Saying no to long weekend away


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This topic contains 25 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Joyce 6 days, 9 hours ago.

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  • #728641 Reply

    Sammi

    How do I politely decline an invite for a long weekend getaway? We will be dating for around 2 months at the point of the trip. Although I’d love to go, I think it’s kind of soon for that, especially since we’ve not spent any nights together yet.

    I’ve been working hard on taking advice from here as far as going slow and not overthinking. And I am not overthinking this. I know my answer… I just don’t want to hurt Cal’s feelings or have it be too terribly awkward when I reject his plan.

    #728642 Reply

    Khadija

    Simply tell him you aren’t ready to go away but, look forward to in the future.

    If he is in it for the long haul, this won’t deter him from asking at a later time.

    #728648 Reply

    Newbie

    How do you two view each other by now? Have you talked about being exclusive/ gf/bf?
    I do agree with you that a long weekend is a lot if you havent spend a night yet. But you might want to think about when youre ready to have sex. To me, 2 months sound good to go for it, but of course thats totally up to you and your gut

    #728650 Reply

    Sammi

    Newbie-

    We never had a talk, but he did introduce me to his friends over the weekend as his girlfriend, which I really liked, and he could definitely tell how happy that made me when he said it. I also know he has not been seeing anyone else, and that I’m the first person he’s dated in awhile.

    We won’t be at 2 months til the end of November, when said trip would be. As far as sex goes, I won’t try to stop it when happens.

    Now that he’s said girlfriend, that probably means an overnight will be coming soon?!

    #728651 Reply

    Newbie

    I would go for it. So far it looks good. There are no guarantees but what is your issue with the long weekend? If you are his gf. I so hope this works out for you and it doesnt look bad at all

    #728652 Reply

    Sammi

    I guess my hesitation is that I wasn’t really expecting an offer of a trip this soon and I’m not sure if this is something that can be typical for a new relationship?

    #728657 Reply

    Anne ohio

    I think it’s great that you haven’t had “the talk” meaning you haven’t been pushy and insecure. Seems like he likes you a lot.

    Can he afford a weekend getaway? If you are lucky, he is the type to frequently travel and do fun things. Instead of being a cheapskate who stays at home watching football.

    Or maybe he wants to make the first sex special. But you say you won’t go. OK, fine, you decide. He likes you, whatever you decide is OK with him.

    #728677 Reply

    Janet

    Go have sex and see if you REALLY like each other?
    No point waiting months to fit some societal protocol only to find out you don’t gell in the sack.
    He’s called you GF you’re happy about it – grow up and move to the next level.
    Good Luck x

    #728688 Reply

    Joyce

    He has called you his girlfriend already which is really lovely thing!

    Don’t you dare feel pressure to have sex until you are ready!

    Maybe explain how you aren’t ready for a weekend away just yet. Maybe trial a one night with him before.

    Could be he wants to make it special the first time together.

    Funny enough I dated a guy who referenced me as their girlfriend before actually spending the night with him. It must have been the 7th week of dating. I decided to finally stay the night.

    You can only get to know someone so well from being out on dates. To really know someone it’s about being lazy with them. So I decided to stay a night at his.

    It was lovely. We didn’t have sex. We cuddled and kissed. Watched films and fell asleep together. Woke up the next day and got ready for work.

    Made me respect him so much more for not pushing for sex. Despite not having sex with him that night I spent I felt so close to him.

    There are other ways of feeling intimate with someone and having sex is not the only way.

    I suggest when you are ready spend a night with him and go from there. If you want to have sex with him then do so. If not just enjoy his company.

    Wish you the best of luck

    #728718 Reply

    kaye

    So you’ve only been dating like 5 weeks? I really think being around someone 24/7 for a weekend is the best way to see if you are compatible. As a matter of a fact I know several couples who broke up after the first trip together because it showed them things about the person they didn’t like. I would encourage you to go and tell him that you may or may not be ready for sex by this trip and you don’t want to feel pressured because you are going to be away together and see what he says. Cuddling and making out and sleeping in together can be a whole lot of fun!!

    But if you truly feel it is too soon and you would rather spend a night together first then tell him that too. Ask if you can plan a trip for a little later in the relationship. Whatever you decide communication is key and letting him know it’s not a rejection of him but you wanting to take it slow and not rush things.

    #728720 Reply

    Sammi

    Anne- Yes, he can afford a trip and travels as often as he can. That’s one of the things I like about him, as that he’s adventurous and active and being with him makes me want to do that too! He told me to let him know by the weekend if I was up for the trip or not and if I was, we’d plan it together.

