Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › No Contact – Short Term Relationships? and other questions about it
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 8 years, 1 month ago by
Megan.
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Megan
Does no contact work if you were only dating the person for a short time? (In this case, about 4 months?) If there was no “I love you,” etc.? I feel like no contact is meant for the longer, more involved relationships.
Also, what happens if he does not reach out to you during no contact? Does this mean he’s over it, it’s not working, he moved on, etc?
Paige
It doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself and move on.
Megan
I know, I know that’s not the point of no contact, but I was wondering what the general experiences have been with no contact and short term relationships (hence my question).
Maria
In my case, he called me in 3 weeks. We were not seeing each other for too long either.
Do not worry, he would not “forget”, and yes, he will try to move on, but it won’t be easy and it does not work usually, especially if the two for you had feelings for each other, in which case time does not factor in as much. If you stand your grounds and not contact him, chances of him contacting you after 3-4 weeks are high.
What are the reasons for you to breakup? Do not take him back, and especially not easily, if those reasons are still there. You will suffer AGAIN, only worse. The second time is much worse, not better. Torture does not get easier with time.
Megan
Thanks Maria. I feel like you give very good advice. I actually don’t plan on taking him back or really want him back. (The break-up is fresh – It happened Wednesday – he said he can’t see himself falling in love with me, but if I’m honest with myself it’s because I recently started becoming needier because he wasn’t able to give me more of himself due to work commitments. He was infatuated with me in the beginning and the dynamic slowly shifted).
I’m fine since the breakup. I haven’t even cried. I just would hate for him to suddenly want me in his life one day and than the next never hear from him again. I’ve never had that happen. Even men who were set on not wanting to be with me wanted me in their lives some way – as a friend, something – because they found me interesting, and cool, and fun. I would hate for this guy to just wash his hands of me and for me to never hear from him again. That would be a bigger ego blow than the break-up.
I don’t plan on contacting him. I have no urge to.
Megan
(right now, or today at least…)
alia
“I would hate for this guy to just wash his hands of me and for me to never hear from him again. That would be a bigger ego blow than the break-up.”
What do you mean? When someone can’t appreciate and don’t have feelings for you, it doesn’t automatically invalidate you as a person, does it?
Perhaps this time is as good as any to evaluate why you base your self worth on someone who may or may not call you. Understand that if he left, it is his loss. You still have you. So start loving and appreciating yourself more.They usually call within 3 weeks tops.
Megan
Good point. Thanks Alia. What I meant by that is I think it is his loss that the relationship is over, but I hate thinking that while someone may come to the conclusion that we may not be right for each other (his loss), he may not think: oh, well, we may not be a good match to date, I still think she’s a great girl, and would like to be friends with her eventually or have her in my life in some way (even if it’s down the road). especially because the break-up was amicable. you know what I mean?
alia
You cannot control what others think. You may be a great girl, but others may not think you are. There are plenty of negative people in the world and they hate people, and they hate their exes. It doesn’t mean their exes suck. Do you get my gist? Assume they miss you and assume they think you are great. Leave with dignity and pride. Stay honest and true and don’t let someone else’s opinion spoil your mojo.
If you feel like you need to redeem your neediness, the best redemption is becoming non – needy. You are responsible for your self esteem and your emotional health. All the thoughts you put in your head about what others may think of you are of your own making.
Megan
yeah. i know. it’s not even the end of the world if he never wants to see me again. but i guess if this is the only knee jerk reaction i’m having post break-up, it’s not the worst thing that could be happening!! I am wondering stil lthough, how likely it is for people to reach out after short term relationships? like does it really happen?
Kathy
Megan, I don’t think anyone can answer whether it will happen or not. It is a case by case basis.. You are doing what they call ruminating.. We all do it after a breakup or a bad cross road.. The same thoughts play over in our heads over and over until those voices eventually calm down. Emotions can still be there, but we quit asking ourselves “what if” so much…
Megan
good word Kathy. I am totally ruminating. I guess I just wanted to see other peoples stories to see what the outcome may be, but yeah it’s a total case by case basis.
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