This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Khadija 6 months, 1 week ago.
August 18, 2019 at 3:31 pm #760570
Met a new guy, been texting a month now, met up 4 times. I feel the connection and the chemistry. It’s great. He is charming, funny and very attractive. He has a kind personality, attentive, likes sharing, really listens and communicates well so far. Nothing to complain about. However, we are now at the peaking stage where we are getting sexually expressive. And on a personal level, I fear that things will move on too fast. He would text me or call me every morning and night. We might sent a text during the day too depending how hectic the day goes. I’m trying to let him lead. I don’t want to be too eager. We have already mentioned marriage but not on a deep level, we just said we both want to get married. And this is what freaked me out a bit after I thought about it. It’s almost as if I’m afraid to fall in love with him. So I want to move slower than he is so that there’s mystery and he keeps wanting to see me and be interested. How do I do that? I definitely feel he genuinely likes me. He made me his plus one to a wedding of one of his friend this coming weekend. I’m so nervous because it might lead to sex afterwards because he told me that it would be a resort wedding and he had already gotten a room there (before we met) and ask me to accept the invite only if I’m comfortable with staying with him. I do want to know him sexually (infact I can barely wait) as everything else is flowing nicely, but I just want to know how do you ladies pace yourself to allow things to evolve naturally in all areas. What are the tips in keeping him on his toes to get a lasting relationship? Thanks.August 18, 2019 at 3:43 pm #760573
Be yourself…August 18, 2019 at 6:02 pm #760587
I’m a 21st century woman! Before I make a man a boyfriend I must first explore everything which does include sex. I’m not afraid to take that step because this will not be for him but more for me to know it will be a good sex life. The tips I’m asking for are mainly for my composure. To not give absolutely everything of my being too early on. To not have rose coloured glasses on at all times. To think with my brain more than my heart. To come across as a woman who knows what she wants. “I dont need him. I want him.” Kind of attitude.
I’ve been dating a while, this is the first guy that really felt deep for me. So I believe I already have some basic ideas but I wanted all I can get from many experienced women. All the warnings and all the goodies.
And yeah we’ve met 4 times in a month but they were all quality days! Also there were many conversation exchanges in between. I got to learn a lot about him. And if he will leave after sex then better he leaves early on now than having me wasting my time for a few more months just so he will still leave anyway. But this one feels right because he’s actually more interested to know what I’m thinking, which is why it scares me.
@Raven – That’s funny because he actually told me that.
I guess I was looking to see if I was at least on a good path and to also learn as much as I can..negatives and positives.August 18, 2019 at 6:24 pm #760591
What omg said can be used as a major tip. Can’t make someone fall, they will know if they are.
But it sounds like you got it going well. You are thinking ahead and you know what you want. I love it!!
Just match his energy. Have your own life. Don’t seek too much of his attention. Right now he is just a potential, nothing more. Dont give him girlfriend benefits like giving him treats, or being extra sweet and caring or having sex on a regular. Don’t give him all your time just yet so do take your time. Make sure you ask him what he is looking for. Note that if you proceed with having sex with him your emotions might throw you off track, most women fall deeper after sex so learn to separate that desire from reality. Listen well to what he talks most about. Does he speak in a future sense or is he vague. Note the amount of time he wants to be in contact with you.
