you want to know all about a stranger you agree to meet with? I also used to search for the men I dated off internet many years ago, I would have not met any of them without knowing a little bit more of them (well, what is available online, anyway).December 6, 2018 at 10:06 am #731364
I used my LinkedIn account to sign up and he must have the version that alerts you when someone searches you. Should have done it anonymously but I didn’t know until after that it has this feature!!December 6, 2018 at 10:09 am #731369
He sounds shady. Something is off. Everybody does a quick online search when they first start talking to someone so even if he did see that you viewed his LI profile, he shouldn’t have been so turned off. I always view that as an obvious sign that someone is interested in me.December 6, 2018 at 10:09 am #731370
It was 192.comDecember 6, 2018 at 10:09 am #731371
It’s ok to investigate. Forget about winning him back.December 6, 2018 at 10:10 am #731372
This is even more harmless than a different search tool, people are on Linkedin exactly for this reason, that everyone can see their profile. Of course you visited his profile, nothing to apologise for.December 6, 2018 at 10:11 am #731368
ah you searched him in LinkedIn…. yes people can see who looked at their profile and searched them. I see nothing wrong with what you did. Perfectly acceptable for someone you met on line. The fact that he blocked you makes me believe he has something to hide.December 6, 2018 at 10:13 am #731373
I didn’t look at his LinkedIn as I already know that one shows who views you. But I signed up to 192 with my LinkedIn account so it shows the details of who viewed you-My full name. I guess no one likes to feel they are being stalked that’s why he’s blocked me. I just feel bad now but yeh should probably just let it go and not make that mistake again ahahaDecember 6, 2018 at 10:23 am #731374
I don’t know- he acted shady with ONE photo and not using real names. There are people who are paranoid online who don’t want too much info out there. He may be one of those. But he also might be shady.
I’m going to bet he is married or in a relationship, and she was out of town Saturday.
Anyhow, bullet dodged.December 6, 2018 at 10:50 am #731378
Today I don’t know why someone would get their panties all wadded up in a knot if someone your going to meet searched you? If you have nothing to hide and haven’t lied then it wouldn’t bother you. I’ve had guys who were interested look at my LinkedIn account and I didn’t care, shows they were curious and at least interested in learning more about me. I did the same if I got a weird vibe as you have to be careful today as there are millions of non-trustworthy people out there and if a guy got creeped out or angry over it then I dodged a bullet, at least that’s how I would look it, and go on my merry way without giving it a thought.
Never apologize for making sure someone’s on the up and up before you meet them, especially if they are using different names on different apps or you feel somethings off as they are in most cases hiding something, like a wife or GF lol.December 6, 2018 at 11:06 am #731382
Why do you care if a complete stranger forgives you? There is obviously something off here. There were several guys I started talking to on dating sites and searched online and it made me no longer interested. One guy had 2 DUIs and another guy had an ex wife with a restraining order supposedly because he had abused her. I had gone out with the last guy twice before I found out about the restraining order and I stopped talking to him. He wanted to know why I wasn’t taking his calls and wouldn’t meet with him again and I told him. He got all pissed off I had searched him and said there are 2 sides to every story. I said that’s true but I just got out of an abusive relationship and it was enough to give me pause in seeing him again. When he got seriously pissed off and verbally chastising me for it I knew I made the right decision.
You are smart to find out as much as you can about a total stranger you are meeting for the first time. NEVER apologize for being smart. As someone else said it’s highly likely you dodged a bullet on this one!!December 6, 2018 at 11:44 am #731388
Oh dear I always seem to take a contrary position! I think that few men searched for information about women they are dating online or otherwise. Perhaps this is perhaps because men view women as being more open and honest.
If you search for me online you will find absolutely nothing,no photographs no FB posts and no Twitter tweets. That is because I have no close friends,I have never used FB and my Twitter account is under a false name. Being a secret tranny means I have to guard my identity at all times online.December 6, 2018 at 12:00 pm #731389
There is nothing to apologize for, his story didn’t match up and you had a gut feeling.
He probably has something to hide as to why he blocked you.
If he reaches out for any reason DO NOT GO OUT WITH HIM.December 6, 2018 at 12:19 pm #731391
OK I feel a bit better now that I didn’t necessarily do anything wrong but he’s probably blocked me because he thinks I am a nutcase stalker lol But oh well, it’s done now and I probably won’t go doing that again without being anonymous :DDecember 6, 2018 at 12:49 pm #731393
“he’s probably blocked me because he thinks I am a nutcase stalker”
No, he blocked you because he has something to hide. Usually guys don’t take down their online dating profiles if they are single until they have an exclusive relationship.
Please don’t think negatively of yourself for checking into someone. Stalking is continuing to track someone down after they say not to. You basically did a background check on someone who lied about their name and was sketchy about photos. That’s not stalking.December 6, 2018 at 12:53 pm #731394
He blocked you because he has something to hide and was fearful of you getting close to it. You’ve likely dodged some sort of bullet. Before I meet anyone for more than a coffee/lunch/etc. date in a public place, I run them through Beenverified and I tell them I’m doing so. I’ve never had anyone not understand that as women in this day and age, where the anonymity of online dating profiles can sometimes put us in danger, we need to protect ourselves. I’ve even had one or two admit to looking ME up and my response has always been, “Great! As well you should.” Someone getting upset for you looking at their LinkedIn profile is a HUGE red flag. Do not tie yourself in knots now trying to prove that you actually trust him, because you have no reason to trust him at this point.December 6, 2018 at 12:53 pm #731395
Think about it. There are a whole lot of sites on the internet that background search people and he registered with one to alert him to people checking up on him. Normal people don’t do that.December 6, 2018 at 1:52 pm #731401
While I was searching I did find that he’s probably quite a high net worth individual, so perhaps that’s what he was trying to hide rather than a gf, or both. Who knows, doesn’t matter now he’s blocked me and obviously doesn’t appreciate being researched. But something in my gut was off that’s why I did it, I could have just gone along on Saturday and taken a risk and everything would have been fine but I also could have walked into something or someone else.December 6, 2018 at 3:53 pm #731412
You know what – all this detective work before you meet someone is just over the top. If you are just meeting someone for an hour or two a coffee or a drink in a public place, you don’t have to go all private investigator beforehand!
A high net worth person would definitely want to maintain their privacy. The problem with snooping on someone before you meet them, is you can find things that you will take out of context or may be just flat out wrong. I don’t blame him for blocking you and you’re right, he’s permanently gone and there’s nothing you can do. Personally, if I found out someone had been digging up info on me before meeting for a drink, it would be a turn-off and I wouldn’t want to meet them – and I’ve got nothing to hide and I’m not high net worth. I’d wonder why they were so paranoid and I’d feel kind of violated.
Now I know some people are going to rail that they or their friend or neighbor had some terrible experience with a real bad hombre online but the truth is, that’s rare. If you can’t just have a pleasant chat with someone for a little while without needing to know their whole life story first, maybe online dating isn’t for you.December 6, 2018 at 4:08 pm #731418
LongTallTexan, I appreciate where you are coming from, I told the story to a male colleague who said he would have been turned off by this also. It’s not something I usually do but there were so many red flags that I felt apprehensive about meeting.
Anyway, I had a WhatsApp from him a short while ago asking what the text message was all about and I think we have reached some common ground. For now the date is still on and I don’t feel so suspicious.December 6, 2018 at 4:12 pm #731419
Longtalltexan, I appreciate where you are coming from, but if a guy values his privacy that he will only provide one picture and is sketchy about his name, he also should not be online dating.December 6, 2018 at 5:32 pm #731442