My BF exchanged text with his ex


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This topic contains 32 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 26 through 33 (of 33 total)
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  • #765893 Reply

    Karen

    You need to ask him his stance on dealing with exes. Pandora’s bos is wide open at this point. If he claims he doesn’t stay in touch then you know he is lying. That said, you can tell him you saw the message. Because at this point he’s broke his trust with you so probably no going back anyway.

    I’m not saying he needs your permission to contact an ex about a platonic work question.

    I suspect your gut was telling you something may be off. No one snoops on a mans phone or email if they feel the relationship is working.

    I was with a guy for two years and found out at the end he was cheating. Actually a woman facebooked me and told me. When that happened I felt no shame going into his iPad and viewing all emails and messages. And I told him I did it. It that because I had my proof and had no intention of staying with him.

    #765906 Reply

    Ellen

    Hi Karen, I am sorry that happened to you, must have been awful and honestly it’s my worst nightmare right now.

    I certainly will address this with him. I am actually going to open up the conversations eventually around the boundaries with exes as a fair discussion.

    I know it’s wrong and I feel guilty of snooping. It is definitely not the right thing to do and I made a promise with myself to never do that again. I think my honest mistake was warranted by having some internal questions about the relationship and his slight change in behavior. Can’t exactly pin point what it was but smth just feels off. God knows whether my insecurities have taken over or whether it is my female instincts.

    During the convo, I am gonna let him know my boundaries. And from there on it is a matter of God, universe, higher power or whatever you want to call it, showing me clear signs and indications through his actions iif he is not being truthful.

    #765908 Reply

    Karen

    If your gut feels off, it’s not always just being paranoid. I ignored signs with that guy who cheated on me. It took a blatant Facebook message to hit me in the head. Keep eyes wide open. Women tend to have good instincts.

    #765913 Reply

    Lane

    Sorry Ellen, I thought he might have mentioned or said something earlier that day as again, I you picked that particular night to look, the same day the ex work text was sent, and you needed to see what they were texting.

    I never snooped on a BF’s phone before, not even my husbands. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t read some of the texts or pop ups one gets when the phone is idle as its laying right next you but I never saw anything that would would make my hair rise, so I never felt compelled to snoop through it.

    If something feels off it could be something or nothing. The best way to approach it is to be open and honest with him. I wouldn’t bring up the ex or that you snooped but in general, such as “I noticed you’re a little aloof lately, is it work, or is something else bothering you?” in a calm and unemotional tone, and let him answer it. If nothings wrong, then accept nothings wrong because men aren’t like woman and will usually take that opening to tell you if there is.

    Does he have a lot of stress at work? If so, it could be that, as I know I get that way myself, where my BF has felt like you do and asked if anything’s wrong where its 100% work related and has nothing to do with him. If that’s his answer, I would accept it and see if improves when pressure from work dies down, and start learning how he reacts to certain pressures or problems before automatically assuming its with you.

    #765917 Reply

    Ellen

    Hi Lane, thanks for the insight!

    He has actually been pretty stressed and swamped lately with work, but this is also not the first time he has done through this. And in the past he usually would try pretty hard not Tibet it effect the way he is in the present moment with me. You don’t think it’s concerning that he opened communication lines with an ex? Isn’t that how usually things start off before it gets worse?

    #765931 Reply

    Honeypie

    Ellen, what exactly did the texts say? What was his opening text?

    #765932 Reply

    Shoshannah

    I really think that unless you have other reasons to be concerned and unless he was saying something as ‘I miss you’, ‘I still love you’, ‘Let’s meet’, simply texting an ex doesn’t mean anything. He’s been your man for a year, talk to him! A good boyfriend would hate to see you anxious like that, so hopefully he will make sure that your worries go away.

    #765933 Reply

    tammy

    I seriously don’t see whats such a big deal in sending an innocuous work text to an ex? your acting so wound up and paranoid. maybe bec you are sensing that something is off? any other signs that give you reason to doubt?

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