My boyfriend is miserable.


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This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Ug 5 days, 16 hours ago.

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  • #731276 Reply

    Annie

    my boyfriend and I are both unhappy. we love and care about each other but I can tell he is bored. The romance is dead. I have tried to revive it but I feel as if he has no desire to. he is addicted to porn, which took me a long time to accept.. but I’m ok with it now.. the problem is we hardly ever have sex compared to how much we used to It sucks because I have a very high libido and he could care less. He told me I was trying too hard when I would try to give him affection, so I listened to him and stopped trying. It took him 3 days to even remotely show me any affection.. and it was only to get laid. I am very unhappy. I love him but we argue all the time… He insists that everything is fine and that we don’t argue.. and that he loves me and doesn’t want anyone else.. but when we argue, he tends to say things he doesn’t mean to get under my skin and he likes to say well why don’t we just break up? but when I ask him if that’s what he really wants, of course, he says no… I am at my wit’s end. I feel unwanted. I am a very affectionate person and it’s hard to be with someone who isn’t.. I am just so confused because he used to be the same way as me.. I wonder if he was just acting that way because he thought It was what I wanted and now he is not concerned with my wants or needs.. or if maybe we spend too much time together… but that’s also a grey area because we both have trust issues and don’t want to be apart from each other for very long… I don’t know what to do. i guess I don’t have to do anything.. just wait and see what happens.. I am just getting tired of being treated a certain way.. I don’t feel like his girlfriend or even his friend for that matter.. I kept hoping the sexier and sweeter I tried to be, the more he would want to be around me.. but it just got on his nerves so I stopped completely.. but this isn’t me. I like to express how I feel . I like to be surrounded with love and affection.. so I assumed he did as well. I’m not sure what he wants out of our relationship.. when I try to talk to him.. he gets upset and tells me I am being whiney or playing games with him.. but I’m just telling him how I feel, trying to save what’s left of our relationship. The worst part about it is, he can treat me however he wants and I will put up with it.. and he knows it. So he gets away with being a complete douchebag and a brat and I’m left feeling stupid and hurt feelings and he just thinks I’m being overly emotional. I just don’t understand why someone would want to be angry or mean towards other people.. especially their significant other. Anyway, I didn’t know where to turn to anymore.. Maybe you guys could provide some insight for me. Is there a way I could fix this relationship? I know it takes 2 people, but there has got to be a way I can change my behavior so that he will respond differently… help!

    #731279 Reply

    Raven

    Yes…
    Change Your behavior by stopping the madness.

    Move out & move forward from this toxic situation.

    #731281 Reply

    Lisa

    Geez this sounds exhausting. Some relationships just run their course and aren’t meant to continue or go any further. Break things off and figure yourself out. Heal yourself, love yourself and then you’ll attract others.

    #731284 Reply

    Khadija

    Some relationship are meant to go the distance.

    If you are both miserable its time to move on.

    You’re happiness and well being should be a priority.

    He’s no longer interested in making things work so walk away with your head held high.

    #731297 Reply

    Emma

    Oh Gosh another example of a woman in denial, trying to fit a square peg into a round hope

    No you can’t change your behaviour to make him treat you properly.

    If he is a porn addict, you’d always be miserable. This is something a lot of young couples face and the true consequences of this are yet to be evaluated. So many romanes, budding love, relationships, trust are ruined by this addiction

    You should bolt out like a rocket. Stop feeling miserable. You’d end up with a lot of issues because of this, and you would STILL break up in the end. Why wait until this happens.

    But I know your are going to stick around playing mother Teresa. Well, I hope you are young and have enough time to waste and let it be a lesson for you in the future.

    #731301 Reply

    Anne ohio

    Ease.. a porn addict is a losing bet. What a waste of your life. Quit with the pity party and realize he’s a crappy boyfriend for any woman.

    I understand you are sad. I know it hurts. But he will never be worth a crap as a partner. He is hurting you. Be tough and realize there is no potential here. Sorry. Quit hoping.

    #731490 Reply

    Maggie

    You can’t make someone love you, honey.

    It’s a hard lesson to learn. I’m sorry.

    #731495 Reply

    Nathalie

    I think he fell out of love. The relationship is over especially if you have tried your best to revive things and he is just not interested. He suggested a break up but he doesn’t want to be the one that walks out. Inside he wants you to be the one to leave.

