My boyfriend & my best friend


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This topic contains 43 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  alia 7 months ago.

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  • #736159 Reply

    Jenny OG

    I’ve known my best male friend almost 20 years. I absolutely adore him. He’s loyal, supportive, and protective of me but it hasn’t been a secret that his feelings extend beyond friendship. It never became a major issue but through the years we’ve had a handful of episodes where I’ve had to address certain behavior he exhibits towards me *mostly when MASSIVELY drunk* where he’ll become upset because I “don’t like him” or he’ll become emotionally and physically aggressive, attempting to cuddle up by me or frantically search for me at parties. The catch is that he’s also my boyfriend’s, brother’s best friends for even longer than myself = he’s extremely close to their family. In the beginning of G & I’s courtship I didn’t discuss it w my bestie bc quite honestly, I wasn’t anticipating anything long-term. But before this last reconciliation, I finally approached the topic and asked how he felt about the situation to where he replied “I don’t care as long as you’re happy” & I really appreciated his blessing.

    My issue now is that he now makes subtle, disparaging remarks about my boyfriend in passing conversation “I know he lives in a million dollar home but I don’t even know what his REAL job is”, “He disappears for weeks at a time”, “His parents are STILL suffering the consequences of his choices”, etc. At first I took it as him being a little jealous but now it’s like he’s one-sidedly fighting for my affection.

    I guess I’m just venting but it’s becoming really frustrating and I’m not sure how to address it

    #736160 Reply

    Jenny OG

    My boyfriend has NEVER said anything negative about my bestie. He’s even the opposite in that he felt guilty and concerned for him when we started to become more serious *again because his feelings were no secret. But I was at the boyfriend’s last night when my bestie text at close to 11P asking “Did you have a good weekend?” Naturally, were in bed and G isn’t happy to hear a ping at such a late hour. I told him who it was, didn’t respond but you could tell we both felt a little awkward after bc it’s so close to home separately yet individually for both of us…

    #736162 Reply

    lala

    Why are you doing this? It seems so selfish and makes me think you love the attention and drama. If your friend has feelings for you that you don’t reciprocate and you are seeing someone else then you have to be the adult and tell him that you can’t communicate like you used to.

    You seem to want everyone’s attention all on your terms. He has feelings so stop stringing him along and focus on this BF that you so love to brag about.

    #736164 Reply

    LaughingAllTheWay

    Again? Really?? Jenny… grow up. You’re addicted to stringing men along, you’re an avoidant personality, you’ve been posting how you love to toy with men for years. The guy has feelings for you and you know it. It’s an ego feed for you. Posting here about it is an ego feed for you. Your story has grown tiresome.

    If you’re with G for real this time, then you need to cut him off. You know that. But you won’t do it. You’re keeping him as a back-up in case it doesn’t work out with G. You love that he’s into you and you can take him or leave him. Anyone with any common sense would have dropped this silly game a long time ago.

    #736166 Reply

    Jenny OG

    Stinging him along??! This man & I have been FRIENDS for TWENTY YEARS. I trust him more than even some of my close GIRLfriends. He will be my friend regardless of what transpires w G & I, he’ll be at my wedding *even if it isn’t G I marry. I consider him a confidante and up until now, I just didn’t discuss either to the other and it worked out. I actually just text him back & he asked what my weekend plans were. I tell G for the most part everything he wants to know but I don’t think I’ll ever tell him the things he says sometimes bc let’s be real, 30 years of connected FAMILIES isn’t going to break because of sh*t talking nor would I EVER want that. I choose & have chosen my boyfriend time and time again romantically but that doesn’t dismiss my devotion to my bestie. My experience with men’s obsessiveness is just annoying me today

    #736168 Reply

    Jenny OG

    And my ego is fed enough by real life, if you think I’m fueled by words from a complete stranger on a screen your personality comprehension is lacking. On top of that, to be psychologically diagnosed as blah, blah & blah is an ego boost how again??! That rationality is near to non-existent. I guess I haven’t accepted that my circumstances aren’t relatable to you/most so posting ends up being not very beneficial… unfortunately

    #736169 Reply

    lala

    that response was 100% about you.. what you want and how you feel. Selfish, egotistical and unattractive

