This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Ok 4 months, 3 weeks ago.
July 18, 2018 at 8:55 pm #713634
We have been FWB for about a year now. When we first started out, we made it clear it was FWB, just 2 adults finding pleasure in each other. We are actually friends though. We were before this started.
It started, I guess, because we had too much sexual tension building between us. A year in, the sex is great. We have fun. We have sex a few times a month and keep it very secret as we work at the same place.
Here is the thing. I am starting to wonder if maybr he has feelings for me. Let me give a few examples of why I may think this.
We technically never go out as we are keeping it secret. He never invites women to his house, but I go there. We text daily. He texts me every morning. He asks me questions, we talk about everything. He asks my opinions on many things. We talk about going out, just haveny made that happen yet.
During sex, there is a ton of eye contact and it feels like we connect. We really enjoy each other.
Hmmm, could he have feelings? It feels like more than simply a casual thing. Maybe developing more?July 18, 2018 at 8:59 pm #713636
Why did you two not wanted to be in a normal relationship but in reality have it? What is this game with NOT having a label but have the real thing?
And why does it surprise you that feelings develop?
If it’s been a year and you two feel this way about each other then don’t waste this.July 18, 2018 at 9:09 pm #713638
Why are you questioning his feelings? Why not acknowledge your own feelings first?
Honestly i cant tell his feelings. I had a fwb for years and looked him into his eyes and didnt feel s thing long term.
Ask himJuly 18, 2018 at 9:12 pm #713639
At the time, neither of us really wanted a relationship. So we agreed to this. And now, I have feelings for him and I am trying to figure out if he does as well.
He hasn’t been with other women since we started this but says he will tell me if he found a woman he wanted to date. I haven’t been with anyone else either.
I asked him last week if he still wanted this with me and he said yes. I expressed concerns of not being able to find time as I will be working a second job possibly, he said we will figure It out. He makes it seem as though he wants this. But how could I possibly tell if it is just sex or more?July 18, 2018 at 9:15 pm #713640
You think he is on some website asking if you have feelings for him?July 18, 2018 at 9:19 pm #713643
Ok ill be more serious. If your feelings have changed, tell him. Amd ask if he feels the sameJuly 18, 2018 at 9:24 pm #713644
Some eye contact and him actually treating you like a human being by also being your friend means he has deeper feelings for you? I don’t personally see that.
Does he say caring things to you? Tell you how much he loves being with you, compliment you, treat you tenderly?
Just a bit of pillow talk and some eye contact and some texts doesn’t mean he’s falling in love.July 18, 2018 at 9:41 pm #713649
Unfortunately, none of what you describe means anything unless he actually tells you he is looking for more.
Many men want the “GF experience”. This is nothing new. Men have feelings too. They also crave interaction and closeness outside of sex. If you have clearly defined this as FWB, many men figure they can act “boyfriend-ish” because there is no pressure or expectation that it means anything deep or significant – other than enjoying themselves. They will happily take the perks of a GF without wanting or making you one. Most men have mastered the art of being “in the moment”, and unlike many women a relationship is not a destination, unless they meet a woman they can’t imagine a future without.
There are some women who can handle FWB and want nothing more, but in most of the cases we see here, many of the women “accept” this situation hoping they can turn it into a relationship.
That is not usually the case.
I hope you can be honest with yourself and decide if you are really happy with this situation as it is. Because if you are hoping for more, I’m afraid you are in for a very big disappointment. And if you are hoping for a more substantial relationship with this man, I think it best you bring it up with him and find out where he’s at, one way or another.
If you are not on the same page, and don’t want to make yourself crazy, insecure, and miserable… then you need to be prepared to end the “benefits”.July 18, 2018 at 10:34 pm #713661
This sounds a bit naive, to be honest. how old are you?
I am sure he has feelings, you turn him on, he likes you, he laughs with you, he loves spending time with you and he is in heaven when he’s having sex with you.
But for men and, in general, it takes more than this, to develop real, lasting feelings. It takes a decision. A decision that has more to do with your maturity, stability, etc. than just an attracion to someone else.
He might suddenly feel this, because of how he enjoys his time with you, but it’s not very likely (since he is openly saying that he doesn’t want a relationship – it’s probably because he doesn’t).
And to answer your question – no, those signs don’t mean anything. they show he really likes you, sure. I’m sure he does. that doesn’t mean that he sees a future with you.July 18, 2018 at 10:36 pm #713663
but anyway, I think Newbies’ advice is good – if you get to the point that you either want more than this or nothing – then just tell him. you can be as open as you wish, you can say, I am liking this too much, and I don’t like the idea of you being with someone else. and then it’s this way or another. either he says that this is what he was waiting for or he withdraws. but keep in mind that if you do bring your feelings up, it may be he end.July 20, 2018 at 10:00 am #713849
This is the second thread you posted about this man. Aren’t you still technically married? And he’s only sees you for sex twice a month? You can ask him, but nothing you say suggests he wants more from you. If you have to keep things a secret how I see this ever supposed to develop into anything? You had an emotional affair while married, separated and then agreed to have sex with this guy twice a month. It’s been a year. How are you so sure he’s isn’t seeing other women or doesn’t have other women at his home. You aren’t there all the time abd he told you he would let you know if he started seeing another woman seriously. That means he is still looking, you really have nothing to lose if you just ask him.