This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by kaye 7 months, 2 weeks ago.
October 10, 2019 at 2:09 am #775302
So my mom died 3 weeks ago from cancer. She battled for 2 years, health declined really quickly in the month of august and she died last month in Sept. I’ve been absolutely devastated. Every day is so hard. I break down crying at least once a day, it’s hard to concentrate at work and nothing feels the same anymore. I can’t go the whole day without thinking about my mom. I regret not spending a lot of time with her this past year. I feel so guilty and sad. I have an amazing support system, I have my family, friends, and boyfriend who are all there for me. Even my co-workers and boss have been so emphathetic and understanding. However, no matter what I do, no matter who’s there for me, it doesn’t take away the deep sadness and depression I feel. This is the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I’m 23, she was 54. Because it’s so painful I often think of killing myself. This is so hard to get through and I really don’t want to live the rest of my life without my mother. Though I am dealing with suicidal thoughts, I most likely won’t do anything because I have my family and boyfriend to live for. But I have reached the point where if something were to happen to me I wouldn’t care. Every day I just feel so hopeless and numb. I don’t know what to do. I’ve expressed some of my thoughts to my sister, boyfriend, and best friend they’ve all told me that I have a huge purpose to fulfill and they’d be so sad if I was gone. But I just wish the pain would all end from this loss.
can someone please help me :(
I’m posting on here because I’ve really hit rock bottom and yeahOctober 10, 2019 at 3:32 am #775303
I have almost cried when I am reading this. This must be hard especially when your mum was still so young. I have nothing to say but I do wish you all well. Sometimes it helps when we live day by day, one step at a time. Cry as much as you like , but do try to take care of yourself, I know this is really hard but I can see the strength in you!
Wish you all well xOctober 10, 2019 at 3:53 am #775304
And please remember, you are always loved by your mum.October 10, 2019 at 5:54 am #775306
I am her age and I wouldn’t want my two son’t to feel sad but to celebrate the time we did have together.
I’ve lost both of my parents but I kept the fond memories of them in the forefront of my mind, and it helped me to heal faster. Yes, there’s will always be a void but through time it will get easier as you get used to them no longer being here. Again, remember the good times, laugh at the funny moments, and be lucky that you had them in your life. They will always be here in thought, even though they aren’t here in body.
I suggest venting through writing. Buy a journal and every day write down a fond memory you shared together, keep it positive, laugh and smile, as you write it and you will slowly start feeling better. A grief counselor may also help you navigate it too. Again, so sorry for your loss.October 10, 2019 at 7:27 am #775314
Hi Hannah, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I also lost my mom to cancer – I was 26 and she was 61. It’s absolutely terrible, and there’s nothing wrong with the grief you are feeling. I promise it gets easier with time. You’ll never stop missing her, but in time, you can go a whole day without crying, then a week. The pain lessens, and the overwhelming grief becomes much more bearable. Personally, I feel the best way to honor the memory of a loved one is to cultivate the qualities you admired most about her in yourself. For instance, if she was kind and generous, be more kind and generous. If she stood up for what she believed in, then you do the same. And like Lane said, try to remember the good times more than the bad (I know, it’s SO hard to stop focusing on those last months when she was sick). But try your best. It’s much better to smile at happy memories and be grateful for the wonderful experiences you had with her. It takes time, but trust me, it gets better.October 10, 2019 at 8:13 am #775315
I lost my mom to cancer and my dad at the same time my 20 year relationship was ending. I can not tell you how many times I have wanted to kill myself. Know you are not alone. In the loss and the feeling of not being attached to living. Like you, I feel like I would never actually do it because I know I have some reason to go on. That said, I read somewhere that when we feel an urge to not live anymore, it’s often a signal that we need some change.
You will hear a lot of well meaning stuff like “remember the good times” and “you have a lot to live for”, and yeah, you hear it and it isn’t helpful, but it is people’s way of caring.
After my losses, one of the most helpful things I did was volunteer and help others- it is a good way to get moving without feeling like you are “having fun when you should be mourning”.
For me, the pain comes and goes. It is most acute around holidays for me. Try not to be alone during those times. Truly, have a plan to be occupied.
Also, please do speak to a counselor. They are great listeners.October 10, 2019 at 11:19 am #775324
In a couple of weeks it will be a year since my mom died of cancer. She too battled cancer for 2 years and had a rapid decline in her last month of life. Like you I cried every day for a couple months. Usually at night or in the shower because I didn’t want to keep putting that burden on my husband. Not a day goes by I don’t think of her. My aunt and husband threw we a huge birthday party this weekend and although I had fun this is my first birthday she hasn’t been here. A friend of mine made me the same birthday cake my mom always made me (it is very specific) and it had to be one of the sweetest things anyone has every done for me! Not only did she remember all the details but she made it from scratch and it was amazing!
I read something after my mom passed which has stuck with me. “The death of a parent is a lasting blow because no one will ever love you like that again.” And it’s true. My husband lost his father about 12 years ago. He was in an accident and in his early 50s. He never had a chance to say goodbye and he didn’t see it coming. At least with my mom I knew it was coming I just wasn’t certain when. Even then I do regret the time I didn’t spend with her, but there were things we got to do knowing it would be our last time together doing it and I will always cherish those times.
I promise you it will get easier. But if you are having suicidal thoughts and depression then I think you need to see someone for that. My co-worker lost her mom to cancer and she had to take pills for anxiety and depression. My husband also was on medication for that after his dad died for about a year. I’ve chosen not to take anything because I don’t want to be numb. I do want to feel it. It’s a part of who I am now and yes it will impact me for the rest of my life. But I have never considered killing myself or giving up on life because of her death.
I know my husband, my children and my family and friends would be devastated. Then they would be experiencing the pain you are feeling right now. Please think about that. Would you wish this pain you are feeling on your boyfriend? Your family? Your friends? Because that is what you would be doing. You might feel like you would be ending your pain but you would be causing pain to so many others.
I try to do things to continue my mom’s legacy. For instance, I’ve been planting certain flowers and plants in my yard she loved. She always had the green thumb and I didn’t but I’m working on that. And I look at Prince William and Harry and see the things they do to remember Princess Diana in certain ways and think about how much younger they were when they lost their mom. You have so much to live for. Please seek professional help for your thoughts.