    #736170 Reply

    Jenny OG

    I haven’t been married, so no divorces here. No children out of wedlock. I left my college sweetheart consciously because I wasn’t fulfilled *not because of cheating or any form of abuse. I don’t commit unless it’s a combination of what ‘I’ want and I wholeheartedly understand and am willing to carry the responsibilities. I have mostly positive experiences with dating AND men in general. I’ve never recieved a d*ck pic, I’ve never been called names and I’ve never ever EVER had a man put his hands on me. All previous suitors and I split amicably and the last time a man spoke ill of me was when I was in highschool… so forgive me for not being jaded, toutured, or broken by the thought of men or my relationships w them

    #736171 Reply

    LaughingAllTheWay

    ROTFL. The lady doth protesteth way too much.

    Painful to be called out on your s***.

    If you were so happy and well adjusted you wouldn’t be posting here.

    #736172 Reply

    LaughingAllTheWay

    Of course you haven’t been married!! You can’t commit!!!

    #736173 Reply

    Jenny OG

    Lala, versus what? Basing my decisions on what YOU or my parents, my boyfriend, my dog wants and feels??! How’s that worked out for you thus far? I’ll make no apology for living my life in a way that ‘I’ find PERSONALLY and specifically fulfilling to ME. Or should I just cross my fingers and hope my idealized la-la land where people are kind, honest, dignified & full of integrity transpires before my eyes…? I wish! But Daddy didn’t raise no dummy

    #736175 Reply

    Jenny OG

    So now posting on here = unhappy and unstable. Offensive but ignorant people usually are. They lack what we in the south call, couth. I’m committed now. I tried on the most beautiful gowns and decided this one’s the one I want :) we’ll be living together by the end of the year, hopefully engaged by the end of next then naturally marriage & babies not far behind. Wish me luck! :)

    #736176 Reply

    lala

    wow, defensive much? I make my decisions taking other people’s feelings into account.

    You sound dreadful. Best of luck

    #736178 Reply

    LaughingAllTheWay

    Posting here for years about the same stuff all the time = not happy and not moving forward. Go read your past posts from over the years and and look at the patterns. There’s a good reason you’re getting the responses you’re getting from me and Lala, whether you want to admit it or not.

    Sweetheart, you KNOW the answer to your question. Cool it with him or let him go – doesn’t matter how long you’ve known him. It’s grossly unfair to keep him around knowing he has feelings for you that you will never return, and now you’re with someone else. Until you get itchy feet and change your mind anyway. Stop playing little girl games if you’re going to be a big married girl in a beautiful wedding gown.

    OK, so… good luck Jenny.

    #736179 Reply

    Jenny OG

    I’ve been overseas, I’ve gone to the shows and festivals, felt the NYC chill over Christmas, summer sun of California beaches, skied the slopes of Colorado, partied rooftops in Vegas. I’ve lived in high rises downtown developed lifelong friendships in college. I see my grandmothers weekly & attend church every Sunday. I’m established in my career, drive the car I want, have the dog I want and am in good health. I know what the next chapter entails, I’m aware of the sacrifices you make for children and the hardships & responsibility you carry to keep a tidy, healthy, positive & supportive home life. Some people choose to experience life in a different way before “settling down”, others don’t… No regrets here :)

    #736180 Reply

    Jenny OG

    So, cut the bestie out when he’s also best friends with my boyfriends brother *meaning he wouldn’t be cut out of my boyfriends life… And I guess just be awkward and not speak to him if/when we’re at the same party, or we have people over for a game, or when we attend functions. Or do I say “hi” but only at these functions then return him to the disposable bin after…? Or maybe I should just tell my boyfriend’s brother that he can’t be friends w him either because I can’t have him around me. That’s prob the solution right there. I’ll do that! Lol *insert eye roll

    #736181 Reply

    Jenny OG

    Anyways, have a nice day. I don’t get paid to look pretty! :)

