This topic contains 19 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Anonymous 3 months ago.
January 12, 2018 at 11:09 pm #678578
I’ve been friends with this guy for the past 6 years or so and within the past year I have developed feelings for him. I never told him because he had a girlfriend. A few months ago he broke up with the gf but he hasnt told me or our group of friends yet, a couple of us heard from a mutual friend. Plus we had our suspicions because we are now seeing him around with this other girl. I don’t know why he is hiding it….
I never planned on telling him but it got to a point where he figured it out on Christmas night (he was flirting with me) and I told him. I told him I was not telling him because I wanted or expected anything from him, i was just saying it to get it off my chest. I said this because I knew he started seeing this other girl. He did not exactly respond in any way. He just asked if I had anything else to get off my chest. I said no and that I should probably keep some distance for a while but he said why am I doing that, that he would be normal with me.
I am trying to be normal around him. He is normal, like nothing happened but whenever I see him with this new girl I sometimes get jealous and I have started to get distant with him. I think that this is the best for a while, to get over my feelings and move on. Plus i feel rather silly now for telling him. He has noticed the distance but hasn’t said anything to me. About a week ago we were supposed to hang out at a friends house and he asked one of our friends if it was ok for him to bring the girl and if it would be an issue with me. I did not go though since i decided to stay away from him for a while.
I dont want him to think that i have an issue. It is his life and he is free to do as he pleases. I hope this awkwardness between us can all blow over quickly and things can go back to being normal.
Sometimes i think about talking to him about it but then I think I should just leave it and hope that things will eventually work themselves out.
Can it ever be normal again? Or did this ruin our friendship??January 12, 2018 at 11:45 pm #678582
Keep your distance until you get over it. Then get back in touch and see if it’s still possible to be friends. If it is, then let it go and don’t ever bring it up again. But you may find there’s too much water under the bridge and the reason for friendship doesn’t exist any longer.
I don’t think you did anything wrong by letting him know about your feelings. Clearly you are in the friend zone. It’s good you can accept that.January 13, 2018 at 12:13 am #678583
Space & time, my dear… Space & time.January 13, 2018 at 12:18 am #678584
I would just try to act as normal as you can, but don’t spend unnecessary time with him. And in the future, do not tell men you have crushes on them. This is a very middle school thing to do, and puts everyone in an awkward position. While a man might be initially flattered, it ruins the chase and so generally makes it less likely he would ever show you serious romantic interest.January 13, 2018 at 9:59 am #678634
You said you needed to get it off your chest. What does that mean? People don’t do things for the sake of doing them. They are motivated by something. You told him because you knew he was available and you wanted a chance to date him. At least be honest with yourself. He saw right through it. Which is why you feel so awkward. You took a chance and it didn’t happen. It’s not the end of the world. I don’t see him acting awkward so much as you. Don’t be embarrasssed. If you hadn’t taken the chance you may have missed out if he felt the same way. At least now you know.
I don’t think anything is ruined in terms of friendship. You can go back to that if you really want to. However, it seems as if now you still want him and so seeing him or him with other women takes a toll on your emotional health. If that’s the case then stay away. You will meet someone else and forget this ever even happened.January 13, 2018 at 12:15 pm #678649
Let me give you some hope. He ended a long-term relationship and immediately started seeing a new girl. We all know what it is called – a rebound. Let him date this girl, it own’t last long. It is a good thing he did not start seeing you right away, because this means you actually have a chance.
it is normal to feel jealous, do not play it cool. I would especially avoid meeting him and this girl together. If you want to see him be distant, do not go sappy and lovey dovey on him.
it is also not a bad thing that he knows you have feelings for him. Men always go to women who have feelings for them. Don’t we all?
He might not have the same feelings for you, that’s the bad part. But the good part if you play it right he might develop them.
By playing it right means do NOT be available. He knows you have feelings but let him doubt and wonder if you still have them.
