Make more effort with MIL?

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anne Ohio 1 year ago.

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  • #750809 Reply


    Basically I am engaged to a mama’s boy. He does everything for her and his mother is needy. My partner wants me to make more effort. He keeps telling me to bring flowers, say thanks, text her… and I cannot stand it. We now live abroad temporarily and says you need to text or call or her more often (I already speak to her once per week). I have good relationship with all my family and relatives, but I don’t understand why I would need to contact my mother in law more often than any of my own family members? He does not seem to understand this and says; do it for me. It feels fake and I have nothing to talk about as we share different values. It drives me nuts-what should I do about the situation?

    #750812 Reply


    Find a new fiancé. If you can’t solve this problem how are you going to deal with issues that are real big deals? Talk to him and negotiate somewhere in between once a week and once a day. Marriage is about compromise. Better figure this out now.

    #750814 Reply


    Why the resistance?

    #750818 Reply

    Living My Best Life

    I’m sorry to say,you really need to communicate better with your fiance.Everyone says that “trust” is number 1,without trust you have nothing..Well,I disagree.Communication is number 1, because you need to communicate to build or earn trust!You stop talking,you start shutting down…its the beginning of the end!

    Keep trying to talk to him to find out why you have to be all buddy buddy with his mother.Talking every now and then is ok,texting ok,but sending her FLOWERS,are you high??Why the huge need to kiss her ass?Did she do something huge for you guys,save you guys somehow??Pay for a down payment on a home,give you guys a large sum of cash,a car maybe?Pay off your debts?Did she save your life somehow?Is this his way of thanking her,maybe?I’m trying to find a possible scenario,a reason as to why he wants and expects you to kiss her ass.If there is no reason…then no!A simple “How are you,I just wanted to say hi!” text every few times a month is MORE than enough for an in law!!

    #750820 Reply


    We are communicating. I have communicated all my fears regarding us moving closer to his parents (we are already 20mins away only) because I just don’t feel comfortable with it. I would never spend money on a house in a location I’m not happy with. He’s telling it is because they’re getting older. The reason for messaging / calling the mother more often is just to make friends, and because as he is rightly saying, she is a lot needier than my mum. To my fiancé this is clearly important, whereas I tell him this will come naturally don’t force it. I have mentioned couples counseling, I fear this will not end up well unless we bring in someone neutral in this. Sigh, I feel so suffocated.

    #750838 Reply

    Better off single

    I became great friends with my ex mother in law. I liked her more than my ex. Probably why I stayed in the relationship too long.

    My guess is he wants you to have a similar kind of bond he has with her. It would make him happier. You want him to be happy don’t you and put the arguing about it to rest? You’re marrying the guy you might as well start getting comfortable. Just because you are different doesn’t mean there are no common interests. Buy a deck of cards or a game she likes to play. Find out what she likes to do and go out and do it with her. Listen to her talk you don’t have to say anything. Ask lots of questions. Things are more interesting when you do something together. Like shopping. All women like that kinda stuff don’t they? Take her to lunch at her favorite restaurant. I’m sure you can find out what she likes to do from your fiance.

    #750842 Reply


    You’re not going to change a Mama’s Boy.

    If your values are different than your Fiancé, your marriage is doomed…

    #750847 Reply

    Anne Ohio

    Get out now before he has her moving in with you.

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