This topic contains 6 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 8 months, 1 week ago.
September 17, 2019 at 10:31 am #773342
So having mixed feelings now. I’ve been dating a guy younger than me by 15 years for over a year. He’s very intense and set the tone in our relationship that we were exclusive. Fast forward 9 months, catch him texting another girl..not a friend from the tone of text. He denies it’s anything, so I set some boundaries going forward and he agrees.
Couple months ago, his behavior changes in ways that gave me pause…he starts going out with friends on our days (still “fitting ” me in those days.) Not having problem with his going out w friends-ive been encouraging it – but he doesn’t answer my calls when hes out w them. Mind you, I’m not calling incessantly- just once to confirm a timeline and once to say have fun.
Back when setting my boundaries, we agreed no dating sites and to exclusivity. I said if he’s ready to move on, he has that right, just be honest about it. He was adamant he wasn’t interested in that, that this means something to him, and he would never go behind my back, that his actions previously were a mistake (he also lied abt being on dating site).
Fast forward to last week…he’s in the shower and he gets a message…from a girl he met on a dating site. His previous message to her was how pretty she was and distance doesn’t matter, etc, just looking for some chatting..she lived in another state.
I took his phone, placed it on the sink in bathroom, put his clothes I was washing for him in a bag and put on porch, and told him to get out. He had no other clothes and had to leave in his underwear.
This is a toned down version of many issues w his controlling behavior…calling me nonstop when I’m out w friends, wanting to know who I’m with, where I am,and many more issues.
We had words-me more so than him as he kept denying anything was going on. I admit I was not nice in what I had to say while kicking him out.
I’m struggling with the fact that he has not once tried to call to apologize and kept insisting he did nothing wrong. How can someone be caught literally w their pants down and be mad at me and my reaction to this “micro cheating”?
How do I get closure from this?September 17, 2019 at 11:03 am #773345
Better off single
Obviously this guy bothers you and it is not loving in anyway, so why not just move on and forget closure?September 17, 2019 at 11:29 am #773359
if hes your steady guy than what is he doing on a dating site?September 17, 2019 at 12:08 pm #773364
Uh, you got your closure when you booted him out the door. Not saying it was the right or wrong approach but if you wanted “closure” by way of a decent conversation and getting to a point of understanding, you forfeited that by flipping out.
If I was with a guy, and he caught me online talking to a guy I met on Tinder, and the guy threw me out along with my stuff, my assumption would be it was over and I would not call to apologize unless I wanted back. I’d say he isn’t wanting to come back as he figured out you won’t let him have his cake and eat it too.
I don’t think your decision was bad or rash- if the guy has chat buddies he meets on online dating sites, and that is a deal breaker for you, by all means, you should move on,September 17, 2019 at 12:12 pm #773365
15 years is way too much of an age difference. He’s obviously immature..oh and he lied several times. So he’s a liar. Thats good you stood up for yourself and who cares if he had to leave in his underwear hahaha. He’s probably mad about it though and that’s why he’s not calling. Plus maybe he doesn’t care enough. And why are you going through his phone and how do you know she’s from a dating app? Sounds like your relationship kind of sucks. Best thing you can do is move on he’s young enough to be your son…and don’t even bother contacting the kid.September 17, 2019 at 12:26 pm #773367
Nope, just a major case of incompatibility with two people trying to one up each other on who can out control who. You won, game over, and there’s no good reason for either of you to keep playing the control game.September 17, 2019 at 1:18 pm #773397
Sounds like drama for the sake of drama… Why would you want any more to do with this guy?