Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › My partner doesnt talk to me over issues
- This topic has 9 replies and was last updated 3 years, 11 months ago by
Tanya.
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Anon
I’ve been with my partner 3 years we dont live together we have had a lot of issues in the relationship all his doing. My issues with him is trust and that he lies about little things like he tells me hes going to do one thing then hes doing another. Hes also gone behind my back a couple of times talking to other woman its sent my insecurities through the roof because of it and I’ve found it difficult to get over it. he said hes over it and I should be over it and ws shouldnt talk about it again so I just plod on and try to get over things and get on with the relationship but there are still issues I’m having with him like hes phone being on silent when hes with me and when I try to talk to him about it he will say it wasnt on silent then gets really defensive and starts shouting and swearing and hanging up the phone.hes always said I shouldnt talk to other people about our issues I should go to him but when I do he reacts like that so i dont know what else to do. I tried to talk through some issues tonight with him and I got the same response, him swearing hanging up the phone.
I said to him we should talk things through I dont want to go to bed on an argument because it makes me feel crap and i said if we cant communicate and i cant talk to him theres no point and his response was see ya and hung up. I haven’t called him bk again and i wont hes already told me hes got nothing to say and i wont hear from.him the rest of the night or tomorrow unless i call him first i dont know if i should just walk away as i feel like hes too childish I have no trust and we are in lockdown which makes me worry more about things. Need some advice I’m 35 hes 50
Raven
You’ve posted about this before…
Why are you still ‘with’ him?
Newbie
You dont trust this man, you know he is playing you, you know you lost your power to this old geezer so what you expect our advice will change for you? I wouldnt be with such a man but you would. I cant advice you, it sounds like you dont want to be with someone who really cares about you and doesnt smell like an old sock
Newbie
Why is it so hard for people who are getting conned to say good bye?
ANM StaffKeymasterHi Anon – Raven is correct that you have posted about these relationship troubles before. I’m very sorry to hear about your experiences. I hope that you’re able to find answers and clarity.
You’re welcome to ask our community advice. I hope that everyone who has responded to your past topics has given you some positive and interesting things to think about.
May I ask a favor of you? Could you respond to me and let me know that you have seen my post here? That’s all I ask – just let me know that you have seen this message.
I’m asking this just because I’m concerned that you may not have found your way back to your posts here. Our community members have responded to you before, and I’m hoping that you saw their advice. If you respond to me here, then I’ll at least feel better knowing that you have come back here to see that (so far) Raven and Newbie have responded to you.
Thank you. Best wishes to you!
Paige
Hey, Newbie – Not all of us who are over 35 are “old geezers” with poor personal hygiene habits. LOL!
Leski
lol Paige!
Anon, any updates? Like the other posters, I do not think this man is good for you. Did you hear anything from him since last night?
Newbie
Lol paige, i got upset about all these probably lovely women letting these older men walk all over them. Im 51 myself and im still clean. My dad however is 77 now with alzheimer and still is able to sign up to a dating site every time he has a change and gets lots of responses.
Btw, thanks anm moderator for your workNathalie
Hi Anon, I think the best way to deal with people like this is to not argue, not to fuss especially after you’ve told them repeatedly what the issue is. People like this needs to see consequences. So if you know what you want and you’ve explained to him that his behaviour/attitude is not going to get him in your heart then you shouldn’t be the same with him and you walk.
Also, I dont know if your own baggage of trust issues is making it difficult for him to communicate, what i mean is, when someone has trust issues every little thing needs to be accounted for otherwise it feels shady to them, even innocent things. And it is very hard to make someone like that secure. A person will eventually get tired of the same issues and will give up in talking. So if the things you can’t trust him on are legit then read on.
You didn’t say if things were like this the whole 3 years or if only the last months but either way he’s not going to work with you on this if you tell him about the stuff he does but still keep things safe for him. This time don’t look for him, don’t accept things to proceed as normal if he doesn’t make an effort to respect you and the relationship. If he shows he wants to compromise or improve, tell him directly what would help you trust him better. But that’s only if he comes to you for a change.
If he’s being stubborn then honestly he thinks he is right and you can do whatever you want and he wont change a single thing. So use that and take a break from him. #staysafe
Tanya
I feel like you’re describing my boyfriend. I’m also 35 and he also cheated on me. He’s 40. I almost wish we could talk one on one, you and I. He also doesn’t know how to communicate. He gets defensive easily, calls me names, and it’s gotten to the point that I apologize for everything. To him, I’m always wrong. I feel like I’m walking on egg shells all the time, with my head down. I don’t believe there’s anything you or I can do to make the relationships better. It’s them. I’m starting to realize that. I don’t know if it’s a cheater thing? Where they continue cheating, so they shush us by getting defensive and making us feel crazy? Only guilty people get defensive. I started seeing a therapist recently, maybe you should consider the same?
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