Dress to kill, as sexy as you can. Always. You never know when you’d bump into him.
But do not post anything on your FB to deliberately make him jealous. Men see though things like that immediately and lose respect for us.
In other words, you have not lost anything. In fact, you might have gained some advantage here. Be patient and wait. But in the meantime to do not sit and wait for him to 3 end his rebound, have fun and date other guys. Go dancing, flirt, but do not make it obvious, I would even suggest to hide it from him. He will find out in time, you know that, so relax and do not do anything except improve your wardrobe. Time is on your side. LOLJanuary 13, 2018 at 1:34 pm #678661
“I dont want him to think that i have an issue. It is his life and he is free to do as he pleases. I hope this awkwardness between us can all blow over quickly and things can go back to being normal.”
Then you need to act normal. Right now you’re acting very awkward–being distant, not going to things. You’re doing it enough that he feels he needs to check with friends before bringing the new girl along. If you keep acting like this the awkwardness will NOT go away.
You have a bruised ego because you told him you’d like to date him and he’s not interested. If you want things to be normal and your friendship to work out, you need to get past this. Go to events, be happy, and just focus for the most part on everyone else. Smile at him, smile at his date.
“Sometimes i think about talking to him about it but then I think I should just leave it and hope that things will eventually work themselves out.”
No!!! Do not talk to him again. What is there to talk about? He already knows you like him. He doesn’t like you. He already knows you feel awkward about it. Another conversation will only make things worse. What do you think you will accomplish by talking again?
“Can it ever be normal again? Or did this ruin our friendship??”
Yes it can. I understand the need for space and time, and if you’re a complete mess, crying and heartbroken, then maybe you do need it. But if this is mostly a bruised ego and feeling awkward, I would dive in and playact normal –fake it til you make it. If you want things to feel normal again, be normal.January 14, 2018 at 10:05 am #678833
Why are you distancing yourself and not attending get togethers? You’re acting like you had some relationship with him, have broken up and now are dealing with a broken heart because he’s dating someone new. WTH?
If you don’t want him to think it’s an issue for you, why are you acting like it is?
Seriously. This guy was in a relationship, broke up, and is now dating someone else. I don’t see you figuring in there anywhere to be acting like you are.
You told him you liked him but he only sees you as a friend. Big deal. So what? He’s normal and you’re acting childish. Grow up and be normal.
Stop acting like this, like you’re an ex or something (you’re not), or he’s going to avoid you forever.January 14, 2018 at 10:24 am #678836
Some women and men are not cut out to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. I think in some cases they act as friends, but like the OP, secretly long that it could turn into more. It takes having strong boundaries and really not being attracted to the other person. In most cases guys will take set where they can. Which creates big problems if the women sees him as more And cant do casual sex. I have had male friends where it devolved into casual sex. Fortunately we could separate sex and feelings, In other situations it was clear just to be friends. I think if you want to have opposite sex friends you have to have strong boundaries. Because guys can do sex without feelings, and then talk with you about the hot chick he wants to date. If you feel this butt hurt, I suspect you were Lways hoping for more and were not in this just to have a friend,January 14, 2018 at 10:27 am #678838
Too bad your mutual friends are talking about you. You need to play it really cool to get the gossip off of you as a topic. Don’t talk about him, your feelings for him, her, with your friends, hopefully the gossip will die down.
I agree with the above post saying don’t put anything on Facebook trying to brag about how great your life is and how you are busy as heck . It will look desperate and pathetic. Be cool.January 14, 2018 at 11:01 am #678847
Dear Lord. Nowhere in her post does it say that had sex.February 3, 2018 at 6:11 pm #682170
So just a little update. I have kept distance for a little bit. No contact and no seeing him, which really gave me some clarity on the situation and how I reacted. Anyway, hard not to see him because we are dancers and we go to the same school, same class, same events. So I have put my feelings aside and trying to be normal.
