This topic contains 43 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Peggy 8 months ago.
September 16, 2019 at 4:56 pm #773244
So I matched with this guy coming up to two weeks ago now…he’s been texting me every day but has suddenly stopped today?! Do I text him?
Secondly, he has asked me out for a date but hasnt set a time or day?!
What is going on?!September 16, 2019 at 6:20 pm #773258
He’s wasting your time…September 16, 2019 at 6:57 pm #773281
Don’t text him.
He needs to reach out and lock down a date, otherwise all this chatting is a waste of time.September 16, 2019 at 9:38 pm #773289
Sounds like he could be testing your boundaries. Get busy with your hobbies and friends and family and lean way back.September 16, 2019 at 10:46 pm #773290
God girl. You need to learn a lot about dating. If a guy isn’t locking down a day and time for a date by convo 3, you need to unmatched him. He’s “talking” to 4-5 other girls at the same time.September 17, 2019 at 8:06 am #773321
He was probably looking for a hook up and found someone willing to just stop over at his place or someone willing to text.
True story- guys online are not serious about dating for the most part. Out of curiosity, I made a pic of myself and filtered the heck out of it in snapchat until I looked like a human barbie made out of plastic. Made a profile with a gibberish text section that made me look like an woman of ill repute. I matched about 95% of guys. Most of the ones that texted me took a shot to get laid and these were “nice guys”.
So that nice single dad you are talking to, the dude with the dog that likes hiking, the executive? They are not only talking to you, they are talking to uh, questionable women.
Until they take the time to meet you in person, and take you on multiple dates that don’t end with sex, please do not let them occupy any space in your life beyond the time it takes to schedule a date.September 17, 2019 at 9:03 am #773328
You are probably about a dozen or so he’s done or doing this with! I think of online dating like an online candy store. There are so many choices and options they can’t just pick one. This is why you DO NOT engage in texting with online dudes. If they haven’t made a concrete plan to meet you within a few exchanges, it means “I just do this for fun, because I’m getting my ego stroked by all these ladies who want to text me, yet I don’t have to spend a dime or any time with them!!”
Don’t be one of those ladies. Stand out from the pack, up your standards, weed these guy’s out early, and don’t let a guy waste your time.September 17, 2019 at 3:36 pm #773404
i’ve been dating a guy long distance for a month. All was great we spent a lot of time together (online). One day out of the blue he tells me he has some personal problems he needs to take care of, he cannot be with me anymore, he wants some space from everyone, doesnt want to talk to anyone etcetc. only later explained to me that he had kidney stones increasing at an alarming rate. After he got better i wanted to surprise him and went to his place (for the first time) he was very furious that after all he has told me i still went to see him, said it was “highly intrusive”. I told him im there for him as a friend no strings attached no hidden intentions, then it was still him who initiated our first kiss etc etc. We did not end up hahing sex because i was completely confused by what was happening so the night ended with us up at a coffee shop just talking. Hugged me when i left and that was it. When i got home i told him im sry we didnt have sex and offered myself on a golden platter, i said we can be friends with benefits and i would go to him when he needed me etcetc the whole package and no strings attached. Yes i am aware i made myself look very desperate. He declined my offer ofc. Who wouldnt? I acted like a lunatic. After that i decided im not going to speak to him again and if he misses me he’ll write to me or anything.After a while he did, and he keeps doing it every now and then. Always him first, because after what i did i wanted to give him space. All the space.And he keeps giving me hints that he likes me and would like to have me. I have never been this confused in my entire life. I have this one friend that he got really jealous of and i had to remove him from my circle of friends so he doesnt feel threatened by.How does he do this? How do i know if he really does want me? Or sees me just as his crazy friend? or simply messing with my head ? what do i do ?September 17, 2019 at 3:46 pm #773406
Do not surprise visit guys you are dating- especially long distance ones… The surprise might be on You!September 17, 2019 at 3:57 pm #773408
Also, if a guy has really bad kidney stones, they probably are not going to want sex.
