This topic contains 13 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anonymous 5 months, 2 weeks ago.
January 12, 2018 at 11:09 pm #678578
I’ve been friends with this guy for the past 6 years or so and within the past year I have developed feelings for him. I never told him because he had a girlfriend. A few months ago he broke up with the gf but he hasnt told me or our group of friends yet, a couple of us heard from a mutual friend. Plus we had our suspicions because we are now seeing him around with this other girl. I don’t know why he is hiding it….
I never planned on telling him but it got to a point where he figured it out on Christmas night (he was flirting with me) and I told him. I told him I was not telling him because I wanted or expected anything from him, i was just saying it to get it off my chest. I said this because I knew he started seeing this other girl. He did not exactly respond in any way. He just asked if I had anything else to get off my chest. I said no and that I should probably keep some distance for a while but he said why am I doing that, that he would be normal with me.
I am trying to be normal around him. He is normal, like nothing happened but whenever I see him with this new girl I sometimes get jealous and I have started to get distant with him. I think that this is the best for a while, to get over my feelings and move on. Plus i feel rather silly now for telling him. He has noticed the distance but hasn’t said anything to me. About a week ago we were supposed to hang out at a friends house and he asked one of our friends if it was ok for him to bring the girl and if it would be an issue with me. I did not go though since i decided to stay away from him for a while.
I dont want him to think that i have an issue. It is his life and he is free to do as he pleases. I hope this awkwardness between us can all blow over quickly and things can go back to being normal.
Sometimes i think about talking to him about it but then I think I should just leave it and hope that things will eventually work themselves out.
Can it ever be normal again? Or did this ruin our friendship??
January 12, 2018 at 11:45 pm #678582
Keep your distance until you get over it. Then get back in touch and see if it’s still possible to be friends. If it is, then let it go and don’t ever bring it up again. But you may find there’s too much water under the bridge and the reason for friendship doesn’t exist any longer.
I don’t think you did anything wrong by letting him know about your feelings. Clearly you are in the friend zone. It’s good you can accept that.January 13, 2018 at 12:13 am #678583
Space & time, my dear… Space & time.January 13, 2018 at 12:18 am #678584
I would just try to act as normal as you can, but don’t spend unnecessary time with him. And in the future, do not tell men you have crushes on them. This is a very middle school thing to do, and puts everyone in an awkward position. While a man might be initially flattered, it ruins the chase and so generally makes it less likely he would ever show you serious romantic interest.January 13, 2018 at 9:59 am #678634
You said you needed to get it off your chest. What does that mean? People don’t do things for the sake of doing them. They are motivated by something. You told him because you knew he was available and you wanted a chance to date him. At least be honest with yourself. He saw right through it. Which is why you feel so awkward. You took a chance and it didn’t happen. It’s not the end of the world. I don’t see him acting awkward so much as you. Don’t be embarrasssed. If you hadn’t taken the chance you may have missed out if he felt the same way. At least now you know.
I don’t think anything is ruined in terms of friendship. You can go back to that if you really want to. However, it seems as if now you still want him and so seeing him or him with other women takes a toll on your emotional health. If that’s the case then stay away. You will meet someone else and forget this ever even happened.January 13, 2018 at 12:15 pm #678649
Let me give you some hope. He ended a long-term relationship and immediately started seeing a new girl. We all know what it is called – a rebound. Let him date this girl, it own’t last long. It is a good thing he did not start seeing you right away, because this means you actually have a chance.
it is normal to feel jealous, do not play it cool. I would especially avoid meeting him and this girl together. If you want to see him be distant, do not go sappy and lovey dovey on him.
it is also not a bad thing that he knows you have feelings for him. Men always go to women who have feelings for them. Don’t we all?
He might not have the same feelings for you, that’s the bad part. But the good part if you play it right he might develop them.
By playing it right means do NOT be available. He knows you have feelings but let him doubt and wonder if you still have them.
Dress to kill, as sexy as you can. Always. You never know when you’d bump into him.
But do not post anything on your FB to deliberately make him jealous. Men see though things like that immediately and lose respect for us.