    #736192 Reply

    Zoey

    Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends with someone. I agree with Laughingalltheway. If one of YOUR FRIENDS is being disrespectful to your relationship (e.g. by inappropriately touching you, being flirty with you, etc.) you need to cut their ass off because that is not someone that is a real friend anyway. they clearly don’t respect you or your relationship, because if they did they would understand that there’s a certain boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. But because you continue to entertain this guy, KNOWING he has feelings for you, you clearly like the attention you get from him. Surely your boyfriend wouldn’t be too happy about that, would he? Think about it if it were the other way around. If he had a female friend that was acting the way your male friend is acting, surely it would make you uncomfortable and you wouldn’t like it. Out of respect for your boyfriend and your relationship, I would advise to keep your guy friend at arm’s length, meaning the two of you hardly ever communicate or completely cut him off altogether. And stop using the amount of time you’ve been friends with someone to justify their poor actions.

    #736197 Reply

    anonymous #56985

    It seems to me if you want help, you’ll get opinions in this forum that don’t always align with yours — and people are pretty blunt about it! Instead of letting it go, this OP seems to latch on to/attack the critics then post about how awesome she is, and how awesome her life is and how ridiculous the commenter is that doesn’t agree with her.

    Honestly, this forum sounds like a huge waste of time for her — other than getting all the attention, that is. And the post about a guy “best friend” versus her boyfriend sounds a bit like someone loves attention which matches her reaction to pretty much every comment. And every one of her comments on other posts is all about her as well. She’s an attention junkie. lol And a bit of a drama queen. *eye roll*

    #736204 Reply

    Jenny OG

    I love myself. Won’t apologize for that either. Take it or leave it. I have enough takers that people like you who are absolutely entitled to your opinions don’t necessarily align with me and I’m 100% okay with that. We all strive for and value different things in life and I’m supportive of each individual finding that and figuring that out for themselves. If the judgements of insignificant people I merely canvass influenced my self-worth & choices, I’d prob be more like you. Lol. I’m kidding. I’m KIDDING! Lol. I’m going to talk to my bestie. He’s not been made aware of G & I’s level up. I value the relationship enough to have an honest conversation in hopes of maintaining it respectfully. I think he’s just feeling a little insecure so reassurance of my deep esteem for him will hopefully smooth things over

    #736206 Reply

    Emma

    Your bestie of 20 years said a couple of things that smelled of envy and texted you at 11 pm once (not a voice call, a text). Ok. what do you need help with exactly?

    #736207 Reply

    Jenny OG

    My whole life I’ve struggled with people whose feelings I just didn’t reciprocate. I would feel guilty, ungrateful, undeserving. When I would voice that I didn’t feel the same 9/10 would do a 180 and almost penalize me for not liking them- start ignoring me, treating me as if I’d done something to them. He never did this to me. He never made me feel bad for not being on that page. Yes, he lost composure on a few occasions but his affections are sincere and I’m just not willing to cut that off because he’s having a hard time adjusting. I do get annoyed, I was annoyed. I LOVE attention but not how you all imply. I want attention from the men & people I love and only theirs will do. I paradoxically can’t stand the attention I receive from those I don’t and complete strangers *which I get all the time. You don’t know the feeling of someone following you around the gym or a party, being stared at and watched. I get this is a “grass is greener” thing but sometimes you just want to be left alone

    #736212 Reply

    Jenny OG

    And this goes for women too. We meet and a month later I’m your “bestie”. That’s not how I operate. I don’t WANT to spend every weekend with you or talk for 5 hours every night about your boyfriend being a d*ck. I don’t want to be a bridesmaid when I’ve only known you for 6 months. I know it’s hard to understand but my circle is one of value and substance for MY life & MY temperament. I’m completely open to and accepting of others. But it’s my right to choose who I give certain parts of myself to & get to do that in whatever which way I want

    #736213 Reply

    u b empty inside

    the more you write, the more you reveal how painfully insecure you are.

    Prediction.. this guy G is going to dump your ass because you are bottomless pit of need and desperation.. You don’t love yourself. If you did you would not be on a random web forum feeling the desperate need to convince strangers how great you are. Pathetic.

    #736216 Reply

    Jdj

    Haha that’s funny…I remember the pic she used to have up…really basic…I can’t imagine strangers following some boring flat chested basic bitch around a gym or whatever. But if you think your so great good for you!!

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