Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Matched on tinder, had a first date that went really well, canceled second date
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 4 years, 2 months ago by
Alice.
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Sam
Matched with this guy on Tinder while I was away for work and he drove like 45 minutes to where I lived for our first date (good sign). Date went really well, made out a bit. We texted throughout the week and made plans for our second date. Had plans for Saturday night and I was to drive up to him, but he canceled the night before. He was apologetic and said he was sick and asked if it was fine if we rescheduled when he was feeling better and I said yeah of course.
But that was a little over a week ago. I asked him how he was doing on Wednesday, he mentioned before about having a medical issue and I think his sickness has to do with that so everything might be getting more complicated on his end. And he said he was stressed out over it. I had also said to him I hope that he feels better soon so I could kick is butt at bowling and he said he’d like that.
I don’t know what to do! I haven’t heard from him since Thursday, and I’m going to give it another day or two before I give up and just assume that he’s ghosting me.
Or am I over reacting? Should I be giving him more time especially if it’s getting medically complicated? Is he still interested and actually does want to go out with me again? Just really confused and need other opinions.
alia
He is letting you down nicely. Do not reach out to him anymore.
Khadija
You only had one date with this guy and you’re too invested.
Perhaps he is really sick. In any case the ball is in ihs court to actually reschedule.
In the mean time keep meeting people and going on dates.Too often do I see women have one good date and then they hang onto the guy hoping and wishing for another date.
You could be missing out on a great guy for you, waiting around for this guy to call you back, which may never happen.
Take a first date with a grain of salt because anything can happen afterwards. A guy could meet someone else he really likes, an ex can win him back, or he simply wasn’t feeling it enough to go out with you again.
Either way don’t let this get you down and stop spending your time wondering about whatever medical issue he may or may not have. You have better things to do!
Tallspicy
What should you do? You should not care and do nothing. You have a life, go live it.
Tallspicy
He is not ghosting you if you do not hear from him. It is not ghosting if you had one date.
Newbie
You really dont know this guy. You probably dont even know for sure he is single but you are already assuming things about his medical condition. The others are right, pull back and dont overinvest so soon
Sam
So for more context, he planned and set up the entire date, day of the week, time, what we were doing and where we were going. As far as his medical history I don’t think I’m speculating cause he mentioned it before we meet and on our first date. And when I asked him how he was doing he said that he might have to have surgery for it, that’s how his medical situation would get more complicated.
Honeypie
And what do you think of the rest of the advice given Sam? I went on an amazing date a couple of weeks back. He traveled to my area, some three hours away from him, great night and he was texting before he even got back to his hotel what an amazing time he’d had and planning the next. That’s how it stayed for about 10 days and then he faded totally- no reason known. He was polite Enough to say the day before the next arrangement that he wouldn’t make it. I thanked him for letting me know. The end. No further contact.
You do seem very invested here. Him planning the’entire’ date means not a lot. Now he may or may not continue with you, but I’m curious about what you’ve picked up on in the advice given as it seems you want to convince us he was serious as he put in such effort. What do you think about this affecting you too much at this stage? That you should be thinking that was a nice first date- if another happens fine, if not equally fine?anon
Tinder dates are 100% unreliable. Period.
He may be sick and will reschedule. He may have decided not to date right now. He may have met someone else.I will say that guys from Tinder often re-emerge a few weeks or months down the road if you were a good date. A lot are on there for hook ups and will put good women on hold if easier sex comes along. A lot are married. A lot don’t know what they want. A lot are avoidant.
You can not over think the actions of a Tinder date or you will go nuts. It’s just not worth it, keep dating others and if he pops up again, go from there. You can justify it all you want with how much effort he put on a second date planning, but fact is if he was already smitten with you, he’d stay in touch. Go date other men and do not wait on this guy.
Persephone
As someone with chronic medical conditions, sometimes your health just has to take priority. Bringing a new person into that world takes a lot of thought and the stakes feel higher, so I maybe didn’t get as attached and cancelled a lot more when I was having flares. I definitely didn’t want to start something new when things were chaotic, as it is hard enough in an established relationship.
I know that as women we want to be there for the person and really don’t mind making adjustments and accommodations- just as long as he keeps calling. The truth, though, is that it takes a lot of connection and shared experience for that to really take off in a new relationship. Sickness is not sexy- especially to the person experiencing it.
He probably did have a lovely time. And maybe he will call you when his health improves. But as other commenters have said, you have to get going with your own life and continue to date. He’ll either call or he won’t.
Alice
He didn’t ghost you, he’s just not invested. Those are two different thing. Ghosting is when you call or text and they NEVER respond. He sounds like a good guy and would respond if you reached out. But he’s not investing so I’d date other people. I never put my eggs in one basket until the guy says he wants me to be his. You keep dating girl until he locks you down! All is fair in love and war ;)
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