LDR-Confusing

I don’t think you’re cut out for LDR’s. A very low % of the population can handle them and in order to survive you have to be super independent and OK with a lot of space, time apart, and lack of communication.

Every guy (and gal) is different, so you have to know the guy pretty well before you can know if a lack of communication is an issue or their normal behavior.

My ex husband and I spent a good time apart because of his job (in the military) where he would be deployed for months at a time and I was OK with it because I was independent enough to handle the homefront while he was gone. When he was away we talked once a week about 15 – 20 minutes (morale calls) which was perfect for us as too much talk can be overly mundane and boring when you have nothing important or interesting to say or tell each other. Because both of us were happy with this communication style it worked well for us for over 20+ years.

My current partner however is the OPPOSITE of my ex. He goes out to sea for three months (can be more) at a time and I’m perfectly OK with it as I love my space and be able to do my thing without having to check in or be with a partner constantly. He however needs to talk every single day, minimum of 2+ times a day and it took me awhile to adjust to that v. my style. Trust me, I would have been perfectly content talking once or twice a week when we’re not together. In the beginning I felt it was too suffocating and needy but then I realized it was how he was, it made him happy to do it, so I was able to slowly adapt to his style. He still initiates about 95% of the time 3.5+ years later.

Thing is, relationships in general, LDR or not, aren’t Burger King…can’t have everything your way. You have to decide what is important or unimportant to you and let the unimportant things slide if they do so many other great things that makes you happy. Because my partner does so many good things when we’re together, I let him to communicate the way he needs to communicate if it makes him happy.

My question to you is, why is contact so important to you? No amount of contact is going to make you feel more secure if you don’t feel secure in the relationship. Your issue is bigger than his amount of contact because you really haven’t developed a strong enough in-person bond to feel that level of safety and security with him yet. Just so you know the amount of in-person TIME a man gives to you is how they SHOW you how much they love you. I would be more concerned with how much he wants to be with you in person v. how much he communicates as a man who is in love with his woman will move mountains to be with her. That’s what my ex husband and current partner did and why I didn’t need to rely on communication because they both moved across a ocean (my ex) and country (my current partner) to be with me. Without any forward movement from the man to close the gap, you are going to struggle.