Not knowing how to move on


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This topic contains 8 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  J 6 days, 23 hours ago.

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  • #775248 Reply

    Ellen

    My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago by phone when I was on holiday with my friends!! A week before we both went to university. We had a serious relationship. We could talk about anything, we knew eachothers families and we visited a lot of places. I never had someone who put so much effort into me and a relationship. Everyone around me was very happy to see this, my parents too. No one saw this coming. I never got an proper explaination He said that we were too different which is far from the truth. I think you would notitice that right away and not after 8 months. Ofcourse everyone has different interests but it was nothint big. That I didn’t accept him but I liked him the way he was. I’m doing the no contact rule since the break up, I’ve seen him once on the train going to university and he just kind of smiled at me but I just looked away. What should I do next? I hope he realises what he has lost, I don’t understand how you can loose feelings for someone so fast when before I left he told my parents we would go to Londen and America in the summer. So many lies and fake promises..

    #775251 Reply

    J

    What exactly was his reasons for breaking up?
    Were there any fights before the split?
    Do you fight often?
    Does he party a lot?

    #775252 Reply

    J

    also how old is he? Is there any possibility he has met someone new?

    #775254 Reply

    Ellen

    Only the last month of our relationship didn’t went very well. I had to work everyday as a summerjob and he didnt have much to do. So he went out almost everyday with friends to drink and he started smoking again. And it just made me a little upset that his behavior had changed but I still let him. That’s all, it weren’t fights just small discussions that we fixed by talking. I think he got advice from the wrong people. We are both 19 and I don’t think so, he didn’t look at other girls.

    #775255 Reply

    Ellen

    He told me that we were too different because he liked to party, to drink and to smoke while he only did this this past month and before the relationship. He stopped doing this for me while I never asked him to do so.

    #775259 Reply

    Nathalie

    Looks like after he started partying again he realized he still wants the single life and used that “we’re too different” as an excuse to end things with you. He’s only 19 and honestly you can’t expect much from such a young lad.

    But it doesn’t matter anymore, if he no longer wants to be here there’s no point in making him want to. Pretty sure once he burns off some of those partying phase he is in right now there’s a possibility he will reach out to you again. But NC is good and I hope you can move forward too by using this time to reflect on if this is really the kind of guy you want to keep.

    #775261 Reply

    J

    ” So he went out almost everyday with friends to drink and he started smoking again. And it just made me a little upset”

    This tells me a lot right away. Slight lifestyle differences. He likes ot party/drink/some and you’re not into this lifestyle as much. As Nathalie said, he’s had a taste of party life and feels single life is for him.

    I agree once the novelty wears off, this will be boring for him. Partying is all fun and games for a while.

    19 is also too young to lock yourself down. Find your passions, goals, life dreams & meet amazing new friends and live a happy life. Don’t worry about this boy. You have your whole life ahead of you.

    The best thing in life is having fun, supportive friends. Reach out to more people in uni and start doing you. He’s doing him, now you do you.

    #775340 Reply

    Ellen

    Thank you so much both of you for the advice! This really helped me to realise that I should move on and live my life at it’s very best.

    #775346 Reply

    J

    Yes! He’s living his life, now its time to live yours. Create a fun filled world for yourself and eventually you will realise this break up IS for the best. It can only go 2 ways.

    WAY 1: You stay with him & dispute over & over the differences that separate you on a fundamental aspect. He’s unhappy. You’re unhappy. Both needs are unmet & eventually this would end. Caged birds and all.

    WAY 2: Realise there is a big world out there. Go book a holiday, meet new friends, take up a book club, have girl days out/sleep overs, get into fitness, create a study group at uni and start to find who you are.

    You don’t need him.

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