This topic contains 35 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Better off single 1 month, 3 weeks ago.
August 26, 2019 at 4:20 pm #765999
Fear mongering is exactly what this post needs…
I’m here to tell you there are men who appreciate mature women!August 26, 2019 at 4:39 pm #766001
“Women over 35 are going to find these great new partners in very short supply.”
Well, men will be in the same boat when they hit 55 unless they have bank.August 26, 2019 at 5:18 pm #766002
I am 34 I have never been married I definitely won’t be before 35. No offence to anyone, but I actually sometimes feel sorry for women who’d got married when they’re in their 20s. I really don’t mean any offense, just some rationale against all of the ageism and hunting a husband mode.August 26, 2019 at 5:44 pm #766006
Ok so here’s a different twist on the question…. is it better to be single or in a relationship that is not necessarily bad but completely devoid of any bit of passion. Roommates basically.August 26, 2019 at 5:55 pm #766008
Sure, Alive, go hunt all of the hot ones before you get a wrinkle.August 26, 2019 at 6:19 pm #766015
Alive need to stop cross dressing & get a clue…August 26, 2019 at 8:35 pm #766021
I think the question/poll itself is a strange one. Because the answer is fairly obvious when you have the luxury of being rational currently i.e. if right now you’re single or in a healthy relationship. Almost everyone will choose being single over the other option.
But answering this when you’re actually in a questionable/bad relationship? Clouded by emotion/attachment? Things aren’t that simple anymore. Add to that a person who has faith, or actually loves the other, or other reasons like Karen mentioned. And things look way simpler to an outsider but a labyrinth for someone living it.August 26, 2019 at 8:44 pm #766022
What I’m more dumbfounded about is how people who’ve been in bad rships themselves will criticize others for staying in one. It’s like they magically forgot what it was like to be in one the first time. I’ve been told for years by few people how “scarily intuitive” and a good judge/read I am of people. I’ve quit people or women mad easily… as soon as patterns in dishonesty, pretending, games started to show- bang, bye bye. Didn’t matter how long I knew them. The choice was always clear.
But when I was in love myself? Most of my logic went out the window. I struggled hard to distinguish between things that were worth working through and things worth leaving for, even though I had been unhappy and unfulfilled for a while. Part of my mind was awake enough to realize some things were not right, but that voice was dwarfed by the love I had for the person. If a friend were in the same relationship instead of me, I’ve no doubt I’d be able to identify everything, call out red flags, and say “Wtf. Why are you still with her? If I were you I’d be gone instantly.” And this describes a lot of commenters here sometimes. So now anyone who displays that they have an amazing grasp of the line between when to stay and when to leave in a bad relationship, I take the comment with a pinch of salt because those words don’t mean much unless they’re in OP’s shoes. And if they say they used to be in OP’s shoes, that’s more insulting than adding credibility because they’ve clearly forgotten what it’s like to be in that situation in spite of having that experience.
I’m sure there are some people who actually choose bad relationships- for some unhealthy or dysfunctional reason. But from a lot of the stories here… you can tell the women don’t choose to get in bad rships, and hurling pure logic at them from your high unattached horse is not as useful or impressive as you believe.August 26, 2019 at 10:31 pm #766031
Better off single
It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship or become so complacent in a relationship that you’re just roommates. Been there done that.
The economy is tough when you want to be single. Especially when you have kids. So if you have kids, make little to no money, and you live somewhere in say, California and have no family who want to let you live with them because of a history of not contributing or didnt get along when they lived together, there is kind of no other choice but to let the complacency set in and be roommates. There’s always that fear of being alone. It’s scary being a female and living alone. So many weirdos and predators out there. It’s hard to be alone with kids. If you battle with a mental illness and are weak because of it, it’s better to be around someone familiar even if that person is toxic. All you can do is just pray for an opportunity to get out. Lots of women are guilty of manipulating men just so they can get out and leave the guy blindsided and broken hearted or get into another toxic relationship because they didn’t process anything. They just wanted out of their situation and got a temporary fix. Always wishing someone would just love them and never happy with the result because they’re caught up in fantasy land. Someone I know married the first guy who showed serious interest in her right after her divorce. He was a “charming” officer in the Army. Ticked off every box in her ‘what i want in a man’ list. They got married after knowing eachother 3 months. Turns out he was a hot-headed controlling narcissist. killed her free spirit, took her away from everyone she was close to and loved, verbally abused her and her children, molested her daughter, she turned to alcohol to cope, and used her daughter as an emotional and physical punching bag and they’re still married. She’s so miserable and spiritually broken she won’t ever leave. She did try a few times and when he felt he was losing control he would reel her back in guilt tripping her making it seem like it was all her doing and forgiving her.
Me, Ive been single for 4 years. I’m happier single. I like being alone. I like to have control over my own space. I like thinking about relationships and learning what to do and not do. I wont EVER be in a relationship like that woman I know and I will avoid men that resemble the man she is married to. Life lessons can come from other people’s experiences too.
I like not having to make plans, I like to do what I want and talk to whoever I want to freely. I will literally lose my mind when I don’t have freedom.
Routine is so boring. Plans never pan out. I like taking spontaneous trips at 4 am without having to tell anyone where I’m going or when I will be back or pass on paying a bill or two and overspending without it turning into WWIII. I make my own money, I may have some debt, it’s my debt. Its my choice to stay in it or not. No arguing with anyone else or constant pressure about my credit score. It’s my choice to stay in the situation I am in and its also my choice and my own amount of effort to get out of it. No worries about disappointing anyone. Freedom.
We are all connected, infinitely and composed of the same ‘stuff’. We need to realise that hurting others only hurts ourselves. Too many hurting people out there. Staying single, I won’t get hurt and feel the need to defend myself, be manipulated by pretty words, blackmailed, or used.
The guy’s presence has to be better than my need for freedom. I’m not impressed by wealth or looks or even talent. I’m impressed by who he is and having a similar vibe. I feel things out and if it doesn’t feel right to me, I move away to someone that does or just stay single.