LDR BF broke up through email and I'm lost


Home Forums Break Up Advice LDR BF broke up through email and I'm lost

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  • #841751 Reply
    Mortisha

    My lDR bf and I have been together nearly 2 years. He first broke up with me in 2019 through email, I told him to talk to me and help me understand why is he breaking up with me. He finally called me and we got back together after a week. Since then our relationship was so close to perfect.We finally had a chance to be together again last Dec until 1st week of January for the holidays. Everyday we always talk during the day and his night time. He’s from US and I’m from the Philippines. We always make time for each other despite the 11,000 miles away distance. Our relationship was so close to perfect, we never fight, argued. We have so many plans together and i know that he loves me. I thought were okay. We even talked that night before I went to bed. Then the next morning, I got an email from him saying that he’s done and he doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore and this is something that he wants to do in life. I felt like my world has fallen apart. Hes 59 and I’m 40, how can he be so emotionally immature to leave someone hanging? I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do. He deactivated his FB, and it’s been 5 days but I haven’t received any response from him. I already sent him tons of email but no explanation at all. I don’t know what to do. Its killing me!

    #841755 Reply
    Lane

    He’s not emotionally immature, he just didn’t want to get into an endless emotional debating session with you, where you will tell him how wrong he is to think or feel the way he does, and he decided it wasn’t worth the energy to go through that break up process.

    It sounds like the writing has been on the wall for quite awhile but you refused to read it. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect relationship.’ If its *perfect* then it is not a real relationship, its a fantasy relationship. Real relationship go through peaks and valleys, ups and downs, good and bad times where it ultimately depends on how well the parties work together, as a team, to get through them, that will ultimately determine a relationships longevity.

    I believe he has been future faking it with you, for quite awhile, which is why it appeared *so perfect* to you. It sounds like he had nothing else going on his life, and you filled a void until he decided he no longer wanted what you have to offer, an LDR. People change, their priorities change, their careers change, their goals change, their needs and desires change and oftentimes the person they are with aren’t able to support them in the way they need to be supported. He could very well be craving physical closeness, maybe he met a local lady who is giving him what he needs that you are unable to offer him. That’s what I would assume since it was so abrupt, like the first time. Bet he’ll reach out again when it doesn’t work out…see the pattern here?

    #841800 Reply
    tammy

    i agree with Lane. Just one more thing. have you guys ever met in person or this entire thing was just played online?

    #841846 Reply
    Mortisha

    We’ve met 4x. Before covid he makes sure to come and see me every 4-5 months. Last December we decided to meet on a different country because our country’s border is both closed.

    #841860 Reply
    T from NY

    I am very sorry you are hurting. Breakups are just awful!! And the truth is – nothing we’re gonna say is gonna take away the pain. This is just a time when you have to SIT IN YOUR DISCOMFORT. And it’s something only you can do alone.

    I’m not gonna guess why this man stayed with you and talked about a future with you for so long. Sure there’s a possibility he was faking it – But he also could have just really wanted it to work, tried his hardest, and then realized his heart just wasn’t in it. I know he should have had the courage to tell you to your face, and we make excuses for men sometimes… but really this is about him not wanting to hurt you further. I can tell by your post you are very action oriented and probably would not have heard him out or allowed him to break it off without an argument. He was HONORABLE by letting you know. In fact, if he keeps his distance and doesn’t speak to you – that is a kindness to you and to himself – to make the break clean.

    Grieve this. Tend to you. You will be okay. We’ve all been there.

    #841873 Reply
    Mortisha

    Yeah, I’m grieving and I wish I knew what went wrong. I feel like a garbage and losing all the self esteem/confidence in me. I was very honest to him I never cheated. I knew he was always honest to me too. He’s so unfair, I wish he should just tell me face to face that he found someone or he doesn’t love me anymore. I’ve always try to understand him even it hurts. I hate myself for not wanting to hate him. I love him wholeheartedly and it really hurts! He doesn’t care about how will I feel and just leave me hanging and vanished.

    #841875 Reply
    Mortisha

    He doesn’t have any idea how vanishing can affect a woman. if he feels that were not compatible, then he shouldn’t stick my lane, selling me dreams and telling me BS stuff in vain. The worst thing a guy can do is to awaken her heart with no intentions of catching it. It hurts and I’m going crazy thinking what have I done wrong.

    #841932 Reply
    Lindy

    For God’s sake, this is a man you’ve only seen in person four times with months between visits. Nothing “went wrong.” These LDR things rarely work out.

    Stop whining and stop being such a victim. If he told you to jump off a bridge and you did it and got hurt, who created that??

    He was selling a bunch of crap… and you bought it. Over and over. Your self esteem and confidence are your responsibility. No one makes you feel bad about yourself without your permission and collusion!!!

    This guy lives on the other side of the globe from you. The likelihood this was ever going to work out were almost zero. Find someone local. Stop chasing fantasies if you want to be happy and have a good relationship with a man. It’s your life. Start acting like it. Prince Charming isn’t going to rescue you and make everything perfect for you.

    #841959 Reply
    tammy

    he behaved badly and fed you crap! so why shld you feel as if you are garbage? he is. he lied and led you on. hey your stronger than this. just try and put this behind and gear up for today. to aid you in that just block him everywhere.

    #842021 Reply
    Emily

    Agree with Lindy’s comments. It didn’t work out. The distance is likely why. Acceptance and not having a victim mindset are so important to all areas of life.

    When you are breaking up with someone, you are responsible to communicate kindly. You are not responsible for explaining your decision until the other person likes, agrees with, or accepts it. Now, we can all debate what it means to “kindly” end a relationship, but the facts of the matter are, you live thousands of miles apart and went on 4 dates over 2 years. This wasn’t even a relationship. An email was sufficient.If you want to avoid this situation in the future, don’t date someone from a different country. And don’t trick yourself into thinking you are dating someone with whom you have virtually no face to face contact.

    #842040 Reply
    Newbie

    No i do understand how you got sucked in and it feels like real loss. So i would ignore the comments like its no big deal. But i do think you were too guilible and happy in fantasy land that has very little to do with real life.
    So its a loss but you have to accept its over. Im sorry. Thats the only thing you can do

    #842060 Reply
    Lindy

    I believe if he told his side of the story it would likely be something quite different than what’s presented here.

    #842066 Reply
    Newbie

    Are you looking for the truth? In that case i suggest you go work for a court

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