Generally, no one knows what will happen. I know many people that had it going deeply strong in the beginning only to not work out afterwards. As long you have that in mind then you’re good.August 18, 2019 at 7:44 pm #760599
TestAugust 18, 2019 at 7:56 pm #760606
I cant post what i wanted to say for some reason. But my main issue is that its not your job him liking you but you making sure yiu like him. And it takes more time than 4 dates to do that. Its good he is taking you on dates but thats really all it is at the moment. I would freak out myself if a guy i barely know would ask me as a plus one. I mean, i dont know the people getting married, or any other ones. Plus you know already it ends with sex. If you feel the time is right thats totally fine, but do remember guys dont get that attacked after sex, they bond over time. Im not a believer of the theory that youre sending out a wrong signal with having sex after a few dates. But i do know its the number one reason of heartbreak when the guy goes poof afterwards. So its really up to your gut. Last you sound already too invested in making this work and plotting how to keep him interested. Be like a guy and decide later if he is worth it. There is absolutely zero reason to plan and plot how to keep this guy. Read why men love bitches. Not to plan and plot but to be a real interesting and fun woman to love. Good luckAugust 18, 2019 at 8:07 pm #760610
And i like to cherish the moment where Omg and i say the same thing lol. And on a side note: he had to tell you to be yourself. If that was meant as a positive note like you were worried what to do on the wedding for example, thats fine. But if he had to ask you to be yourself more, then youre not that good on the fake it till you make it path. I dont mean overdo your exuberance but know youre fine, you were fine a month ago when you didnt know he existed and you will be fine if it doesnt work outAugust 18, 2019 at 8:25 pm #760611
I gave it some more thoughts. You want the guy stay interested. Lets put the sex aside for a while. Join him on a hobby he has. Men bond through activities. The whole whining and dining they do for women but if you play miniature golf, a pub quiz, a round of darts, or even better: something slighlty dangerous like bungee jumping you get better results. Then the sex: what do you want it to be. A test drive for yourself or the idea you both agree to be exclusive. Thats up to you to decide. Guys goes for sex, you know that. In their mind, paying for 4 dates and a wedding hotel really needs to be paid back woth sex. Most guys really are that simple. At least mine is. And it took me over more than a year to fully get to know him. And im still learning but less and lessAugust 19, 2019 at 6:33 pm #760679
All good points I like it!
Here is the deal, I’m not in love with him yet. My heart is safely in her seatbelt. All I’m saying is, this one is investing in me in many ways. We could have met up more but due to my working schedule (I work shift) I turned him down on a lot. And he is still pursuing. Today I was very busy with work and some errands I didn’t talk to him at all. And he called me all curious to know what I was up to. He almost didn’t want to end the call. Asked if he can see me today or help me with anything. Of course a man want sex, if he is interested in you of course he is physically attracted and wants you like that. The point is if he is giving a crap about all parts of my life, wants to know who I am, giving me his time, consistent with what he says and do I guess that’s all I really look for. My gut feels good about him but I don’t want to overthink it. Which is the reason I posted ladies. For your input. He hasn’t won me over yet but I’d be foolish to not notice the difference between a man that is playing the part and one that is genuinely caring. And when I say the dates where quality I did not mean coffee or just dinner, we went diving, took part in a photography competition together (taking pictures of other people), and also did a music gig. Yes we have much in common. And throughout all this especially when we kissed never once did his touch felt sexual. He looks me in the eye when he speaks and smiles a lot. He wants to listen to my music in the car when driving (yes even to Taylor swift). There was even a book I was searching bookstores after bookstores for to complete my collection and he got me that book. He remembers things.
Which brings me here, not planning and plotting but wanting to know how to pace it all. To keep it on track. To take precaution because I was asking myself if it was too good to be true. And when he told me to just be myself. It was during a deep conversation where I was in doubt. So I showed some vulnerability I guess and he made me feel encouraged in something challenging. Which I appreciate.
Anyway, I’m taking my time. If it feels right I will keep giving it it’s chance. Everybody has a bad side, even I. He has yet to know!! You can’t know a person even after years being together let alone a few weeks. I know this I’m not an idiot, so no worries I’m not tripping I just really like him and want this to evolve. Hence, asking for that advice. And I feel good about asking because it has given me your views which I will keep in mind. Thank you.August 19, 2019 at 6:53 pm #760681
I agree with Raven be yourself and don’t get into game playing to keep a man’s interest.
I would also suggest going about your day and keep up with your hobbies and interests. Some women get invested too soon and all their focus goes to the guy. Men can sense when you make them the center of your world and it doesn’t bode well.
In your case I think its too soon to accept that over night stay. Its not just the sex but, its really intimate to stay the night with someone. The sleeping next to them and waking up to them.
Let this play out a little longer so you can get a better feel for him. Only 4 dates in one month isn’t much for you to go on. All guys are wonderful and seem to be everything we want at first.
Take your time!