Had a dance event last weekend and we met up there. Things were normal between us. Just like they used to be. Which was good. We planned to go to a concert so he suggested we go get the tickets the next day and get ice cream. So we did, me, him and another guy friend of ours. We three are inseparable.
So during our conversation, they were checking out girls and he said why am I not wearing my glasses, how am I supposed to check out girls for them. I said don’t worry I still can. So I was about to say I hope this works both ways and he interupted and said no we are not looking for guys for you. He also said when I meet someone how that person is not going to get approval from him because that person would be taking me away from them. Is he saying things like that to see how I would react or am I reading too much into it and it means nothing?February 3, 2018 at 6:51 pm #682171
That’s when you laugh & say, let me know how that works for you…February 3, 2018 at 7:04 pm #682173
I just laughed and brushed it off….August 13, 2018 at 11:25 am #716852
Well I thought this situation was over but I have a little update. So things did gradually return to some kind of normailty between my friend and I. We were talking and hanging out as usual. I even met and have been seeing someone. However, all of a sudden for the past few months my friend has been acting really weird. He stopped responding to me on our group chats. Even if our group of friends goes out he would barely talk to me or not at all. He is being very cold and distant. I have been doing the same, keeping my distance etc. Maybe our friendship will never be the same again?? So I decided to just let things be.
But when I do the same with him he would go asking one of our friends if something is going on with me and how I seem to have alot on my mind because I am distant. I don’t understand it though, why do that when he is the one pushing me away? I don’t understand why he is being like this. Should I talk to him about it or just let it be as I have been doing??August 13, 2018 at 11:41 am #716858
Yea talk to him about it!! You were hobest with him about your feelings, he can be honest with you about his since he cares enough to ask other friends about you.August 13, 2018 at 11:52 am #716864
Nothing happens now!! This nonsense has been going on for 8 months now. You say you decided just to let things be but you wouldn’t be here posting if you had. If he’s acting weird then let him act weird. You just continue being nice and normal to him. Why are you being cold and distant too? That’s not going to save your friendship. It’s clear he’s not interested in you romantically. If he’s meant to be your friend it wouldn’t be this difficult. I bet you’re not this concerned with the other friends in your group if they’re acting off one day.August 13, 2018 at 3:42 pm #716905
I think whatever friendship you had, is done. First, please don’t read into his recent marks. It does not sound like he’s had a change of heart, and now wants to be with you. I’d hate to see you get sucked in and get hurt further. This is just his ego talking.
Men like to feel attractive and wanted too. He liked the attention you were giving him and the knowledge you were into him, even though it wasn’t mutual.
Now he’s just upset because you don’t seem to be pining for him. His ego is bruised.
The fact he thinks it’s ok for you to scout hot girls for him, but he was so adamant about not reciprocating, shows incredible immaturity.
Some men just like attention, just like some women who want men (they have no desire to be with) to fall all over them.
It’s a sign of insecurity and immaturity. People with healthy self-esteem and maturity don’t act this way.
I have many guy friends (and they are strictly friends-no benefits). If one of them told me they would not accept someone I dated without even meeting them, and acted that territorial and stupid, I wouldn’t keep them in my circle of friends.
I think you should continue keeping space from this guy, until you just fade from each other’s lives.
He’s not acting like any kind of friend I’d want.August 13, 2018 at 3:44 pm #716906
* recent remarks (not “marks”)August 13, 2018 at 8:18 pm #716932
Well I agree he is not acting like a friend, far less like one you’d want around. Maybe I did post because it bothered me a bit because I’m thinking I’m the one being normal and he’s the weird one and he has no reason to be and I was baffled.
I used to be really nice to him and friendly, even when he started being a clown. I am still nice when I see him but I am keeping distance. I think it is best given the way he is acting. There’s a limit to being nice. If this is the way he is acting if he has a bruised ego then I don’t need people like that around anyway but I thought he would have been over that by now. I have moved on and found someone and not like he wants for attention, there are lots of girls that give him that.