Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice Overthinking?

This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Cassie 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #744022 Reply


    I am 32 I started talking to this guy he is 35 on tinder 2 weeks ago. I agreed to a date with him a week later set for last Thursday. For the 3 days prior he fell silent and by the afternoon Thursday I had written him off until a friend suggested I message him. So I did and he said he was glad I messaged as he thought I wasn’t interested (no idea why really but he said i fell silent) and we ended up meeting that evening as planned.

    The date went really well, he initiated text conversations and 2 phone calls in the days following and we met again Sunday afternoon. However it’s bugging me that I kind of initiated this although he did end up being the one who planned the date and went out of his way to travel to me.

    He has really opened up to me about his life, even some stuff he said he doesn’t talk about a lot and at the end of both dates we have kissed on the lips, he also said he really enjoys my company.

    Despite all of this I am worried that he’s just been going along with the dates because I a) reached out for the first one and b) hinted at meeting for the second

    Am I overthinking? Are what’s happening on the dates and his communication afterward good signs that he’s genuinely interested?

    #744023 Reply


    Has he ask you out again?

    #744025 Reply


    He has suggested meeting when I am back from my trip after the weekend but we haven’t made any plans.

    #744038 Reply


    Cassie sit back and watch what he does next. From what you say there does seem to be an attraction but actions speak louder than words sweetie.

    #744049 Reply

    Devil’s Advocate

    If I had a dollar for every guy who opened up to me on a first date saying I don’t usually talk about this with someone I just met, or you’re so easy to talk to or I’m just so comfortable around you. Gah. You had a date, you met again, it’s going well. Just stop initiating and sit back and see what he does. Why are women so damn impatient?!?

    #744074 Reply


    It wasn’t the first date it was the second date that I felt he was most vulnerable with what he was telling me. I could tell from his energy it wasn’t something he was used to talking about. I told him he didn’t have to talk about it if he didn’t want to but he continued.

    #744075 Reply


    You are right about being impatient though, I need to relax :-)

    #744076 Reply


    This is my take on people oversharing early on, take it with a grain of salt.

    You have no idea what is the reason behind. Many women take this as a good sign that he’s opening up and perhaps it means things will progress. It could be to create a false sense of intimacy to get you into bed or he was nervous and rambling on.

    It takes time to determine someones level of interest in you. The best way to gauge that is if he is asking you out on dates. Is he being somewhat consistent with communication or does he disappear and then reappear?

    These things take time so let it unfold naturally.

    #744082 Reply


    I hope the vuknerable part was not confessing to a murder LOL

    Seriously Cassie, you want to believe what you want to believe but at 32..of course he talks about it to others! Ok not on the first date, on the second. And the “energy” an be plain acting. Have you not “acted up” things yourself ever? Most people play a little..

    He travels to you, so is it long distance? why are you getting into this? are there no other men available so that you have to chase the guy who is also long distance?

    #744089 Reply


    I don’t think he has never ever spoken to others about the things he spoke about but I’m sure it’s not something he talks about to everyone. Acting? Lol That shows how cynical you are.

    Not all of us are from small towns, we both live in the same city but it’s a 40 minute drive from his place to mine (no he didn’t come to my place, we met nearby). I don’t call that long distance but as some guys don’t date outside a 5 mile radius of where they live because they apparently have enough options in a big city and most want to meet where is more convenient for them, him doing that drive on both occasions is stand out.

    #744090 Reply


    At least from my end the feedback wasn’t meant to be cynical just cautionary.

    Too many times do women describe that they went on a date and a man divulged all these personal things to them. This then caused them to believe a bond was created.

    Bonds do take time to create. Since you don’t know him you have no idea if that was the first time he talked about those things or if he does this all the time.

    In any case take your time and let this unfold naturally.

    #744092 Reply


    You had two dates with a total stranger. Do not believe everything a total stranger tells you. You don’t know him at all. Let him lead and plan dates and stop prompting him.

    #744094 Reply


    @Cassie, listen sweetheart. If you want to be a silly head believing every line the guy feeds you, this is your choice. Everyone who’d tell you that people put up a facade at first and yes do act to make a good impression. The same way people act during the job interview. If this is news to you then you are quite naive for your age.

    And if a 40 min drive to meet you is a big achievement for you then I can see why you are so desperate fighting for your privilege for receiving “vulnerability” with some dude you met twice. Duh! LOL

    #744112 Reply


    if your worried about initiating the initial date then don’t initiate for the next few dates. let him fix the next few dates. if he dsnt bother you will have some of the answers.

    #744118 Reply


    Big achievement? Emma get over yourself please.

    #744131 Reply


    Just let him take it from here. If he asks you on another date, then I would imagine he is interested. If a guy is genuinely interested in a relationship with you, you will know it… his actions and words with align. Just watch/observe him…Some men may say all kinds of things (i.e. they’ve never felt like this with someone, they told you things they’ve never told anyone) and their actions won’t line up (i.e. they don’t plan dates frequently, they plan more casual hang outs at home, you don’t hear from them for extended periods reagarding your next date). If a guy is interested in me I know because he makes it very clear by both communicating his interest verbally and through his actions which makes me feel calm and I don’t question things as much. Always listen to your gut.

    Also, I take communication in between early dates with a grain of salt. It is more about his actions (i.e. asking you out on proper dates) than his level of communication in between early dates IMO.

    #744137 Reply


    Fact is, he was initially obligated to confirm your date even if he doubted your interest. But he didn’t. Now he spent the second date talking about himself.

    So who knows what type of person he is. Time will tell. Are you attracted to him?

    #744140 Reply


    He spent the 2nd date talking about himself?

    #744168 Reply


    Nobody said he spent the second date talking about himself.
    I think I am done with this thread, clearly not the place to come looking for advice.

    #744169 Reply


    I have taken in your advice though Kenz, thank you

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