Longing for an ex but have a fiancee

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 3 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #743716 Reply


    I met a man a few years back, 4 years almost. I was head over heels but I knew I like him more than he liked me. To cut the long story short, after 9 months of long distance we decided to end things because he told me he couldn’t be in a relationship with me and I made the decision not to keep in touch even though he wanted to stay friends. I believe no contact was the best way to move forward so I can move on. He hasn’t contacted me since and I haven’t contacted him since. Shortly, I met another man who is now my fiancee. But I must admit, a big part of my heart still longs for that man. Some days it’s ok, some days my heart is being crushed as if it just happened yesterday. I miss him. I miss him badly. But my fiancee is an amazing, supportive, loving, caring man, I can’t ask for more. I don’t want to contact that man despite longing for him because I don’t want to betray my fiancee. I suppose I’m just trying to express this secret that is weighing me down.

    #743717 Reply


    It sounds like you met your now fiancé before you had time to fully get over this relationship – it’s always best to take some proper time to process and move on from something like that before getting into something new, but I know you can’t always choose when you meet someone amazing. Have you considered having counselling of some sort, to try and work through some of these feelings? Have you got a set date for your wedding?

    #743718 Reply



    Thank you for not being judgemental. We haven’t decided on a date yet since I am not so keen on weddings. I never really thought of counselling, I feel stupid for not forgetting someone from ages ago. Perhaps it’s a more deep-rooted issue that has nothing to do with my ex and I’m just projecting. I will seek professional help as soon as I am able.

    #743721 Reply


    Op – I was in a similar mindset like yours about 6 months ago…

    I was set up w a man 3 years ago, we casually saw each other for 9 months and I ended things becasue it became clear he was never going to be serious w me…

    Then I met my BF on Match last year….he is every bit of a good catch but not as physically attractive as the previous man…

    I struggled a bit and realized BF is so much loving /kind to me that the previous man was never capable of, to me or probably to anyone in that sense… so I was able to forget him…

    I think in your case, LDR made it hard for you to fully know someone, so you were probably in love with your perception of him, as opposed to the real him…

    So my suggestion would be forget him and be happy w what you have got in hand now

    #743740 Reply



    You’re right, I realized I was In love with my perception of him and the fact that he was always slightly out of my reach. I suppose I have a very skewed mentality of valuing something that is difficult to “acquire”. And perhaps my partner now made everything too easy that I feel like there’s no challenge. The previous man was very successful and it gave me the drive to become someone better. A sensation that I don’t quite get with my man now since he is laid back and happy with the simple things in life. I am seriously messed up for wanting something more difficult. When we parted I told him I will never forget him and he’ll always have a special place in my heart, I cursed myself with that statement.

    #743743 Reply


    Ok I can’t stand a laid back man becasue I am anything but…..

    My two men are equally successful and driven, but the previous man has a better body…. and I finally come to terms with fact that my current BF is not as physically attractive …. he is 6 feet but too thin…. Lol

    #743745 Reply



    Tell me about it.. I have more respect for the previous guy in all aspects, for sure! He is also physically more attractive, just a fine gentleman. It’s a pity I lost him. After we parted ways, and till now, I still imagine meeting him again. Everything I did since then are things that eould make me a better person in case I run into him some time in the future. It’s really messed up how I somehow still think thay we still have a connection despite the fact that he is probably busy with his life and not thinking about me at all. But I’ve met a lot of less than pleasant men in my life, and I still appreciate how I’m being treated like a princess by my fiance.

    #743746 Reply


    The one that got away…. Why do we always long for something we can’t have or slipped away?

    #743747 Reply



    Probably pride, we can’t accept the fact that one left us. The struggle to prove ourselves worthy. Why did he throw me away in the first place, perhaps I can be better and they’ll like me more this time. Those sort of thoughts

    #743750 Reply


    I think what you shared is what many of us can identify with. even me. I met this guy 5 years bac. just met a few times since we stayed in different cities. It never really took off despite lot of chemistry. we are still in touch on and off though we haven’t met in years!! I do still think of him periodically and wish… I think if you compare you will always be left disappointed. the grass if always greener on the other side.

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