    And yeah, Janet and Joyce, I was waiting to make sure we were serious about moving forward rather than just jumping into overnights and having sex right and that’s all we would be.

    We’ve had a bunch of dates out where he’s paid for stuff, dates doing activities, and some where we just hang out together. So obviously an overnight would be the next step.
    He’s having me over on Friday for dinner. Do I pack a bag and plan to stay? I’m pretty oblivious to the correct motions…

    #728721 Reply

    Sammi

    Thanks Kaye-
    That’s what I was asking about in my OP. If I say NO, I don’t want to make it seem like I’m rejecting him.

    #728749 Reply

    Lane

    Sammi I would totally go! It would be a great step to see hw you gel traveling and it could also be a great bonding experience too. You don’t have to sleep together if your not ready for that but I wouldn’t wait too long because you need to know you gel there too’

    Have some fun girllfriend of Cal! 😁

    #728756 Reply

    Sammi

    Thanks for the encouragement, Lane! 🙂

    #728767 Reply

    Joyce

    Sammi

    That’s great you are going on Friday.

    The guy I spoke about. I didn’t initaily plan to stay. He cooked me dinner and the invite was to watch a movie.

    He did say I was more than welcome to stay it I was ready. He said he wouldn’t be offended it I wasn’t.

    I spoke to friends and they suggested I pack an overnight bag. Just in case.

    I was glad I did as I got there. We ate and watched a movie. It got late. He lived kinda far. So he said it’s getting late and the invitation was still there to stay. So I did. Like I said I was glad I did. Went to work the next day incredibly happy.

    So pack and overnight bag as an option. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. But at least you have that option.

    #728777 Reply

    Sammi

    Thanks Joyce!🙂
    I guess I can pack a bag and leave it in my car so I’d have it if I need it?

    #728786 Reply

    S

    You don’t seem to be ready to move to the next level so please don’t change ur mind just because everybody says they’d go. Packing your overnight bag means you will have sex. I don’t think it is a good idea to stay the night or go for a trip without having sex.

    #728794 Reply

    Sammi

    Thanks for the opinion, S. I decided to just let whatever happens, happen. If I stay the night, than I do. If not, then okay. I’m pretty sure the idea of a trip together would mean he would be open to me staying overnight with him at his house. I don’t think he’s inteding to book a separate room for each of us.

    #728801 Reply

    Anne

    Regarding spending the night tonight, you could simply ask him, can I spend the night?

    That way, you will both expect sex. Then you can have sex before dinner, to break the sexual ice, then have a fun dinner, and sex again later.

    #728804 Reply

    Joe

    Geez, just go for dinner without any expectations. And don’t pack a bag! It would look presumptuous if you went out to the car to get it! If you decide to stay over, just use some toothpaste and water to clean your teeth (or maybe he has an extra toothbrush). Sleep in the nude or in your underwear. Get up and put your clothes back on the next morning.

    #728805 Reply

    Joyce

    Hold up! An over night stay doesn’t mean sex has to happen if she doesn’t want it to.

    Packing an over night bag does not mean she will have sex!

    Means she can stay and cuddle up and fall asleep with him.

    They could fool around and do other stuff if she is comfortable.

    But I don’t know why staying a night at a guy’s will automatically single sex.

    #728806 Reply

    Anne ohio

    I agree, Joe. Just stick a toothbrush in your purse.

    #728808 Reply

    Omg

    I have never seen such analysis paralysis over a date. I have never packed a bag to go over for a home dinner date. If he is expecting you to spend the night he will tell you. This will come out in conversation on planning the date. I agree with joe it looks presumptuous to go out and get a bag from your car. If it turns out to be an overnight than you don’t need a bag. As joe said you aren’t going to be wearing pajamas and you can wear the same clothes in the morning. You are making this so complicated. Just go and let things unfold as they will. And don’t ask him if you can spend the night. And spending the night doesn’t have to result in sex.

    #728811 Reply

    Joyce

    I do think all of you are right now thinking about the over night bag. It may look presumptious.

    With my situation the reason I had a bag he didn’t give me an invite to stay.

    Whereas your dinner date didnt have that invite.

    I always walk with a toothbrush and clean pair of pants in my bag. I’ve been stranded at work due to trains. You could easily have those in your bag.

    I’ve also had overnight stays at friends and bf’s without a bag. Not a bad thing either.

    Go and enjoy the date. Have fun. If you stay you stay. If not then it doesn’t matter.

    All that matters is you are comfortable and have fun.

    #728822 Reply

    Sammi

    Fishing from the dock, dinner and a fire in the fire pit! Sounds great to me. 🙂

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