Please help me and tell me all the reasons sending this is a bad idea


Home Forums How To Get My Ex Back Please help me and tell me all the reasons sending this is a bad idea

This topic contains 16 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Brady 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #703617 Reply

    Brady

    “A, I hope everything is going great with graduation and your boards. I just have to say that I don’t like the way things ended between us, the suddenness of it. I completely understand if you needed less intensity, more space while you finalized all the things with graduation. I know we weren’t together that long in the grand scheme of things, but I fell for you and don’t like the idea that you won’t be a part of my life anymore and I won’t be a part of yours. This was yours and my first go at a relationship and maybe we both made mistakes. I didn’t want you to think I was uninterested or that you weren’t a priority, but I think I came across as way too intense. But you made me happy and, if what you said many times is true, I made you happy as well. I don’t think that is something you throw away so easily. Is there any way we could talk?”

    I’ve edited this 5 or 6 times in the month and a half since she ended things. I thought writing out my feelings would help. But now that I have a concrete message I could send her it makes me want to break No Contact even more



    #703619 Reply

    L

    You are still being intense.

    #703629 Reply

    Khadija

    That message is still very intense, please don’t send it.

    The fact that you had to second guess sending it is reason enough not to send it.

    #703640 Reply

    Emma

    Tell us what happened. How long you wee together, why she broke up with you. And when, how long since the breakup. Did you talk at all since the breakup? did she reach out herself to you? did you reach out to her? and what was the result.

    Provide all those details before we can tell you this message should not be sent. LOL

    I would definitely cross out this “but I think I came across as way too intense”. And add something along the lines that you’d like to know how you can change things and what could have been done. To improve.

    How long has it been? if only one week then definitely do not send it. She has not had enough time to comprehend the situation fully or start missing you.

    In the end, even if your message does not work, at least you would have tried. But again, timing is very important, do not send it if it’s been too soon after the breakup.

    #703652 Reply

    Brady


    My original post is “Need some Insight” in Breakup Advice

    Its been 48 days no contact. I have not reached out at all since the break up and neither has she.

    #703654 Reply

    sailor v

    Yeah don’t send that. First of all, it only focuses on you. “I don’t like this” and “I want that” is not a good way to reach out to someone. Sounds like you are less concerned with her happiness and more concerned with yours.

    Second of all, why did you break up? And no, I’m not going to go hunt down some other post. What do I look like, son? I’m barely interested as it is. You’re going to lose out on anyone helping you if you want us to search around the entire website connecting dots for context.

    #703663 Reply

    Amy


    Ladies, does this post strike anyone else as a bit hard to believe? I find it hard to believe a man would peruse, let alone post on, a dating forum for women. Just my opinion.

    #703672 Reply

    Tallspicy

    If she wanted to talk to you she would. If she dumped you, the NC lasts forever until she reaches out.

    #703679 Reply

    Kk

    I find it suspect that there are rarely men who post on here and in the last few weeks they are coming out of the woodwork. I think GS likes to post under other guy names. He’s the only guy who goes out of his way to hang out on a mostly woman forum.

    #703693 Reply

    kaye

    Well I did Google your first thread and found it. And men do post on here occasionally who aren’t trolls. The fact you posted it April 6th and tried to bump it again on May 8th still missing her (but no one responded) makes me think you are legit.

    She was your first real relationship and your first love so it’s going to take you some time to get over her. And the fact she broke up over text without really giving you a reason and wouldn’t call you to talk makes it harder. But if she truly didn’t know what she wants and doesn’t think the two of you will work out then you can’t hang on to her. You have to start moving on.

    You are only 22. I know you don’t want to hear it right now but you will have more loves in your life. It is extremely rare for someone to marry their first love. And this was only a 5 month relationship so you may even find this wasn’t really “love” when you meet the right girl.

    It has been 48 days. You have to understand if you reach out to her at this point and she ignores your text or reaffirms that she doesn’t want to be with you it is only going to set you back almost to day 1. You’ve come a long way and doing that isn’t going to help you.

    With that being said, I know when I’ve been in your situation no one could tell me that and I just had to reach out that last time and learn for myself. If that is you then I would say something more like this. “, I hope everything is going great with graduation and your boards. It’s sad we’re no longer in each other’s lives to share a moment like this. But I do understand if you were confused and didn’t know what you wanted and didn’t see us together for the future. I did see a future for us together so it’s still hard for me not being a part of your life anymore. I guess I thought we made each other happy. But I want you to know I don’t hold any hard feelings and wish you nothing but the best and congratulations on your graduation!”

