Low sex drive – help!! (20F)


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    Alice

    I’ve been sexually active for about 2 years now and have sometimes found sex enjoyable but not always, I’ve never been mindblown by penetration or foreplay. I first orgasmed from oral after meeting my boyfriend a year ago. Were were quite sexually active from the start of our relationship and had sex fairly often, and I did quite like it and looked forward to it, sometimes initiating it. However, almost a year into our relationship, I’m finding that I can never really be bothered to have sex and have lost interest quite a lot – I was always very interested in sex before losing my virginity and I watched porn, masturbated a lot and fantasised about sex often. I don’t really do any of these much any more, I don’t even fantasise about sex with my boyfriend (or anyone else) despite the fact we live apart and can only have sex every one or two weeks. We don’t really do anything like phone sex or sexting, we sometimes talk about sex and that we are looking forward to it and i send nude pictures for him but that’s about it. We don’t really have spontaneous adventurous sex or do anything like dirty talk, roleplaying etc., i hadn’t had many regular partners before him so never had this kind of sex with anyone else either. I don’t know why I am so uninterested in sex as I love my boyfriend, I find him attractive and I love every other part of our relationship like spending lots of time together etc., we are very close, I just rarely get aroused by him or anyone/anything else. I don’t think I am asexual as I’ve always previously been aroused by the thought of sex or watching porn but never really got properly aroused when having it – I put this down to nerves originally but it’s been a year with bf so it can’t be this. I find sex physically uncomfortable much of the time and do experience some pain during penetration, although I hugely enjoy oral sex being performed on me and orgasm every time. Why have I never found sex particularly pleasurable despite being attracted to my partners and why do I struggle to get aroused in the moment when I used to find the idea of sex so arousing when I didn’t have it as often?

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