Please help me get over my torturous work crush

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  • #753501 Reply


    I have had a crush on a coworker, Dave, for the last 6 months. Unfortunately for me, when I fall for someone, I fall terribly hard, and it takes years for me to get over crushes. Usually the only way I get over a crush is if they are simply no longer in my life (for example, one of us moves away). I love my job, so I will have to keep seeing Dave daily for the foreseeable future. We have become pretty good friends, and he’ll invite me to have a drink with him after work sometimes. We also text almost daily.

    Because we talk at work and socialize outside of work, occasionally he will discuss dates he’s recently been on, or girls he finds attractive. Obviously, I can’t stand hearing about this. I try to either change the subject or act as uninterested as possible, but he’s not great at picking up social cues. (My coworkers have confirmed that, even though they all know I like him, he remains oblivious, so again…very bad at reading people)

    I’m in a difficult position. On one hand, I feel like I’m getting to the point where I need to confess my feelings to him, not because I think he shares those feelings (I’m almost certain he doesn’t), but because I can’t stand him talking to me about other girls and I don’t know how else to get him to stop. I just think/hope that if he knew about my feelings, he would change the way he approaches me and interacts with me, and then I might actually get the space I need to get over him. On the other hand, the last thing I want to do is make him feel uncomfortable and ruin our friendship. And, like I said, the chances of me just “getting over” this crush are slim.

    For the record, we did hook up a couple of times around Valentine’s Day. The first time was pretty hot, but the second time was awkward and weird, and we just didn’t ever talk about it or hook up again. If anyone is wondering why I don’t just “shoot my shot,” so to speak, even if he did share my feelings, we would make a terrible couple. We’re totally wrong for each other and there’s no way he could give me what I need and want in a relationship. But the heart wants what the heart wants, so my question is…

    TL;DR: How do I convert my crush feelings into platonic friendship feelings without exposing myself and ruining our friendship?

    #753504 Reply

    Better off single

    Add verity to your life.
    Find a new interest.
    Focus on yourself.
    Keep telling yourself you’re wrong for eachother and just avoid him.
    Change the subject.
    Walk away when he talks about other girls.
    Stop overthinking it.
    Be yourself.
    Stop following him around like a lost puppy.

    #753511 Reply


    Hi-I would stop hanging out with him or being “friends”. Be “too busy” to go for a drink with him etc. Just phase him out of being anything more than a co-worker. I would also focus on the act that the sex was ultimately not good and you know the two of you are not compatible.

    \ Why not stat dating and find a good guy/match. Maybe these crazy,intense,impossible “crushes” are a way to avoid real relationships?

    #753514 Reply


    I am going through the same but it’s been for 2 yrs.

    After we hung out for a few months outside work, he started saying how busy he was – chasing someone else!! Yikes! I couldn’t believe he would say it to my face. Very hurtful. After that I never felt the same about him. I never voiced my feelings as we were not a couple.

    Things were very uncomfortable for me with him regularly bumping into me. Even then he would still be abusive by mentioning hanging out with this female friend or that one.

    Best to avoid him at all costs. Sounds like you really like him. If you must interact then dont be flirting & dont respond to his.

    Be very, very professional & that’s all. If he wanted more you would know & things would move forward. Him mentioning other women shows a lack of respect for you & is abusive.

    He is more than likely hooked on all the female attention & gets a big ego boost. You mean nothing to him. Take it from me, he used you for you know what & has prompted dropped you.

    #753542 Reply


    ‘Abusive’ for mentioning other women to a woman he’s not dating and probably thinks is a friendly workmate? Hardly.

    #753545 Reply


    Find the cause that keeps you clinging on to a crush for years… It’s not healthy.

    Find a trained someone you can talk with…

    #753642 Reply


    Therapy for sure.

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