    This lets her know you still have feelings for her and don’t hate her. It also says you aren’t expecting her to reconsider the break up. But it gives her just enough that if she is second guessing her decision to break up she should respond and tell you. But you have to realize she may totally ignore this or send a simple “Thanks” or a message you don’t want to hear saying she made the right decision to break up. And that will set you back in your healing big time. So it’s a risk. Good luck!!

    #703748 Reply

    Brady

    I’m real…Idk why I post on here…eNotAlone seems like the only other active breakup forum. And the keyboard warriors that run that site perma banned me for posting the same thing twice. That’s it. So here I am. I mean I cant post links so I guess I could’ve copied the whole other post into this one. Not gonna send it. What’s the point. I doubt I ever cross her mind any more even though she’s still consuming mine. You can love someone, give 100% in the relationship, do nothing wrong like cheating, abuse, etc. and they can still just leave cause “they’re not feeling it. Not just mine. But so many stories of people together 5, 10, 15+ years and their SO still cheats or leaves cause they’re not feeling it. Is that what there is to look forward to?

    #703754 Reply

    kaye

    Bready, I am sorry you are so young and already feel like you don’t have anything to look forward to in your love life! You are down right now but as my mother always says, “this too shall pass.” There are no certainties in life. You can work and work to graduate and get a degree and set yourself up in a good career to be financially successful and have an accident or illness that takes all that way from you. Likewise you can marry the love of your life and have them cheat and leave you or pass away from cancer. But living your life in fear of those things leaves you with paralysis and means you do nothing. And that is no life.

    I promise you will look back on this moment years down the road when you have found the right girl and you are married with a couple kids and you will know why things weren’t meant to work out with this one. :)

    #703776 Reply

    Emma

    You see, a week or two is too soon. But 48 days – is too late.

    If she wanted something, given that she broke up with you, she would have contacted you.

    My approach is do not torture yourself, if you are dying to send this text, then send it. But be prepared to find out she is seeing someone new already. How would you feel then?

    Given that she has not as much as poked you anywhere on social media in all this time, I think she is not interested and it is safer for you to continue no contact indefinitely. Until you are over her. It might take a couple more months, but it will go away, kiddo. The most important thing is to stop waiting. If you’ve been waiting to hear from her, then you need to stop. And you will feel progressively better and better with each week.

    #703862 Reply

    Brady

    I know that I will almost certainly have other loves. But I’ll never have another first love. And I feel like I wasted it on her because although she said I love you, the first one to say it too, I don’t think she meant it. I get that feelings and people change, but you don’t go from saying I love you for the first time in your first relationship to breaking up a month later if you actually meant it. And if you just told someone you love them for the first time ever in your life, you don’t end things a month later because “you realized we don’t have anything in common”.

    I’m haunted by this quote: “Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it is the first time you share yourself with someone who is the only person to ever receive all of you. After that, you stop sharing so much. You stop letting others receive all of you. You learn, you move forward, unwilling to make the same mistakes and unwilling to risk the fragile remains of your heart. Your heart will never be the same, but still, a piece of you remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved forever. It’s a piece that stands the test of time, a piece unavailable to a future lover. It’s a piece that holds onto innocence, and the belief that love really can last forever. It serves as a reminder of friendship and pain, trial and error, and that one kiss you’ll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.”

    #703864 Reply

    Lol

    Ok.. so get over it bro. Wasted what? Life happens…

    #703886 Reply

    Jo

    Brady, I’m not buying that quote. Don’t rad someone else’s baggage and think it’s yours to carry.
    I think you learn to love and trust again in the right person…the person who shows over time that they are there and deserving of your love. ..step by step not all at once.
    8 months ago I started dating my boyfriend…he said he is cautious of letting people in after his divorce…it didn’t bother me…now he’s the one who said those magical words and that he trusts me…give it time and give people a chance to show you who they are before jumping all in.
    You can write your own love story…with all of you in it…it’ll be like the sun shining powerful and wonderful in your life :)

    #703889 Reply

    Brady


    Yeah the quote’s a little dramatic huh? I guess even before I met her I didn’t really care or grow attached to people. Some non-romantic important people have left me as well, so I just stopped caring about most people. Why bother? I guess was my thought. And when I was with her I started to feel kind of open and then she said “those magical words” and I believed her. So I opened myself up to love her and be attached to her. And then I guess the “magic” faded in one month…

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