Rebound


This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Katie 2 months ago.

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  • #749844 Reply

    Katie

    So I just read the latest daily news letter from anewmode.com and it was talking about a rebound that Eric Charles had and during reading it, it hit me that the guy I had been seeing/hooking up with was basically exactly what Eric had described in his email – he had been in a relationship. Thought he was in love with her even though she was absolutely terrible for him. She broke it off and he was left devastated, so much so that when she broke it off, he came back from vacation days earlier. I know all of this because as it was going on, he was reaching out to me. It was only a few weeks after they broke up that we hooked up. And at first I was totally ok with it being just sex. I was working an insane amount of hours and I only wanted some good sex when I wanted it. It wasn’t until after the new year when work slowed down, and we started actually talking instead of just doing it that feelings started to develop. Things ended a few weeks ago. I tried to end it, but then he would come back around being charming, and then finally he made a comment that made me realize I had to cut it completely off. The reason I’m writing this is because I need an outlet to express how I feel without judgement. I am hurt. I miss him. And up until this morning I was holding on to hope that eventually with time some how we would reconnect. But now I don’t know and now that hurts so much. I suppose I’m looking for encouragement or advice. I don’t know.

    #749846 Reply

    Omg

    I don’t understand what you even said.

    #749862 Reply

    Onizing

    You broke it off expecting to reconnect? I’m not trying to be judgemental here… If a guy breaks it off with you, are you gonna want him back? Would you trust him to stay after you got back together or be afrad he’s going to break it off again?

    The best thing you can do is just keep moving on with your life. The hardest part is keeping him out of your head and forgetting.

    #750079 Reply

    Hs

    I had a bf who just came.out of a serious 5 year relationship. Everyone thought i was the rebound. Instead he fell in love with me and we were together for 3 years. We broke up because he wanted to get married and have children and i wasnt ready for it, so i moved and started my career. Not all people who come out of serious relationships are on the rebound. His actions will make it pretty clear if he’s falling in love or rebounding. I dont know what he said, but clearly it confirmed the reboune theory. Which may be correct or you jumping to conclusions being sensitive about it. Either way, if you want someone, and something concerns you, speak to them. Dont throw your toys and break up in some sort of a manipulation game

    #750271 Reply

    Katie

    I wasn’t trying to manipulate him or play games by breaking things off with him. When I say I was hoping for something in the future I was meaning that our paths would cross again or when he had gotten completely over his previous tumultuous relationship and in a better head space that would could try again.

    I ended up writing him an email saying I, now, had a true understanding of our situation and I realized that I was his crutch. I also stated that I was not condoning his behavior or trying to made him feel bad for his actions, but that I finally realized what I was to him, and that I have accepted it for what it was. I ended the email stating that I hoped that he continued to pursue his goals and to focus on getting his life back into order and that I truly and genuinely wished him the best.

    I haven’t heard back from him, but my email was written in a way that no response was needed.

    #750273 Reply

    Lane

    You did the right thing! He’s still broken and needs to rebuild his new single life without the ex in it until he feels ‘indifferent”—has no positive or negative thoughts about the ex and has fully reconciled the belief they were no longer good together. Trying to be a nursemaid in these situations will get you burned where they are still the avoidance stage ‘aka (single stage) and using random hook ups to boost their shattered ego while numbing the pain until they reach the stage they are forced to fully deal with the breakup, reconcile it was for the best, accept its over and start the process of moving on until they reach the indifference stage which could take a year or more depending on length and other factors involved as no to breakups are the same and is person to person…some get through it faster than others, some don’t and takes them a long time to reach the final stage.

    Until you know for 100% sure that they aren’t ever going back to the ex and have fully healed from a breakup/divorce, I wouldn’t touch a broken up man with a 100 foot pole! However, there are times these broken guys are PERFECT to use temporarily when you’re going the same thing as neither of you emotionally capable of being in a relationship, at least a healthy one, and just using each other for temporary comfort and companionship (aka “FWB”). This however needs to be fully discussed and agreed upon by BOTH parties before proceeding or your’re setting yourself for trouble if one is on a different page than the other, like you were.

    #750274 Reply

    Katie

    I didn’t even realize I was being a nursemaid. It was only until reading that daily newsletter that the light bulb went off. I know its for the best. And I’ve plenty to keep me busy with work, the gym, and there are a couple new hobbies I’ve been wanting to get into.

    But the underlying feelings are still there and it sucks to feel like you didn’t mean anything. Especially because he meant something to me.

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