No spark but he won’t let me go, Help

This is a dead end.

Trust me, because when inexperienced 22 year old me acted exactly like him in a casual/fwb girl. 90% of the details you mentioned are the exact same. I can describe my situation if it will help

Block his number if he’s calling you. If he’s sending chocolates, give them to someone else. There are all kinds of solutions to stop him from harassing you at your door too.

You need to be the stronger one and leave him. And be firm no matter what he says or does. That’s the only way this ends. The longer you let this go on, the more you waste your time and sanity.

I agree with Anderson. This will go nowhere. You keep ignoring what he tells you: there is no spark, there is no in love, there is no gf/bf, there is no future. And you cling on to him temporary wanting to get into bed with you or wanting some company. If you date you have to listen what a guy tell you and believe and acknowledge the negatives. Just break it off in a nice way, saying its over since you want different things. Also think about what being nice and loving to a guy that doesnt want to commit to you will do to your selfesteem. It will be gone fast and it will take time to get it back, if that process hasnt started already

I would appreciate if you could describe your situation and also tell me why you were doing this at the time?

Did you introduce her to your parents? Because it’s what he did.

Have you EVER considered being in a relationship with her? I’m basically wondering if anything will make him change his mind about us.

How did you introduce you to his parents? I bet all my money it was as a friend or just your name.
You not listening to this advice the same as youre not hearing him. Why does he come back? Because its convenient. Its costs him nothing. And if you would want more, he can simply tell you that he told you a few times this was just a friendship. This is not about why he doesnt want to let you go. This is about you sticking around

And to Newbie’s latest point: this isn’t about him “letting you go.” It’s not up to him. This is about you having the strength and dignity to walk away from a guy who isn’t that into you but is keeping you around for company.

In my case it was a FWB (my first gf if you can call it that). And before we even got involved I told her in clear terms I was not ready for anything serious yet. That even though we had great chemistry, this would be casual. And she agreed. I thought I was doing the right thing by saying this to her; I wasn’t leading her on. But only made me complacent/relaxed and that made her catch feelings. And I can’t entirely blame her because I said/did very stupid and impulsive things. Basically, I was living in the moment: I dropped the L-word, got her gifts, was caring, attentive, talkative etc. We went on ~3 dates a week. I rarely let her pay too. So just like you, we were totally doing couple-y things as well. Even sharing secrets/skeletons. But this entire time one thing remained constant: I kept telling her it wouldnt be serious. A variation of your guy’s “there is no spark” if you will.

After 6 months, when we started having issues because obviously I wasnt committing beyond a certain point… she decided to be the one to call it off. I dont think I had it in to end it myself because I had some emotional/sexual attachment. Yet I 100% knew it was the right call and inevitable. I didnt see a future and never would. And it had nothing to do with her looks. She was very good looking

A couple of weeks later after we split up, recoil hit me like a truck. And I went crawling back to her. Blowing up her phone with calls, sending her tons of texts. I dont remember what I’d said but it was a lot of empty words. “I have changed.” I may have even said I need more time just like your guy. I didnt know what was going on at the time (at 22 my self-awareness was terrible) but my brain was in “dopamine withdrawal” and I was desperate to get back that “fix.” In the end I even landed at her doorstep. But she was so reserved and detached in person for the first time. And I’m glad she was, because that was the final reality check that it was over. And I’d stopped all contact. If she had given me another chance like I asked, it would’ve changed nothing except repeat the cycle.

Thank you Anderson. I appreciate your time in walking me through your past situation and replying to my multiplie questions.

I think you said, what I didn’t want to hear : he only cares about companionship rather than caring about me and what he could have with me.

Weirdly, I tried to end things with him a couple of weeks ago and said that I was fed up to be a mere placeholder and some warmth and replaceable company. I opened up about my feelings for him and said that I was hurting a lot. He crawled back to me telling me I wasn’t just company to him, and that I was special and he wanted me in his life.

We had a lovely couple of days together, I felt special for him. And here I am again.. realising that I’m just a good companion, and no more.

Anderson, is there any particular reasons why you couldn’t see a future with this girl? You said there was nothing wrong with her looks, but did her personality get on your nerves in any way though?

The guy I have been dating has physical / sexual and intellectual attraction for me. He also has affection for me. I thought that was enough for a relationship, but I must be a bit naive.

And last question : is there anything that could have changed your mind about this girl you dated in the past? I mean by that, could you have seen a future with her?

I’ve been where you are and it took a lot of rubbish treatment before I found some self respect and walked away for good.

Like you we did couple stuff, we had fun and connected so well, but he didn’t see a future with me. When I tried to end it he would hit me up with the “I miss you” texts and I’d go back. The final straw was him telling me that whilst he wasn’t actively looking for anyone else he didn’t know what would happen if he did. It was gutting to hear and really humiliating. My ego was bruised and I felt I wasn’t good enough but I walked.

It wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough, its just that I was only good enough in his mind for right now not the future. Things were so great when we were together that I couldn’t believe he wouldn’t develop feelings, but he had lost all respect for me. I’m mortified about how I behaved and what I put up with.

He is still single whilst I’m in a happy relationship with a man who shows me daily how he feels and tells me he is the luckiest man in the world. This current relationship is easy, no extreme highs and lows, just calm, peace and a feeling of love and contentment. I was so used to the dopamine rushes of a$$hat men that I struggled to recognise what I had with my boyfriend at first and was waiting for the other shoe to drop but 6 months in and its all great.

Deserve better than the scraps this man offers … so much better. End it and stand firm. Go no contact and move on. You will be so much happier in time, I promise xx