In other words, you have not lost anything. In fact, you might have gained some advantage here. Be patient and wait. But in the meantime to do not sit and wait for him to 3 end his rebound, have fun and date other guys. Go dancing, flirt, but do not make it obvious, I would even suggest to hide it from him. He will find out in time, you know that, so relax and do not do anything except improve your wardrobe. Time is on your side. LOLJanuary 13, 2018 at 1:34 pm #678661
“I dont want him to think that i have an issue. It is his life and he is free to do as he pleases. I hope this awkwardness between us can all blow over quickly and things can go back to being normal.”
Then you need to act normal. Right now you’re acting very awkward–being distant, not going to things. You’re doing it enough that he feels he needs to check with friends before bringing the new girl along. If you keep acting like this the awkwardness will NOT go away.
You have a bruised ego because you told him you’d like to date him and he’s not interested. If you want things to be normal and your friendship to work out, you need to get past this. Go to events, be happy, and just focus for the most part on everyone else. Smile at him, smile at his date.
“Sometimes i think about talking to him about it but then I think I should just leave it and hope that things will eventually work themselves out.”
No!!! Do not talk to him again. What is there to talk about? He already knows you like him. He doesn’t like you. He already knows you feel awkward about it. Another conversation will only make things worse. What do you think you will accomplish by talking again?
“Can it ever be normal again? Or did this ruin our friendship??”
Yes it can. I understand the need for space and time, and if you’re a complete mess, crying and heartbroken, then maybe you do need it. But if this is mostly a bruised ego and feeling awkward, I would dive in and playact normal –fake it til you make it. If you want things to feel normal again, be normal.January 14, 2018 at 10:05 am #678833
Why are you distancing yourself and not attending get togethers? You’re acting like you had some relationship with him, have broken up and now are dealing with a broken heart because he’s dating someone new. WTH?
If you don’t want him to think it’s an issue for you, why are you acting like it is?
Seriously. This guy was in a relationship, broke up, and is now dating someone else. I don’t see you figuring in there anywhere to be acting like you are.
You told him you liked him but he only sees you as a friend. Big deal. So what? He’s normal and you’re acting childish. Grow up and be normal.
Stop acting like this, like you’re an ex or something (you’re not), or he’s going to avoid you forever.January 14, 2018 at 10:24 am #678836
Some women and men are not cut out to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. I think in some cases they act as friends, but like the OP, secretly long that it could turn into more. It takes having strong boundaries and really not being attracted to the other person. In most cases guys will take set where they can. Which creates big problems if the women sees him as more And cant do casual sex. I have had male friends where it devolved into casual sex. Fortunately we could separate sex and feelings, In other situations it was clear just to be friends. I think if you want to have opposite sex friends you have to have strong boundaries. Because guys can do sex without feelings, and then talk with you about the hot chick he wants to date. If you feel this butt hurt, I suspect you were Lways hoping for more and were not in this just to have a friend,January 14, 2018 at 10:27 am #678838
Too bad your mutual friends are talking about you. You need to play it really cool to get the gossip off of you as a topic. Don’t talk about him, your feelings for him, her, with your friends, hopefully the gossip will die down.
I agree with the above post saying don’t put anything on Facebook trying to brag about how great your life is and how you are busy as heck . It will look desperate and pathetic. Be cool.January 14, 2018 at 11:01 am #678847
Dear Lord. Nowhere in her post does it say that had sex.February 3, 2018 at 6:11 pm #682170
So just a little update. I have kept distance for a little bit. No contact and no seeing him, which really gave me some clarity on the situation and how I reacted. Anyway, hard not to see him because we are dancers and we go to the same school, same class, same events. So I have put my feelings aside and trying to be normal.
Had a dance event last weekend and we met up there. Things were normal between us. Just like they used to be. Which was good. We planned to go to a concert so he suggested we go get the tickets the next day and get ice cream. So we did, me, him and another guy friend of ours. We three are inseparable.
So during our conversation, they were checking out girls and he said why am I not wearing my glasses, how am I supposed to check out girls for them. I said don’t worry I still can. So I was about to say I hope this works both ways and he interupted and said no we are not looking for guys for you. He also said when I meet someone how that person is not going to get approval from him because that person would be taking me away from them. Is he saying things like that to see how I would react or am I reading too much into it and it means nothing?February 3, 2018 at 6:51 pm #682171
That’s when you laugh & say, let me know how that works for you…February 3, 2018 at 7:04 pm #682173
I just laughed and brushed it off….