This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Better off Single 6 months, 1 week ago.
February 11, 2019 at 3:43 pm #739547
I dated this guy on/off for 16mths. Right guy, wrong time, with messy relationship breakups, losing jobs, deaths, children’s mom drama, etc. He always said to me he wished he’d met me when he was in a better place in his life. He behaved stupid at the end, got back with his ex, so I cut him off. We had NC for 10mths before we bumped into each other. We had a chat he said he’d missed me, made mistakes, we had a connection etc. He split with his ex end of last year. We put the past in the past and I’m cool with all that. Nobody behaved well in the past situation.
Now he always contacts me about once/twice a week. We’ve casually hung out a few times which has been mutually suggested. It’s been fun. During this time we’ve talked about dating (not each other, just general) when he mentioned he wasn’t interested in dating right now and when it did happen he wanted to take things slow. He’s been busying himself recently with diy projects, work, study and sorting out his family life, but like I said he makes regular contact.
After one night hanging out, things got a little awkward as he left. Hugged longer than usual type thing, he made a awkward innuendo, I totally didn’t react and ignored it. Since then he’s been a bit less interested in making arrangements to see each other but yet still messages me? I said about visiting if he had time and he came back saying he’d like that and there could be no better way to spend his time. but still no confirmed date.
Not sure if I’m overthinking this shift in behaviour but it feels odd. I’m almost blowing my own mind trying to act the right way but there’s a huge part of me that wants to ask him if anything is on his mind.February 11, 2019 at 3:44 pm #739548
Ask him if he wants to break up and he if says no and asks why you asked tell him that you feel like he is being distant.February 11, 2019 at 3:58 pm #739555
If he says he’s not interested in dating, take him at his word. Don’t think too much about longer hugs, etc…. He’s still a man and interested in physical contact (touchy, kissing, sex), but more than likely not anything on a deeper level.February 11, 2019 at 4:05 pm #739557
What part of him not wanting to date (you) don’t you get?February 11, 2019 at 5:00 pm #739560
It sounds like you are very interested in him. Given that’s he’s made it clear he isn’t wanting to date you- he can dress it up how he likes, talking of not wanting anything right now etc. But the bottom line is you guys tried before and there were lots of reasons or excuses then too, and then he went back to his ex. The ex who he only split up with at the end of the year- now by my calculations the end of the year was only six weeks ago. It feels to me like he’s enjoying what you offer- distraction, company, attention, nice time etc and I would fear that when he is ready he won’t be looking in your direction as you seem to be providing the emotional support he needs right now when he isn’t looking to date or date you. It feels a bit blown I think. Even if you pull back he likely will let you.
Please safeguard your heart here. He’s messed you about once. Don’t let him do it againFebruary 11, 2019 at 5:57 pm #739563
he wants you around but without a relationship. He’s testing the waters for a FWB situation. Spending time with you, texting you, now a move towards physical. He made a comment that you ignored and the hig was awkward. He is sensing that you won’t bite at a sex only thing so he’s backing offFebruary 11, 2019 at 8:39 pm #739580
Better off Single
Me personally, I think it’s important to have your life together before inviting someone into it for a long term relationship. Like you said right guy wrong time. Maybe he feels the same way. Maybe he feels like he’s not winning in life and it will bring up the same problems like the first time and does not want to disappoint you.
He makes regular contact because he enjoys your company. It’s his loss if someone else enters the picture because he couldn’t get it together fast enough.
Since you have a history, hold off on sex until there’s some sort of talk about exclusivity. Guard your heart and watch his actions. He could just be trying to escape dealing with the breakup and you’re the perfect target to be a crutch to avoid dealing with his feelings.