My boyfriend is talking to another girl


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This topic contains 38 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Mari 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #534683 Reply

    Jen

    My boyfriend is constantly on Whatsapp talking to another girl and it’s driving me crazy!!! I can’t stop stalking when he’s online and it makes me mad when he’s online but doesn’t initiate a conversation with me.

    English isn’t his first language so we have difficulties texting cos his replies are always so short and hard to continue a conversation. Meanwhile, he texts her every chance he can get. I’m incredibly jealous of this girl cos her contact name is “R :* :*”, and he sends her kisses in every text. When I snooped through his phone he was very confused why I would be upset cos apparently it’s a very normal thing but sorry, it isn’t for me.

    How can I stop feeling this way?? He thinks I’m overthinking and being paranoid (apparently he’s known her all his life and they are childhood friends) but I recently discovered he has a passport picture of her in his wallet and it’s really weighing on my mind.

    #534685 Reply

    Jen

    Sorry, I pressed post before I finished the story.

    I am constantly arguing with him about this girl. The first time I snooped through his phone, I saw the kisses, jumped to the conclusion he’s cheating and woke him up to say I’m going home. Because he was so confused and genuinely didn’t understand what was going on, I accepted that sending kisses were normal to him and believed nothing was going on.

    I know trust is the foundation of every relationship but I can’t seem to trust him?? In an effort to communicate what made me uneasy, I told him I’m afraid he has a girlfriend back home and I’m the third party, and who knows if he will cheat on me when he flies back to his country once a month? He responded that “honey if you were that girl, would you be fine with sleeping with me once a month?” He also pointed out that if he had something to hide he wouldn’t have left his phone next to me and I would never have had the chance to snoop. Plus I stay there 4-5 nights a week and wouldn’t the girlfriend find it suspicious if he disappears every night around 9pm?

    I think I’m going crazy cos in my mind I just keep wondering if he’s cheating on me or lying to me. Can someone please help? I don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal or paranoid cos I got cheated on before.

    #534696 Reply

    NYCgirl

    people in other countries (esp Europe) use kissy faces as a way to say “xoxo” or, hugs and kisses, or just express a positive emotion. It’s not always flirty, although it can be depending on context.

    The amount of communication would bother me as well.. what does he talk to this girl about all day every day?

    #534699 Reply

    Jen

    NYCgirl

    I dont know cos the messages are not in English. But I know they talk EVERYDAY. And sometimes even when i’m there, he tells me “Honey i have to call my friend for ten minutes.” and then goes into his room to talk about his day and etc.

    #534700 Reply

    kaye

    As far as I’m concerned, I better be the only girl my boyfriend is sending kisses in text messages!! I would not be okay with that. Even if your boyfriend means it simply as a friendly thing, is that how this girl is taking it or does she think it means more?

    I don’t understand how Whatsapp works but can you actually tell when he’s online that he’s talking to her? Or can you just see he’s online? If so couldn’t he be reading other people’s stories and stuff, does it necessarily mean he’s talking to her?

    If this is actually a childhood friend then I would still be concerned if they were talking to each other every single day. That seems a little excessive to me. But I can guarantee you one thing, if you are constantly arguing over this girl and snooping through his phone then eventually he’s going to get tired of reassuring you and you not trusting him. So unless you two can come to a compromise on how to deal with this issue, this relationship isn’t going to last.

    #534701 Reply

    Jen

    Kaye
    I recently realized he removed the kisses from her name. I’m not sure why? Maybe he knows i’m jealous or maybe he wants to hide the fact that he’s still messaging her so by removing the kisses I would think it’s someone else? He thinks it’s perfectly normal and even asked me, don’t you send kisses to others?

    How Whatsapp works is if he’s online, he’s definitely talking to someone. I already promised him i wouldn’t snoop again, and the last time I argued with him about her was weeks ago cos I don’t want to bring that up again.. But it doesn’t change the fact that it’s making me very uneasy inside and I have to hide it. :(

    #534702 Reply

    Hannah

    So is she from his home country?

    Kisses at the end of a message mean nothing. But spending all his time in contact with her and having her photo in his wallet most definitely do in my mind.

    #534706 Reply

    Jen

    Hannah

    Yeah she’s from his home country.

    #534707 Reply

    Jen

    *Sorry, sent it too quickly again!

    Hannah

    I know, and those things bother me too but I don’t know what to do?? I can’t confront him about the picture in the wallet cos I wasn’t supposed to see it obviously.

    #534709 Reply

    Hannah

    So she could be his girlfriend in his home country, or is she in the same place you are?

    How long have you been together?

