Money and hurt


This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #769745 Reply

    Starstruck

    I am in a long-distance relationship and we are having a lot of problems… When we are together we seem to talk things out and be able to solve whatever is bothering us. But when we are not together he decides to ghost me and be so cold to me and when he’s ready to love me again he will act like nothing ever happened. He is from another country playing baseball in the United States, I love this man that we agreed to get married before he has to leave out of the country. I have been taking care of him financially for the last four months of our relationship and recently he is in a situation where he asked me for $3000 and that is something I could not afford to do. He thinks I am made out of money and I keep giving in to him. I did not lend him $3000 but now I feel like our relationship is strained now because of this. He has a job but not a place to live and he was depending on me to put in the deposit and first months rent… I could not afford that. Also, I feel like I don’t need to give it to him because he’s treating so badly. I have never felt like this about anyone in my life even in my 5-year relationship I got out of I never felt like this, I’m so in love with this man that I am willing to do anything for this man… But I’m being hurt so bad at the same time… I don’t know how to just walk away. Please, someone give me some advice.

    #769747 Reply

    Khadija

    You really need to rethink this relationship.
    This man is basically treating you like an ATM.

    I can only guess he is loving and sweet when he is in need of cash.

    You are not obligated to help him and if he can’t understand that too bad for him.

    Stop giving him money from here on out.

    #769748 Reply

    Kamille

    Go download the paperwork for filing for bankruptcy. Google how to live on the streets when you’re homeless. Talk with someone who’s made bad financial decisions, has no savings and is going to be forced to work until they die because they can’t afford to retire.

    That’s where you’re heading if you keep handing this man money and go through with marrying him.

    You’ll have to agree to support him if you marry him. If you marry him so he can stay in the country and the Immigration Services decides it’s a sham marriage, you can wind up jail too.

    You seem to know being with this guy isn’t good for you. You’re correct. But we can’t protect you from yourself. You keep writing him checks and stay with him for reasons only known to yourself. I hope you will decide you like yourself better than accepting a leech in your life and tell him you’re done.

    #769749 Reply

    Kamille

    Sorry, hit submit before I was done. To your question about how to tell him, you say that you’re not in a financial position to continue in this relationship and there is not going to be a wedding either as you have decided you are done and you wish him the best of luck with his baseball career. (Not sure how someone is in the US to play baseball and that broke and can’t figure out how to get a roof over his head or can’t get someone from the team to help him with that.) Then you block him and you get support here and wherever else you need to go to stick to the decision. Then you get counseling to learn to love yourself so you don’t get involved with men like this again.

    #769751 Reply

    Startstruck

    He got released from a minor league team and he had to play independent baseball (which doesn’t pay at all). I keep holding to all the promises he made me and I’m addicted to the way he makes me feel when things are good. I just don’t understand how when we are physically together we are able to talk things and express how we feel about certain situations but when we aren’t together he acts so different and is not willing to talk about anything and doesn’t even want to bring up the situation. I don’t know what to do? There are times where I want to drive 7 hours to go see him and shake him and ask do you even miss me? Do you even know how badly yure hurting me?

    #769752 Reply

    Startstruck

    He is sweet and loving 90% of the time when things are going smoothly in his life and when we are having issues is when he acts differently. He takes it out on me sometimes. But he’s not only sweet to me when he needs money. I feel like he’s going to leave me but he hasn’t even said it to me but he acts like it so I get very confused.

    #769753 Reply

    Kamille

    YOU ARE BEING USED. That’s why he’s sweet to you at times – because he needs money and you give it to him. No, he doesn’t know and doesn’t care he’s hurting you. He only wants what he wants.

    How is he able to stay in the country to play “independent baseball” for free? What visa does this guy have? It should have been tied to the team that got it for him. And he’s been released from the minor league team… that’s pretty much the end of his baseball career unless he gets a very lucky break elsewhere.

    What country is this guy from? And why are you LD right now?? How did you meet him? How old are you two?

    Your “addiction” is going to cost you everything you have if you don’t wake up fast. Get on the phone and find a counselor to help you IRL. Posting here isn’t going to be enough to get you out of this, that’s for sure.

    #769755 Reply

    Raven

    If he can play Baseball for free, he can work @ McDonalds…

    #769756 Reply

    Sensy

    Good advice here …you do need to love yourself. When you love yourself, you won’t allow men like him in your life.

    #769758 Reply

    Better off single

    Yeah, you should let him go and quit expecting him to change.

    #769773 Reply

    Cut and RUN

    Let me ask you this, WHY do you love him because the way its coming off, all you are is an enabler.

    #769775 Reply

    fishin’

    Maybe you can get him into jewelry trading and help him get goods into rhe country with the money you’re giving him.

    #769785 Reply

    tammy

    I don’t know about his situation. but in any relationship when one partner has to support the other financially, things do get strained and problems pop up. he is not even your husband! I would never agree to support my bf financially. if he lost his job or something I might pitch in for a bit but this seems as if he is using you for money. maybe I am a little old fashioned that way but I don’t want to have a kept man.

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