Home Forums Dating and Sex Advice One Date NOW THIS

This topic contains 54 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  L 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #744859 Reply


    AM I overreacting? I’ve been talking to this guy for 2 weeks, we facetimed for hours at a time. We finally meet up. he just got a new job, so he doesn’t have money but wanted to see me, so we agreed to drinks. The bill came and he was short. He apologized, i have him some money, he said he’d give it back to me the next day.

    The next day comes and something tells me he’s not going to do it. Towards the end of the day he says he’s leaving work early cause his dad fell and hurt his head. He said he’d let me nkow what happens. That was at 3pm. At 5pm i reach out asking if everything is ok. No answer. I already figured we werent meeting and I’d see him at some other point.
    This morning he texts me like nothing happened, good morning, how are you. I ask what happened he says his dad had a mild concussion. He didn’t get released until 130am. I told him I had texted cause I was worried he said he didn’t see it but was updating his sister.

    First, I know he saw it. Second, WhatsApp showed he was on at 9pm cause I was on chatting and noticed he was online. Third, he could’ve updated me.

    Since day one I felt something wasn’t right. WE had an amazing first date and I was feeling good, but also still apprehensive. I feel that in the beginning phases everyone is on their best behavior. he could’ve sent me an update. And a mild concussion is not a problem. I’ve had them.

    Either way, I feel like backing out now. Yes he’s gonna make a ton of money with this amazing job, yes we get along in everything. But something doesn’t add up. Am I wrong to start pulling away already?

    #744862 Reply


    what? you had ONE date! Why are you so intense? He doesn’t need to be updating you about his dad! You are a stranger that he met two weeks ago and has only seen once in person. BACK OFF. Don’t you have anything else to do? This is not normal. Please relax and go with the flow. If he has a family issue you let him deal with it and get back to you on his own time.
    The money thing is nothing compared to your suffocating behavior.

    #744866 Reply


    Yes you are overreacting BIG time!! His priority was to tend to his dad and let his other family members know what was going on like his sister. You are not a girlfriend, not even a friend at this point. You are a total stranger he has met ONCE! I agree I would have been put off by having to pay for drinks on the first date. I mean who doesn’t have a credit card? But you were being needy and acting like a girlfriend wanting to know about his dad. It’s really none of your business. If this is how you act after one date you really need to look at what is going on with you, not him. You’re overly attached to a man you’ve met once.

    #744869 Reply


    Bottom line something doesn’t feel right and he’s given me a reason to back out…my intuition is usually strong and I can sense this man has way too much drama already…

    I don’t wanna feel mistrustful but obviously I can’t deal with his type…

    #744871 Reply


    Oh goodness. You are going overboard with someone you hardly know.

    Yes, I think it would be really smart to ‘pull out’ just so you can unhinge yourself from this debacle and calm down.

    You are taking dating waaaay toooooo seriously! You don’t know this man at all, your not even at the ‘acquaintance’ level as that requires spending TIME together in order to get to know someone before you can determine their true character prior to deciding if they are worthy enough for you to progress towards anything further either as friends or a romantic relationship if you gel or mesh in a positive and progressive manner.

    So flipping what if he didn’t respond. If I was dealing with a family emergency (if it was true) the LAST person I would feel like engaging with is one I not only just met but didn’t have enough $$ to take on a proper date! Honestly, he shouldn’t be dating if he can’t afford it should have been your cue to walk away the moment he got flaky.

    #744873 Reply


    You gave him some money?
    How much money did you give him?

    Why didn’t you just pay your portion of the check?

    #744874 Reply


    So, we had spoken for 2 weeks. Within that 2 weeks i told him i dind’t want to meet and was gonna move on because he wanted to meet last minute 3 days in a row and I just wasn’t in the mood. Then on the day that I decided I could, he didn’t answer my call. I took that as a sign and walked away and didn’t communicate. Then we started again, and he said we’d meet in 2 weeks when he got paid. I was like cool. Why? Because I don’t rush anything. We talk, then facetime and we end up talking on the phone almost every day for 3 hours at a time.
    He decides he can’t wait to meet me and sets up a time. Then he calls me and asks me to be exclusive BEFORE we even MET. I told him NO WAY. I then said maybe we should slow down and if he wanted more from me so soon, then he should look elsewhere. He convinces me to wait until we meet. WE meet and its amazing. Really. The connection is good and we both feel we’ve known eachother a long time.
    Now comes the date where he can’t pay so I have him half and he says he’d pay me the next day. I was already having reservations so this just ADDs to it. Normally I wouldn’t care so soon if he was in the hospital and not giving me updates. But I’ve wanted to slow down from the very beginning, and now I just feel like he should walk.
    But he’s presently fighting me….as I suspected.

    I showed him I’m crazy. He’s not going anywhere. Just great.

    #744876 Reply


    How was he going to pay you back the next day if he had no money? Great scam though… I’m impressed.

    #744877 Reply


    L nailed it. it was just a free date for him. I doubt he is reliable.. forget him and move on.

    #744879 Reply

    check yourself

    You didn’t read/listen to a thing anyone told you.

