Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Not sure how to proceed…
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
mell.
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BT
My ex and I have been back in contact for over a month. It’s been fun and positive… we’ve reminisced, joked and sent things back and forth. I know the physical attraction is still stronger well.
I have mentioned that I’d started to date, whereas he’s said he’s not thinking about dating right now. I don’t know if that’s true or not. He posts and talks about a lot of things that make me believe otherwise. Either way, it’s clear that he’s unsure about dating ME at the moment. That’s fine. I’m working on myself, getting out there, etc and showing that life is moving forward for me.
All this brings me to the question. I haven’t heard back from in a week. He didn’t respond to my last text (a funny story) and has made no efforts to reach out as he was before. I have taken that as his as him backing away for whatever reason and have not reached out either. I don’t know whether to dip back into NC and see what happens? Or text him with something that can’t be ignored in the coming days? We all are having rough times lately… obviously I can’t do much more than text/talk with Covid going on, but I was hoping to make some moves forward while we’re stuck here.
Tallspicy
Leave it alone.
He has said in words and actions he is not really interested for real. Is that what you want?
BT
I believe that what may be true for someone one day may not be true the next. I believe he cares for me and is having a hard time letting go. But he is an ex, which means he obviously doubted that we could work long term. So I think he’s fighting his head/heart here. Perhaps me telling stories of new people in my life may have caused him to back away?
kaye
First of all, how long did you date, how long have you been broken up and why did you break up? I’ve had many exes I’ve caught up with, reminisced, joked and it never went anywhere. Then I’ve had an ex I dated, got back together with and went on to marry and am still happily married to! The thing is though when we got back together it was because we both wanted to make it work and from the beginning we made it clear we were trying again, not just hanging out. In your case you say he’s not wanting to date you or anyone at the moment and he’s gone a week without contact. Neither of those is a good sign. He could also think you’re just contacting him because you’re bored during Covid and doesn’t realize you want to try again. Has there been any discussion at all on getting back together other than you’re dating and he’s not?
BT
I haven’t let on that I want to get back together because everything I’ve read says that’s not what you should do. I’ve made it known that I was starting to date and move forward so he knows the train is moving with or without him. He’s said he’s not thinking about dating right now, but he also talks about the topics of marriage and dating a lot in general. We’ve known each other for over 3 years… haven’t dated that whole time, but I know him very well… he says a lot of back and forth stuff. We were supposed to get together then everything shut down. I think things would be different if all this wasn’t going on.
Tallspicy
Feel free to justify not just what he said and what he is doing, seems like a good plan. Men are clear in how they communicate if he says he is not interested, he is not. If he acts like it, then double.
He is not fighting anything, you are. Sorry to be very blunt.
If he were interested for real, he would step up if you shared you were moving on, not backed away. But honestly, I think you shared that to make him jealous, and now it is backfiring, but it is really not.
The best way to handle this is that if he wants you, he will get you and you won’t have to do anything other than say yes. You are doing more than that.
Newbie
I think you should really let go of this guy and start moving forward. Saying that to him and not meaning it was just a manipulative trick so he would step up. Same with you saying youre ready to date again. Really i get it, but as you can clearly see its not getting you anywhere. And you probably used the 30 day no contact and then reach out ploy.
You dont state why you broke up but i guess it wasnt your choice. So let him really feel what its like not to have you in his life. So far he has done nothing that indicates he wants you back. And you ignore that but make excuses instead. You are hurting yourself by deluding yourself. Be honest. You broke up. If its after so much time he never was really commited or you two got stuck in not being compatible. Or overall the relationship caused too much drama and fighting. Accept it, say goodbye to him, tell him its not good for you to stay in contact and go off his radar. Not a month but as long as it take to heal. Dont get stuckNatalie Degel
Keep on moving … don’t look back
mell
Are you really moving on, or are you just tryin to show him that you’re moving on, because you want to trick him into getting back together with you? Why did you get back into contact with an ex? Clearly it’s not just for friendly chit chat, since you can have that with any one of your many friends that you don’t share this kind of history with.
What I’m saying is be honest. With yourself. and with him.
If you’re not over him, you really shouldn’t be buddy-buddy with him because it’s going to hurt you, just like it’s doing now. You’ll talk platonically for like 5 minutes, read too much into it and wonder why he isn’t taking you back, when he’s just been polite to some ex he may feel he can’t shake off.
Honestly, keeping contact with exes is, 90% of the time far more trouble than it’s worth. If you want a friend, there are plenty of people out there you don’t have feelings for and who wont’ coplicate your future relationships (cos lets face it, most partners hate it when you keep an ex around as backup). And if you want a partner, there are plenty of people out there who may be compatible… and who haven’t dumped you already.
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