    You tried your best dear, time to make a change and move on to something else. One thing i know once you go, he will miss you (because he is use to have you around) and probably will try to step up and be into you and ask you to come back. This always happens. But you’ll see how things go back to the cold stale way. You are missing out on a person out there who can warm your world and make you feel love like you should.

    Break it off. Nothing wrong with this. Give yourself a chance to exist again.

    #731637 Reply

    Bbs

    Maybe you need to talk to get to the bottom of it love conquers all don’t give up talk and support each other. Every one goes through bad times and if you both love each other act like it stop being enemy’s talk love do the best support you know he’s got your back

    #731638 Reply

    Bbs

    Pls don’t turn ur back on him he’s struggling and needs you

    #731650 Reply

    Emma

    Bbs what nonsense are you talking about? what “back” is he having for her? he is a porn addict who has no resources in him left for anything, the OP is wasting her time, while also acquiring issues and insecurities.

    Not all man are porn addicts, some have smarts not to fall into this ruin. If she is young she can find a normal man who would give her love and attention. If she sticks around she’d be dealing with the leftovers of porn. Hoping and hoping. This type of hoping ends up in resentment, hence baggage, distrust, etc.

    “Love conquers”. There is no love honey. Porn addicts have no emotions left in them to love. Their life force, their energy, all they have is used on porn. If you jerk off several times a day there will be nothing left in you, especially for a man. A person who is addicted to this type of thing cannot feel much of anything for any considerable period of time, they can get excited temporarily but the excitement does not last long.

    And love does not conquer all. If you are dealing with a jerk, a person with low character, you can love them all you want, but you’d be miserable with them. Unhappy, poorly treated.

    It is not a “war” honey. It is self defense, self protection for WOMEN. To be able to grow some thicker skin and do what is best for you. Most women know they need to leave, they don’t stay because they want to try love conquering and because they believe he would change, they stay because they are too weak to leave. Diving in denial and looking for excuses not to do the hard part, i.e. cutting off the ties.

    The OP said it took her a long time to get used to his porn addiction. And what is the result? did it help? No, it didn’t. The result is that he is still a porn addict, only she is unhappy in the relationship and feels unloved and undesired. Then why was she getting used to it in the first place? She should have left sooner. Would you stick around a heroin addict? Porn is no better in terms of the effect it has on people’s life if it becomes an addiction

    Some basic wilderness survival skills must be acquired if you want to build a normal happy life. Stay away from certain well known dangerous places (in our cases addictions), learn how to run recognize approaching danger and away from it, don’t leave food out while camping, don’t go to the same place where you saw a bear the day before, etc. Those are the same type of skills only on emotional level. If our parents did not teach us those skills properly then we need to learn them on our own. And then actually do something about it. Not sitting there and “hoping” for a miracle.

    He might need you, but what do YOU need? You need to put yourself first, you can’t be servicing and “rescuing” every dude you are temporarily with.

    #731654 Reply

    Stephen

    “Porn addiction”? Hmmmm I wonder. What is porn addiction to a woman is nothing of the sort to men. ALL men look at pornography more than women suppose. Gay men look at pornography,and yes even I look at pornography.
    I think this pornography thing is just yet another thing that women have taken up to taunt men with.* I think the real reasons for his alleged disinterest in the OP are (1) he was playing up the affection thing because he thought he could maintain long-term and he has found out that he can’t.(2)he has lost interest in sex with the OP because he can’t really see himself marrying her. The OP should not take this last reason personally.

    * Remember my theory that the sexes are largely antagonistic towards each other with women being more antagonistic towards men than vice-versa. I saw at Woman savers how much bad female behaviour was ignored,and poo-pooed if anyone mentioned it and yet the slightest hint of poor male behaviour was pounced upon with gusto and glee.

    #731693 Reply

    Ug

    Stephen
    How do you beleive you say anything of any relevance? You spew crap. You are trannie or gay or whatever. You hate women. You don’t even date women. And you post archaic and mysoginist posts that make no sense and show what a perverted weirdo you are. I usually try to ignore you but felt compelled to post. I know you keep your drivel up because this appears to be your miserable life. Aren’t there trannie forums where you can give advice to like people instead of pretending you know anything on here?

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