I think your only solution is to collect your dignity, work on yourself and return to dating at a later time when you can learn to respect space and yourself.September 17, 2019 at 5:48 pm #773412
How do you mean he may he testing my boundaries?
Well I haven’t text him, I’m guessing he’s moved on and I’m taking the no date planning to him probably being fake or something. Or like you all say he probably had loads of girls on the go
Online dating seriously becoming such a waste of timeSeptember 18, 2019 at 8:23 am #773446
“How do you mean he may he testing my boundaries?”
He is not. Most guys aren’t that sophisticated.
Chances are he will pop back up since you did actually stay chill- guys just burn thru women.
And I agree, online dating has become a time waste if you are serious. I am actually only looking for casual (ie, no relationship, meet up for dinner or drinks, maybe hook up) and even THAT has fallen by the wayside. I have heard from a lot of guys that there are plenty of women very willing just to come over and have sex. When you consider that what, 70% of the men on those sites are gross, and the remaining 30% have zero standards in terms of getting laid, your odds are not good.September 18, 2019 at 2:05 pm #773509
Well it’s been 3 days since I last heard from him so I think that’s definitely it. What I don’t get is why they don’t say look I’m no longer interested?! Or something? Such a waste of time!
And I’ve also heard that it seems to be so easy for guys so they don’t put in an effort or if you appear have some sort of standards they think you’re hard work and go ghostSeptember 18, 2019 at 2:28 pm #773511
“What I don’t get is why they don’t say look I’m no longer interested?! Or something? Such a waste of time!”
They won’t. You expect too much. I had a date scheduled with a guy for last Friday (time and place). He HE initiated texting Thursday. Clearly still interested. I texted him Friday just to confirm. Crickets. Radio silence. So he reaches out Sunday. “My phone died”. If I had $10 when guys circled back after blowing me off with dead phones, I would be rich. If online dating guys are representative of phone reliability, we have issues. 100% he had another date Friday. 100% he either wasn’t into her, she was too much effort or she put out. He took his shot at getting me back in the hopper. Failed.
Guys won’t ever “close the door” in online dating unless you prove to be crazy, because they like options and enough women give them second chances. This guy probably will pop back up unless you go ballistic on him.September 18, 2019 at 4:35 pm #773520
Haha I was tempted to text and say what’s up with this?
But I’ve decided not to give him the satisfaction! From what I’ve heard chasing them never works! Something about them liking the ‘hunt’!September 19, 2019 at 8:22 am #773548
“From what I’ve heard chasing them never works! ”
It never works because these guys don’t want a relationship with you. It has nothing to do with the hunt and every thing to do with them trying to keep a low drama, low effort group of sex partners around. They only want you when they want you. You are competing with low quality women who are willing to be booty calls.
From what I have heard in my city, there are a ton of women perfectly happy to come over and have sex without a meeting and perfectly willing to put out at midnight or whenever the guy texts. If you have standards you can’t compete.
I have been on 6 real dates this year. None of those guys lived locally. Local guys here find that they don’t even need to date to get sex.
So honestly, this guy isn’t looking at you like a prize to be earned. He is looking at you as probably too much effort, but he is willing to keep you in his roster on the off chance that you lower your standards.September 19, 2019 at 9:08 am #773550
@anon, wise words everything you say is spot on!
they will never say they are not interested and it used to bother me as well, but they won’t because they will message you in a month sometimes they even come back after 2 years. they want to keep the door open just in case if if doesn’t work out with someone else they can always come back
and yes you are right about being a hard work , sex is easy to find these days, most guys online are only after one thing, if you are open to that cool. if not then don’t bother.
in my experience I noticed, first date -no sex, they will ask to see me again, if they get a hint I am not interested in sleeping with them on a second date, they will come up with excuses why they can’t meet me again or will go on a second date hoping they will change my mind and if they don’t succeed I never hear from them again.