    When you say something like this: “But I’ve wanted to slow down from the very beginning, and now I just feel like he should walk. But he’s presently fighting me….as I suspected.”

    …If you want to walk away, WALK AWAY. You can do that on your own, you don’t need his permission or comliance. Just walk away, all on your own.

    And just so you know, I’m not sure he’s the one with all the drama.(you said in one of your responses that he “has way too much drama already”) It sounds very much like you are quite adept at creating your own, all by yourself.

    #744882 Reply


    What a mess.
    He sounds like a drama queen to me, and I also feel you need to loosen up a bit.

    But what rubbed me the wrong way, was the money. He knew that he wouldn’t have enough money BEFORE ordering drinks, and then he had the audacity to ask you for money?
    And on the FIRST date???

    Nahhh…. something off…character flaw

    Follow your gut

    #744885 Reply


    he doesn’t get paid for another 2 weeks after starting a new job that is INCREDIBLE. So i was willing to wait. but he didn’t want to wait. So I knew going into this that we would have drinks only. But i ordered something else cause I forgot.

    he didn’t want to tell me no.

    i do believe that once he gets paid life will be easier.

    but last night was just something that made me feel like things are piling up against him already. and him asking me to be exclusive was ridiculous.

    #744883 Reply


    Sandra, you don’t feel it, why don’t you trust your intuition and walk away now?
    Learn to trust yourself.
    “He’s gonna make a ton of money with his new amazing job” first you don’t know him, and it could be a lie. For all you know he’s broken right now. And why is it even important ? The guy is weird !

    #744884 Reply


    I think you are both crazy. No normal person asks to be exclusive before even meeting. And on your end, that was your first clue to let this go. Talking to a total stranger hours on end is ridiculous. It creates false intimacy. Which is why you started acting like a girlfriend. I don’t even know what you mean by he won’t let you go. Or is fighting you. Lol. You had one date!, Both cray cray.

    #744886 Reply


    He did start a new job I saw him in it and his coworkers. Yes he is moving things along quickly I have to admit. And yes I felt something was amiss early. But I also know that I’m very mistrustful these days and jaded so I questioned myself.

    I like him. We like eachother alot and the connection is one I haven’t had in years. So I can say I’m human right now and struggling with this decision.

    But I also know that for some reason I already don’t trust him.

    And since when is it a problem to speak to someone on the phone for a long time? If you click, you click. Simple. this has happened with every man i’ve met – they like talking to me…

    #744887 Reply


    Ever hear of credit cards? He has zero money or credit? That doesn’t sound like a guy who’s going to make a ton of money. I assume you didn’t spend 500$ on drinks and appetizers? What amount could he not possibly put on a credit card since he was getting paid? And you said he was paying you the next day? How? Was dad going to loan him? You sound extremely naive.

    #744888 Reply


    You don’t click. You don’t know him. You had one date. Let’s see if you have to pay for date two. By the way, you have been talking to him? Where is your money he promised back? He forgot?

    #744889 Reply


    Put it this way

    If he worked at Home Depot, would you stick around?

    I have a feeling his new job and future pay check are a big part of this equation.

    #744891 Reply


    if he worked at Home Depot – NO.
    yes his job impressed me…he’s smart. I like smart. It’s not just about the money…
    As for the lousy $20, I may just take the loss and keep it moving…
    I didn’t think of a credit card I was just so taken aback by the situation and needed to leave…

    So when i brought up the fact that he could’ve reached out, he asked if he’s going to always be on the defensive, and when will his yes be yes and no be no. He’s way too defensive for someone who already F***ed up

    #744892 Reply


    This is too complicated for a first date and it should be.

    You’ve gone on and on about something being off, so stop seeing him.

    Simply tell him you had a good time but, you don’t want to go out again.

    How hard is that?

    All this fuss for what?

    #744893 Reply


    He basically said I’ll always be finding something to pick at as long as I try..and he’s not looking for drama. I said awesome do what you want. He said he’s going to work and have a great day. I said thanks you too…not answering anymore.
    I think he’s gone. =)

    #744895 Reply


    Yup. And so is your money.

    #744896 Reply


    You just don’t seem to understand he used you. He may even have a girlfriend. He got attention from you for hours. Got you to meet up and pay for the date and now is moving in to the next hit.

    #744897 Reply


    I agree

    He’s also full of sh*t about his “incredible” big money making job

    #744900 Reply


    You spent hours on Facetime before you met – why?? What a waste of time on someone you don’t know . Big red flags – wants to be exclusive before meeting and just started a new job and doesn’t have enough money for a drink? No credit card, really?? Then he has financial problems or is irresponsible and you don’t want to date him.

    You shouldn’t have bothered to meet him, you should have cut him off. And you will of course not get the money back. I don’t know who the bigger idiot is, you or him. No guy worth dating shows up on a first date with no money. He waits until he has it or he freaking borrows some from a friend. Either he’s going to use you financially or he’s putting you to a stupid test if he shows up to a date without enough money to pay at the very least for his own drink.

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