This topic contains 22 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 1 week, 2 days ago.
July 16, 2018 at 5:11 pm #713142
I was in a horribly abusive relationship and I finally met this new guy named Marc. Marc knows about my ex, but I haven’t told him the extent of the relationship. Well, I admitted to hooking up with my ex about a month ago when me and him met up to give back each others stuff. I regret it and I had a weak moment. Marc freaked out on me because apparently hiding this from him is lying since he knows my ex is blocked. He won’t hear me out and let me explain and I don’t know what to do :( We also were not officially dating. Marc and I have been talking for almost two months and haven’t slept together because we agreed to wait.July 16, 2018 at 5:22 pm #713149
Why would you be stupid enough to tell this guy you hooked up with an ex. Of course he would be upset. How would you feel if he told you he did that with his ex? You can’t fix it. Obviously you aren’t over th ex and your behavior shows it. You aren’t ready to date someone else and he would be a fool to date you and just be a rebound.July 16, 2018 at 5:31 pm #713155
Hi Blair-I wonder about your judgement that you would allow this with your bad for you ex. Were you hoping to get back together( a terrible idea ) or that he has changed ( naive) or you can’t control yourself-not good. I may sound harsh but #1 You should not have done it and #2 You should never have told the new guy. Sorry,that it does not make you look like a good bet for a relationship,even if you were were still in the casual stage with new guy. You were waiting for sex with him but giving it to Mr. Abusive-not good likely from new guy’s point of view.
I really do not know if this can be fixed. I guess all you can do is tell Mr. New guy that it was a stupid thing to be and hope he can see past it,as it won’t happen again. Then ,it is up to him.
Consider that you may not be ready to date, and if you may need therapy to deal with why you were in ,and stayed in, an abusive relationship.July 16, 2018 at 5:36 pm #713160
It was a horribly abusive relationship but you had sex with him. Fix yourself first. This new guy deserves a woman with a healthy self esteem and attitude.July 16, 2018 at 5:38 pm #713161
How did the conversation come up? Where was the lie? You didn’t tel him about the hook-up, then how did it come out?July 16, 2018 at 5:47 pm #713166
If you guys weren’t together at the time it was and is none of his business. The lying part is not good though. It’s hard to trust someone you know has lied, even if he has no right to be mad about you sleeping with an ex since you guys weren’t together he has the right to not be happy that you lied.July 16, 2018 at 5:52 pm #713169
I agree with OK. I’d be more troubled that your ex was horribly abusive to you but yet you willingly slept with him. That goes beyond what is classed as a red flag.July 16, 2018 at 5:52 pm #713171
Ali-he has no “right” technically, but the whole situation makes her look bad. She showed him that she is not emotionally healthy.July 16, 2018 at 6:03 pm #713178
If someone I was dating told me that they recently slept with an ex I’d give them to boot.
It makes one wonder will it happen again and that you aren’t over that ex.
Given the information you provided I think you need to work on you for a while before you get back into dating.July 16, 2018 at 6:04 pm #713179
I’m with Marc…July 16, 2018 at 10:30 pm #713226
T from NY
You are not emotionally healthy yet or truly emotionally available. That’s not a criticism — just a fact. This guy deserves a woman who doesn’t make lapses like this — and if she does — she sure doesn’t share the truth with a man who is not even her boyfriend. What purpose could it possibly have served? Except A) to create drama B) to try and make Marc jealous or C) you mistakenly thought you HAD to tell your new love interest?
Sad to say — any of the above answers show you do not understand healthy boundaries and are not a whole partner that someone could depend on right now. Most of us have probably been co-dependent at one time. Please read some books on healing, get a therapist and start to love yourself so you will no longer self-sabotage and be ready and in a place to receive healthy love.July 16, 2018 at 10:57 pm #713231
Peggy, I do agree and if someone was on here asking from his perspective I’d tell them to stay clear. But there’s a difference between him saying “hey, you know, it seems like you aren’t over your ex and aren’t ready to date so lets break this off” and acting like she somehow “cheated” on him or something…July 16, 2018 at 11:07 pm #713236
Send Marc my way. I have multiple lovers, but I won’t lie about it.July 16, 2018 at 11:22 pm #713241
You can’t force him to talk to you if he’s angry. Don’t contact him again. If he reaches out, great. If he doesn’t, then you learned a lesson for next time.July 17, 2018 at 12:31 am #713243
It was a really bad idea to tell him!
I can’t see you lied, but I can see why he’s angry. You’re waiting to have sex with him for 2 months and half way through that, jumped into bed with your ex? Ouch! That must have stung him!
I’m not sure this is fixable. If I were him, I would stop seeing you too. You’re not in the place for a new relationship because you’re not over your ex. You must have only recently split up if you were exchanging your things a month ago. You may have had a weak moment, but there’s no way you would have had sex with him if you no longer had feelings.
I would focus on fixing yourself. Get over the ex properly before you try to start something new.
Marc may calm down and see you weren’t actually together when this happened. It’s possible. But I think it’s more likely that he’ll feel you’ve used him as a rebound and a relationship with you is too high risk.July 17, 2018 at 3:50 am #713256
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Marc probably isn’t mad at you. He is probably disappointed in you and realized you aren’t good for him. Blocking you is his way of keeping his sanity. Anyone that would hook up with an abusive ex isn’t ready to date.August 14, 2019 at 11:10 am #760168
This post is from over a year ago, it got bumped by SPAM! I’m sure Marc has moved on by now!August 14, 2019 at 3:06 pm #760186
Oops I should check the dates on the last post.August 15, 2019 at 9:16 am #760251
The Truth Bringer
I think he is being hypocritical. All men cheat. Never feel bad about cheating on your man because I promise you he has done much worse. I think if he really likes you he should let this go. You were not officially dating and you just slipped because you were around your ex. Sadly you have lost your new guy. That sucks. I hope you can find someone even better than him and have better outcome. Do not beat up on yourself because of what you did. Just try to learn from it.August 15, 2019 at 3:26 pm #760285
So you had a weak moment and got some easy sex with someone familiar. It’s none of his business. He was just looking for an excuse to bail and you gave it to him. Ask marc if his vagina hurts, offer him a tampon, and start over with someone new. If you really want to hurt him hook up with his best friend or a close family member. That’ll show him….🙄August 15, 2019 at 3:57 pm #760286
Feed him some prune juice…