I have been single for over 4 years now and I couldn’t care less :)September 19, 2019 at 9:24 am #773551
“in my experience I noticed, first date -no sex, they will ask to see me again, if they get a hint I am not interested in sleeping with them on a second date”
A year ago this was what it was like in my city. You’d get one date. Now you get one offer of an in home “date” and if you decline or ask for a real date, they drop off.September 19, 2019 at 9:33 am #773552
@anon, exactly the same here now, I even speak to guys (friends) and I ask if they date much etc and they say they cannot be bothered..September 19, 2019 at 9:51 am #773553
I have had amazing dates with guys from out of town though and they really seem to enjoy it. My last date took me out to a very expensive restaurant, showed up in suit. I was like, wow, this is how dating used to be. He pulled out all the stops. I’ve even dated guys while traveling- the last one took me to the nicest place in town and then we hiked the next day.
Local guys? If they agree to meet for drinks (never ever dinner), they show up in sandals, Tshirts and wrinkled shorts. Like here I am dressed to the nines and you are showing off toe nail fungus. What floors me is their expectations for the appearance and demeanor of women. “The last woman was fat” (well, so are you) or “the last woman was hot but could barely speak” (well all you can talk about is college sports). These guys are 4’s and 5’s and want 9’s and 10’s for sex only situations.
I have found locally that the latino guys are a big step up in that they will date and show care for their appearance. One of them told me “women have stepped way up in the looks and smarts department while men have stepped down”. I think his assessment was correctSeptember 19, 2019 at 10:54 am #773560
“@anon, wise words everything you say is spot on!
but they won’t because they will message you in a month sometimes they even come back after 2 years. they want to keep the door open just in case if if doesn’t work out with someone else they can always come back”
exactly. and that’s what I suspected at the time, that they “ghost” (cowardly move) so they can show up later with some excuse. but I always call them on it, which makes it even more funny, sad and pathetic when they do show up later. they’re all so pathetic. they all think that they can do better, so they don’t want to spend too much time or effort on one person, and then when they can’t do any better like they thought they could, they try to go back for their own sloppy seconds.September 19, 2019 at 11:00 am #773561
“I have had amazing dates with guys from out of town though and they really seem to enjoy it.”
I’ve noticed guys like to date people out of town (I’m reluctant to do so). I’d consider that a bit of a red flag, that they like that someone’s farther away so they don’t have to worry about running into them, or them showing up, or that they know their friends…also I figure it’s easier to make up excuses like they’re “busy” when they want to break up or not have to see them.September 19, 2019 at 11:08 am #773562
“You’d get one date. Now you get one offer of an in home “date” and if you decline or ask for a real date, they drop off.”
so true. they’re so cheap and don’t want to put any effort in. this one recently talked about going out…then he asked what I was doing that weekend. when I responded, he said “you should just come over to my place” hahahaha…well sure, since you mentioned it…I’ll be right over! he said he was just going to be watching a game. wow, how enticing. and this is typical of what minimal effort they want to put in. they’ll see if they can get someone to come over and do something they were already doing. zero effort, just hoping to get laid. I blocked him.September 19, 2019 at 11:13 am #773563
I am not dating for a relationship, so I just think it is fun to have a nice evening out with a guy on occasion. Definitely a red flag if you are looking for a husband to date a guy who lives 6 states away. Usually the conversation is good, and I am sexually liberal so if the mood strikes, safe sex may happen.
I’d rather have sex with a guy who pulled out all the stops than some local slob who couldn’t be bothered to put on clean clothes.September 19, 2019 at 11:15 am #773564
“hahahaha…well sure, since you mentioned it…I’ll be right over! he said he was just going to be watching a game. wow, how enticing. and this is typical of what minimal effort they want to put in. they’ll see if they can get someone to come over and do something they were already doing. zero effort, just hoping to get laid. I blocked him.”
The problem is that one of the 96 women he has in his phone was desperate enough to take him up on that, watch the game with him and give him a BJ at half time.