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Marie.
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Marie
Hi All,
I’m writing today not really to ask advices (but feel free to give some if you want to) but more as a reflection of a bad situation that occurred to me.
I had a fling with a co-worker.
As I thought that he didn’t like me I rejected him to finally realise that he actually liked me ( his behaviour changed after the rejection, he would get jealous of other colleagues whenever I would chat with them and would always try to put me down whenever he had a chance and he would call me to talk to me since he was having a difficult time.)
I tried to speak to to him after the rejection and even to build a friendship but he wasn’t interested.
So, fair enough, life goes on.
He invited me to a party. I asked him if I could have a +1 ( a male friend), he agreed.
I eventually cancelled because my male friend wanted to go to another party and I chose to go with him.
My coworker insisted for me to come, I declined. After that, he started to be mean again and complained about something that happened 3 months prior.
Two days after I told him about the party, someone falsely accused me and he lied to the manager to support this person and I got fired. He admitted the lie to me.
I’ve learnt my lesson and will never be involved with a coworker again.Jo
“I rejected him to finally realise that he actually liked me”.
I wouldn’t conclude that at all. He sounds like he hated being rejected, that’s all. You haven’t lost anything here.
Never date co-workers.
I would be tempted to go to an employment tribunal. What lie did they tell about you?
kaye
First you are absolutely right it is never a good idea to date a co-worker!! But it sounds like you never dated. You say you rejected him and his behavior changed. But to me you have more serious issues than a jilted jealous guy. What would prompt this other person to accuse you of something you didn’t do? He lied and supported this person but why would this other person be out to get you too? What was this accusation about?
I would definitely go to HR or your employee resource and make it clear you were falsely accused and this guy lied to back up the other co-worker. But then I would also try to determine just why all your co-workers seem to be out to get you. I’ve worked a lot of jobs in my life with a lot of different people and personalities. I’ve had to get along with people I didn’t particularly like and never had anyone make false claims about me. And if they had, I was an exceptional employee with an impeccable record of reviews, so for them to believe another person over myself would not have been likely.
Marie
Thank you for the replies.
I didn’t want to expose too much because of confidentiality but here we go:
The person who made the false claims was actually a coworker I was closed with and she knew what happened (sex) between my coworker and me.
She called him to make false accusations about me speaking aggresively to her when all I said was “hi” and “why are you so distant suddenly” (she distanced herself after I told him what happened.
He called the manager to say that there were reports by a lot of my colleagues that I was aggressive.
It turned out that it wasn’t true ( none of them knew why I got fired and was surprised. I investigated and asked to several people from different levels : direct coworkers, management) and none of them ever heard any reports about me.
Two days prior my manager paid me drinks and told me how happy he was with my work. Hence why I was totally shocked when I got the call.
Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to explain myself. My manager refused to take my calls.Marie
I want to add that I exposed my case to different lawyers who refused to take my case because it wasn’t profitable enough for them.
kaye
Quite frankly your story doesn’t make sense. I can’t imagine her making up you being aggressive to her if all you said was hi and ask why she was so distant lately. Unless this other coworker had feelings for him and you slept with him so she started getting distant and wanted you gone.
A lot of companies have policies against coworkers dating especially if there is a boss/subordinate situation involved. Does your company have a policy against dating co-workers? If so it’s possible you were fired over the relationship because they chose to keep him and not you. Not sure where you live but I live in the US in a the state which has at will employment. That means a company can fire you for any reason whatsoever without having to give “just cause.” Of course there are still issues if you are fired due to race, ethnicity, etc. but for the most part you can be fired and they don’t have to tell you why.
Marie
I live in Europe.
I can’t give much details because I don’t want to give away my identity. I don’t know who reads this forum.
But yes, I was told that I got fired because she said I spoke aggressively to her.
This is what I’ve been told. It was already difficult to obtain this information as no one wanted to speak to me.Marie
And yes people making false accusations exist.
I’m the living proof of that.
Why would she do that? Well, I don’t know. As I said we used to be closed and talk a lot about our private lives and stuff like that. Why would I speak aggressively to her.
Besides there were two other colleagues when our talk happened. She didn’t tell them that I was aggressive but she called this colleague specifically to report to him.Jo
I don’t think this makes sense either. You’re saying he told your manager that a lot of people think you’re aggressive and the manager didn’t ask him for the names of these people, talk to any of your colleagues to find out if anyone else holds this view or let you give your side of the story?
I’m from Europe too and I can’t believe this is the full story.
Marie
Again this is what my coworker told me.
But nevermind …
All I want was to share my story about how getting involved with a coworker is a bad idea.
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