One Night Stand-Aftermath


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This topic contains 46 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Missy 5 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #738610 Reply

    Missy

    I met a guy through a dating app. We are not from the same town

    We went out for dinner and drinks, later we planned to go for a movie we reached there but the theater was closed.

    He asked me to come to his place or mine, I know the dating rules of no home date, no kisses ..but still went, he seemed nice.

    Things got steamed up eventually and we made out..not sex but it was passionate…Every time it was about to get out of control I pused to pull chords ..he was a little upset, but it didn’t matter to me bcz I DON’T CARE, because I know he wanted to have sex….and I was not going there.

    Well the entire time he told me he wants to make it serious and wants to see only me and would love to put effort and give it a shot. I felt it was sweet talking in the moment.

    Things got again steamy before I left his place…he dropped me home.
    He texted me after he reached back and I thought OK That was i and end of the chapter.

    I didn’t expect things to get wild on the first date..but I don’t regret it either and I wasn’t expecting the sweet talk commitments he was making..i just told him “dude you will go back, you don’t have to tell me all this. I have heard this in the past when people told me about getting into a relationship.”

    To my surprise he is still texting me after going back…I don’t understand why he wants to still be in touch, he even added me on social media.. is this guy serious ? If yes/no what should i do?

    #738611 Reply

    Missy

    Well it hasn’t been that long too…i would have been ok with texting bcz guys want to keep girl around unless they buzz on the next one..but adding on fb was a weird move, no one has ever added me on fb after meeting once…

    I don’t know this guy…apart from dinner, drinks and making out..its not even like we can meet again following weekend..as we live far (plane tickets needed).

    he told me he is looking for a girlfriend desperately and looks to settle down…and he didn’t intend things would escalate like this and he told me he initiated because he felt it…

    I don’t get it, if you are looking for girlfriend or settling down do guys just eat the girl..he was starving for intimacy ( didn’t had sex for past one year).
    Had been on a date before and the girl and he are really good friends and they didn’t had the same vibe for the other girl…more like a bro now.

    what is he expecting from me in long distance….and how should I handle this…

    #738612 Reply

    Missy

    This might help :)

    www.yourtango.com/2016297829/how-tell-if-guy-likes-you-after-one-night-stand-hookup

    #738613 Reply

    Better off single

    Sounds like you’re a sweet beautiful girl and he’s starving for intimacy feeding you lines to get in your pants. He may feel what he said and meant it it in the moment. The longer it goes on you will see him back off after he gets what he wants. He is long distance. Those are much harder to work out. It’s even hard to tell sometimes if you’re just going to be used as an emotional crutch until the one he wants to actually settle down with comes along.

    In a perfect world there would be a few dates and he realizes you’re “the one” and pays for everything moving you closer to him or in with him. Everything works out and it’s happily ever after.

    Is he thinking about the hard times? The disagreements you will have? The annoying quirks he once thought were cute but really bother him as time goes on? The resentment that will come along with it because of moving too fast?

    You ask him what he wants out of it. Only he can tell you. Everyone is different. There’s different lifestyles. Different ways a person can handle a situation. Different expectations. People experience differently. If you want to know how to handle it with HIM ask HIM directly. Don’t be scared. If it’s meant to be you’ll be on the same page and work it out.

    #738617 Reply

    Janet

    Listen Missy

    any guy will tel you this crap because they want at that moment…they will tell you crap about the future and as you mentioned you have heard enough in the past…guys are programmed like this..

    if he is the right guy he will make an effort to understand where you are coming from….he can be a really nice guy and might be looking for something serious…and may be evaluating you too.

    You took it as a casual hookup, didn’t want to get into feelings…he might want you to get there and kick out singing “compatibility issues”.

    Be confident, be yourself…it was just one date, if he reaches out be nice and polite the way you are..if he doesn’t let it be.

    #738618 Reply

    Janet

    The last guy I was seeing was long distance we met it was beautiful, he wanted me to visit him next..but it all vanished in less than 15 days of meeting and we “broke off”.

    I know you are not getting fooled by the promises..but somewhere they are affecting you after seeing his advancements..he may tell you to be friends..

    I think the best thing is behave the same way as you were before meeting him…keep the same ritual of texting (only if he does).

    If the guy really likes you and thinks of you as a long term/ relationship material he will walk that extra mile even after a ONE NIGHT STAND….but if he is not serious and just keeping you just for hookups then you will see through his actions..

