This topic contains 11 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by L 1 month ago.
June 12, 2019 at 12:30 am #753371
I have been seeing a man for six months, recently he keeps rescheduling our dates. I got fed up so I told him to get lost, he is begging for a second chance. He rescheduled because of work related stuff, but got tired to be flexible with him. In a relationship, when should you make compromises?June 12, 2019 at 12:47 am #753377
Better off single
Depends on what it is.
Its work related? The guy has to make the money to spend it on your dates so… He’s got the upper hand.June 12, 2019 at 12:49 am #753378
Better off single
Is it a relationship?
Or He’s making excuses and seeing other women. You did the right thing blowing him off.June 12, 2019 at 1:06 am #753380
It was work related, he cares a lot about his job. I don’t have problems with that, but last minute cancellation is not acceptable to me. He canceled me on the same day because he was too tired from working a lot. Not sure why he thinks it would be ok to not respect my time.June 12, 2019 at 7:16 am #753399
Since you’ve been together six months, he may be getting more comfortable with you and that’s why he didn’t see a problem with a last minute cancellation. I know it’s irritating for you, but from his perspective, if you’ve been dating awhile and are in a relationship (are you?) he may have thought it was no big deal to just reschedule if he was really tired. Men (and women) get comfortable in an established relationship and sometimes get sloppy as a result.
Regarding your question about when to make compromises, really, that’s up to you. You have to decide how much you’re willing to put up with. How often does he reschedule? Does he always make it up to you? How is your relationship in general, do you enjoy his company, do you feel a connection? You said “recently” he’s been rescheduling– is this a temporary situation due to a big project or something happening at his job? Those are all things to consider.June 12, 2019 at 7:54 am #753400
how often do u see each other? bailing out a couple of times due to work I think is ok. does he reach out regularly? are you guys casually dating? or is it a serious relationship?June 12, 2019 at 8:28 am #753403
Yo may just have come across an incompatibility in that you need someone who is very reliable and he needs someone who can be a little more flexible due to his work.
Also, 2 reschedules is not excessive in 6 months for a busy person. But yes, it is annoying to get a “day of” cancellation. I think the solution is for him not to make plans when he thinks work is going to be too hectic, and for you to start accepting some “last minute” plans.June 12, 2019 at 10:38 am #753414
Personally I don’t see anything wrong with this when you are in a committed relationship. Have you never had a situation where you had something happen and had to reschedule a doctor, dentist, or hair appt on the day of? Seems to me you aren’t very flexible at all and quite put out with his behavior. When my husband and I were dating and he had an emergency come up at work or he was just crazy tired after working a 90 hour week, we would cancel plans and just hang out together at the house. Or I would go to him since he was the one just getting in off the road. Even if we were just grabbing a pizza and watching a movie and he fell asleep in my lap we were still spending time together and got to wake up with each other the next morning.
Is there some other issue in the relationship bothering you to cause you to get so worked up over this?June 12, 2019 at 12:51 pm #753431
My guy (been 1 year, was FWB for most of it, now we’re seeing if there’s ‘something more’) juggles a lot and is an overstretched optimist. I’ve learnt this over time, because there have been lots of changes and a few last minute disappointments.
However, I’ve tended to cut him some slack because I understand his situation, I have been specific about how I will and will not tolerate confirmation/ cancellation (e.g. NOT by text), he always makes it up to me, I get his absolute focus when we are together, no matter how much his phone pings and rings, and he stopped making ‘optimistic’ plans and only makes plans he knows he can commit to.
So between some decent communication and a bit of training, this doesn’t *have* to be an issue – UNLESS you’re someone who is more rigid than flexible; in which case you’ve found where you’re not compatible. 6 months isn’t a long time to waste on finding a major incompatibility that could save you years of heartache trying to make it work.June 13, 2019 at 4:48 pm #753578
I am not needy or anything, but I value my time because time is more valuable than money. He rescheduled me the first time and I was OK with it because he did it one day before the date. The second time, he just told me that he was tired because he worked a lot last week, this was 3 hours before our date. Do us women have to be doormats for men? Shouldn’t we demand respect from them?June 13, 2019 at 5:06 pm #753582
It was only the 2nd time in 6 months he’s done it? And it was 3 hours beforehand? I don’t see that as a big deal at all. After 6 months you should be able to be more relaxed about it.
I don’t think it means you’re a doormat. I think it means you’re being understanding and flexible with someone you presumably care about, that you have a relationship with, who had had a hard day at work and has asked you with plenty of time (yes, 3 hours is plenty of time) if he can reschedule a date. He didn’t disrespect you in the least. At least, that’s how I see it.
This would not be a dealbreaker for me if the guy otherwise treated me well and I cared about him. You have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker for you. If it annoys you greatly then maybe you two are just not compatible. Or maybe your feelings for him are not very deep, if you can’t be understanding of his work situation.June 14, 2019 at 8:07 am #753637
Twice in 6 months? And you think that’s being a doormat, little princess?