    #534711 Reply

    Jen

    Hannah
    She’s in his home country now, and he flies back one weekend every month to see friends and family. The both of us are currently in london, and we’ve been dating for about six months? That’s why I told him i felt uneasy? Cos if he goes back once a month it’s so easy for him to cheat.

    Oh, I left out another fact. When I was confronting him about this girl, I said “She is most definitely your ex. She can’t just be a friend.” and he exasperatedly said “Ok fine we were briefly in a relationship but that was many many years ago, and she is not the girl I was with just before you, that I was together with for five years.” I just don’t know if i can trust what he says??? First he said they were just friends, and upon more prompting he admitted they were briefly in a relationship. What if she was the ex of 5 years but he just didn’t want to admit?

    #534717 Reply

    Raven

    How come you don’t visit his home country with him?

    #534721 Reply

    Hannah

    I would have doubts too. His argument was she wouldn’t hang around for him if he could onl;y see her once a month. But look at this website. A lot of women will hang around for that kind of minimal contact.

    If he was a very bad man, he could be telling her he’s going to relocate home at some point or she culd join him in the future, while telling you something else. I don’t want to make you paranoid, but I wouldn’t accept this either.

    #534733 Reply

    Jen

    Raven
    I told him I want to go with him in future, and he said ok. But we didn’t make any concrete plans yet!

    Hannah
    Sigh… what would you do if you were me? Is breaking up the only way?

    #534734 Reply

    Raven

    How Long have you two berm together?
    Did I miss that…

    #534736 Reply

    Jen

    Raven
    We met online last December, but we didn’t really have a defining the relationship talk? He only started referring to himself as my boyfriend in February, after I accidentally let slip to my friend on the phone that I was at my boyfriend’s.

    When it happened, I apologized for calling him that without consulting first, but he said he was fine with it and the next day he asked me “Does your family know you have a boyfriend?” so i guess he’s really ok with it?

    #534737 Reply

    Raven

    I would be annoyed by his behavior …

    I’d also help him plan a trip that will include you … That will tell you what you need to know…

    #534739 Reply

    Lena

    You need to define your relationship with him, first of all.

    Second, I am concerned about that photo of her in his wallet. What you can do is, one day, take out a photo ID from your wallet, say something like “it’s going to be expire soon” or whatever, then comment on how you look in that photo, ask him to take out his. Hopefully, it is in his wallet and you’re within range to see the content of his wallet. Bingo, if that photo is in there, you can ask him. Oh who is that girl?

    #534742 Reply

    Jen

    Raven
    I think i will do that! Thank you! But in the meantime, do I not do anything else?

    Lena
    Two weeks ago I told him I’m thinking of taking a break and he was very sad, saying we are a very good couple… so i think that’s as far as defining the relationship goes? Regarding the wallet, I did ask to see his drivers license once but he just took out the card and showed me. The photo isn’t in plain view, but in some pocket, hidden behind another card. :/

    #534744 Reply

    Raven

    Maybe the photo is old & it’s just there…
    Get my drift?

    I’ve got crap like that in my wallet…

    #534749 Reply

    Grace12

    He talks to her EVERY DAY? Wow. That’s commitment. He’s committed to that relationship. Doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or not, he places a high value on her. I would feel uneasy as well. Ask him why he needs to talk to her everyday and listen closely to what he has to say.

    #534760 Reply

    Lena

    I completely agree with Grace12. Ask him why without being accusing.

    #534765 Reply

    Van

    I think he does see her when he goes home once a month. I also think they have a friendship, which goes beyond monogamy. Am I 100% positive? No, but I’m 100% suspicious.

    #534797 Reply

    Jen

    Raven
    I’d like to think that too.. Hopefully this is the case.

    Grace12 & Lena
    When I told him I wanted to break up, he asked why and I told him many things he does make me feel very suspicious. Like him talking to that girl and sending her kisses, and him going back once a month… To which, his response was “She’s just a very close girl friend.” What else can I say to that?? :/

    I’m not sure if it’s cos he knows i’m uncomfortable but nowadays when I’m there, he turns off his phone and he only texts her when he’s not with me.

    Van
    In this case, what would you do if you were me?? I’m really stuck. Everything else in the relationship is fine. I can’t bring myself to end things when I have no solid proof and yet every day is agony for me.

    #534849 Reply

    Grace12

    I would not stay in a relationship where every day was agony for me. If he’s talking to her every day he needs her. The only thing that matters here is that you’re unhappy with how he behaves with this other woman. If he won’t stop out of respect for you then break up with him. Don’t ASK him if he wants to break up. Who cares what he wants? Break up because you want something better. He will either chase after you or he’ll keep on talking to his girl friend every day. Stop being so concerned about his feelings and what he needs. Take care of yourself.

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