    This guy has done the same thing in the past and would definitely analyse how you move along..too fast or too soon is a really bad approach..Just give yourself AIR to BREATHE ! and date as many guys as you want ..he is not the only fish in the sea Darling :)

    #738620 Reply

    Raven

    Do not go back to his place!

    Make him take you on real dates…

    #738637 Reply

    anon

    I could not tell- but if you didn’t have sex with him, he will keep coming back until he sees getting sex from you is a lost cause OR until he sees you as a relationship. Guys always want to finish the deal.

    #738643 Reply

    Lane

    Its far too early to know anyone or their intentions the first time you meet until you have a lot more to work with.

    People can say anything but do they back it up with consistent ACTION on a regular basis? The proper formula is WORDS + ACTIONS = TRUTH and until you have BOTH which can be verified, autheticated and relied upon over a long period of time then you got nada, nothing zilch, zero….

    You need several months of listening, observing and watching before you can get a good idea of who a person is in general, male and female, so refrain from making any snap judgments or conclusions about strangers you just met, which HE IS, until you have a lot of VERIFIABLE FACTS to work with. Texting is cheap, easy and lazy to do; taking someone out and spending TIME with them costs money, time and energy. The one’s with the highest cost involved are at least trying to EARN something if they continue to do with without any expectations of sex involved because that’s not their primary motive.

    It’s so obvious that SEX is this guy’s MOTIVE or he wouldn’t have thrown out so many lame lines…like they used to say “gag me with a spoon”! Seriously, if a man who’s so desperate to settle down hasn’t had sex in a year then I would think there’s something wrong with him and its probably his desperate lame lines that the smart ladies can see right through and the others end up being duped. I personally would walk away from this one.

    #738648 Reply

    Misssy

    Yesterday after a few texts I asked him straight forward that if he wants to take it seriously I can try giving a shot if not then I will continue meeting other guys ..this was in reference to the sweet talks he did the other night. I wanted to give a chance if this person is being genuine…but nah I don’t think so. As anon said I may be his conquest for boasting to friends or an unfinished deal.

    I prefer moving on.

    #738653 Reply

    Jenny

    You said you were OK with what happened that night. You chose it and you didn’t care what he thought.

    Now you’re all worried what he wants.

    If you really didn’t care, there wouldn’t be a question in your mind and you wouldn’t be posting here.

    If he stays in touch and asks you out on proper dates, then he’s potentially serious about you. If he doesn’t then he’s not.

    Any guy sweet talks or future talks me on the first three dates and his stock goes way down with me. Guys know how to push a girl’s buttons with words and it’s our job not to fall for it and walk away.

    #738660 Reply

    Khadija

    Its far too early to be talking about being serious.

    You don’t know each other.

    I think he is desperately looking for sex and will say anything to get it.

    The only way you should bother seeing him again is if its an actual date not at this place or yours.

    No heavy petting and kissing either.

    #738662 Reply

    Lurker

    Is this the description of a one night stand in the US? In the UK if you haven’t done the deed, it’s just a date, snogging and petting or not.

    #738667 Reply

    Andrea

    He wants to complete the deed so he can orgasm. Not rocket science. He doesn’t know you well enough to know if he genuinely likes you. When you give in (too early), I suspect his attention level will drop dramatically and you’ll be back on here completely shocked that he’s doing the slow fade or has ghosted. That’s usually how it goes.

    #738676 Reply

    Missy

    @ Andrea : “complete the deed so he can orgasm” ?

    while we are at it he said that he thinks that there is some problem with me..because when I felt things were a little high going out of control..i used to stop him..he told girls usually ask for condom at that time not to stop.
    It was more of like “hey do you have low libido ?”

    He went wild and started dry humping , that made me very uncomfortable…I literally hated it and pushed him away..he told me he is feeling rejected. I was feeling super horrible of what he was trying to do to me.

    I had heard a similar sort of remark in the past from a guy telling me he is not attracted to me. And I was bothered a lot by that.

    Now I feel like its there way of attacking…but now I am trying not to get disturbed and have “You shouldn’t worry”

    #738679 Reply

    Missy

    @Jenny : I am not worried what he wants …lol are you kidding me.
    He wanted to get dirty with me ..to some extent Yes he succeeded..for me it was over and I made it clear too, he didn’t do it with because he knew or like me …he did it because he didn’t get the action in a very long time…and I came off as a handy easy target. ( I already know this …don’t try to make me feel low :D :P )

    My concern was more around do guys after making out from a different city ( no hope of seeing again) add you on facebook ! texting is still one to one fine, fb is something getting into each others social space…

    #738681 Reply

    anon

    Missy, a first date should leave you either excited to see someone again, and full of positive vibes or at worst, a neutral vibe and a desire to know more.

    You felt horrible on this date, bothered, and disturbed. If a first date leaves you feeling horrible, bothered and disturbed, there should not be a second date. It sounds like you were creeped out and honestly, move on. And until you are ready to have sex with a man, don’t go home with them.

    #738696 Reply

    Missy

    The problem is most of the guys I go out want to get physical on 1st, 2nd 3rd date max…I don’t understand if its something I am doing wrong or the guys I am attracting/getting are like this and this is 3 rd case in a row. :|

    And now I feel I am kind of accepting this is what guys want and I will do what I am comfortable with. With previous two guys I didn’t do anything except hugging, or a bit of soft kisses.
    I feel my appetite is increasing… and these guys who I am talking about they are really highly educated, with good family backgrounds and intellect. I always thought that oh man this should be decent enough…no all want the same thing..

    #738699 Reply

    anon

    A lot of guys assume if you are on a dating app, you want a hook up. All you can really do is say no, most of those guys fall off after 3 dates, then your question is answered. To be more efficient, date multiple men. Don’t stop meeting new ones until one asks you for a relationship. If you are wanting sex, find a FWB in the mean time so that you have that need taken care of and can easily tell other men “not yet”.

    #738700 Reply

    Better off single

    Once you start it will be hard to stop. One guy gets it from you then, you’ll want more. He isn’t calling you back or asking you out again. Then you repeat. It’s a vicious cycle. It took a great deal of self control on my part to stop and get it off my mind. If I felt it, I said/did the opposite. Now, I stay off of online dating. I keep telling myself the next guy I sleep with will be the one I will want long term commitment with.

    I read here once what you’ve got between your legs is the golden ticket. Be selective and refrain from any sort of heavy touching/kissing at all during the first few dates. If you want to see if a man can handle a bit of a challenge and is actually curious about you rather than bedding you, do not be afraid to say no.

    #738716 Reply

    Janet

    I KNOW YOU WERE IN THE MOMENT TO LET IT HAPPEN BUT DON’T MAKE THIS AS A HABIT….
    IF YOU ARE NEW TO DATING AND FINDING ALL CREEPS ..MEET MEN FOR COFFEE, DON’T MAKE IT HOME OR SECLUDED DATES…I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU NEED TIME TO ANALYSE THE GUY BUT STRATING FROM BED OR INTIMACY IS NOT A GOOD START….AVOID STAY OVER OF ANY SORT 3-4 HOURS IS GOOD ENOUGH TO HITCH FOR A SECOND APPROPRIATE DATE.

    #738718 Reply

    Emma

    Good for you that you were smart enough not to give him sex on the first date. Never mind that he added you yo FB. Are you pretty? so he wants a pretty girl among his “friends”. He can remove it when necessary very easily.

    Why get involved with someone you can’t manage things easily? long distance!

    I am always astonished at how women gauge their actions based on the guy’s actions and not on what is good for them. If he keeps on texting, then why should it mean that you would get emotionally involved with a guy LDR?

    Do what is good for YOU. Long distance is clearly not.

    #738722 Reply

    Janet

    He will keep you on the loop because he told you he is desperate…but will leave you because it’s long distance and he needs SEX as easily as possible.

    A guy once told me why to buy sex when you can get a bottle of wine and a girl…
    this is how cheap they are..

    #738745 Reply

    Missy

    Now he requested me on insta ….
    there is no conversation but what kind of behavior is this…
    Has anyone dealt with such person any suggestions

    I got into this dating because I don’t want to catch feelings… and this will again drag me to catch feelings…

    I liked the time I spent, some of it was rough… and I was not expecting anything, any conversation, any connection, any attention but I am getting confused now 😭😭
    Please guide 😐

    #738842 Reply

    Missy

    I spoke to this guy, he said he felt good the time he spent and would like to see where things would head between us.. he said he has been thinking/replaying what happened between us these 3-4 days and he understands and knows well that I am not a casual hookup girl…he said if I would like to know each other better…

    is he just being nice ..or is it what enstores next when we meet ???
    I have been through this sweet talks before and I don’t want to get serious and hurt again …but I can’t just be there superficially not putting fair efforts…

    PLEASE GUIDE _/|\_

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