Just moved into my perfect place, now he wants me to move again?!

Home Forums The Community Lounge Just moved into my perfect place, now he wants me to move again?!

This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Omg 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #754045 Reply


    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We have a wonderful relationship! Very loving, we trust each other, list goes on we’re perfect for each other. We live in opposite ends of the city. I owned my own home and he does too but has a roommate. I just sold my home a week ago and went back to renting a condo and I LOVE IT! i have no more stress after taking care of a house by myself and it’s just perfect.
    Because we live about a 20min drive apart(big deal) we will get together sometimes during the week or I spend all weekend at his house.
    So his roommate is moving out with his gf and they’re going back to renting too(everyone is now because housing costs are ridiculous)
    Now my boyfriend is hinting and sending me homes to see and wants to get a house together. I am NOT ready for this and perfectly happy with the situation. I JUST MOVED!! I don’t know and hope he doesn’t think because I have money from selling I can put a down payment on a home together.makes me sick to think he’d be thinking that way or is he just panicking that he’s gonna be on his own now?! I am super happy being on my own right now honestly.
    I just don’t know what to make of this and WHY would he be doing this only DAYS after I have moved and gone through all of this ?
    In my opinion he can go and buy his own new house and I would never even consider that big of a decision unless there is a ring on my finger. He’s also looking at houses that are practically mansions?! I know I am very independent…anyway this is just not sitting well with me at the moment .

    #754048 Reply


    why cant you tell him what you wrote here? don’t complicate things for yourself. just tell him what you feel.

    #754052 Reply


    Yes thanks Tammy
    He should definitely understand I’d say! I would for sure! I just got over so much moving stress maybe overthinking things

    #754055 Reply



    #754070 Reply


    I actually think its sweet TBH. I don’t know why this is a difficult conversation for you to have if you’re so perfect together? I have my own place and will eventually move into my Beau’s new home that I recently helped him pick out when I’m ready to make it (maybe in another year?) as I didn’t want to move into a house I didn’t like…haha.

    I understand you’re over stressed with the move, and this could just be an impulsive thought he’s having at this moment but won’t go through with it. All you really need to do is sit down and explain to him that you’re enjoying not being a home owner right now, and you don’t want to make such a major commitment prior to being married. That will put him on notice that any major moves like this will require a ring, engagement and marriage first.

    Just talk and work with him, not against him, or you could potentially lose a great guy.

    #754138 Reply


    I can’t wrap my head around why someone would sell a home and rent again. You get no equity. No tax breaks. And I live in a very expensive part of the country where renting is initially cheaper, but once you get the down payment in and have the home, the mortgage is definitely less costly than renting, way less expensive not only in mortgage but due to tax write off. I think it’s financially foolish to rent if you don’t have to. That’s my opinion. Sounds like your bf is using his head. If you prefer to stay as is, just tell him. I don’t understand why you would get so hot headed about the fact he would like to live with you. Maybe you don’t love him the way you say you do. And as far as looking at bigger homes most men want to get their woman more. Plus with two incomes you can afford it. If being engaged is the issue all you have to say is you won’t entertain living together with a ring and firm marriage date. My read is that you are more upset he hasn’t proposed and that’s why this house move in deal is upsetting you.

    #754345 Reply


    Have you owned and tried to maintain a home on your own? After selling I now have a good chunk of change in the bank, no property taxes, no mortgage, no interest payments, and no stress and worrying about what I need to fix and replace. The list goes on. This is my preference and my circumstance.
    And no my mortgage and all the other crap that came with it is definitely not cheaper. I weighed the pros and cons trust me. I can come home and relax, go sit by the pool for once.
    Being that I AM independent this way I am in NO rush for a proposal as I am very happy with my situation right now.
    Lanes response was perfect:)

    #754350 Reply


    Yes. I have owned five different homes ranging from full scale house to townhouse to condo. Never had a problem coming home and just sitting by the pool. And three of those homes I owned on my own. In condos you don’t have to worry about maintenance of property which is why they are so popular. The interest you pay becomes your tax write off. Without having a home loan you lose out on that write off and usually end up paying even more in personal taxes anyway, so if you want to avoid tax, that’s not the way. You also had to pay tax on the capital gains for the chunk of change you claim to have.

    Having no mortgage doesn’t mean you still don’t have to pay rent, but it does mean you can control the amount by loan arrangement. Rent goes up every year and you cannot predict or control it. Your landlord can also change the terms of the lease at any time as long as they give 60 days notice which means what you signed up for could poof change on you.

    Having money in the bank isn’t making you money. Most people who do this end up just spending it all and not investing it, so while you have money at the moment it is probably making less than a percent interest.

    To each his own I am just attempting to educate other women on here that if you look at renting as a long term solution you will wake up one day with nothing, unless you successfully did some strategic retirement investing.

    It’s like leasing a car. Also a waste of money but people do it for convenience. In times where money is tight for most people it pays literally to be smart. And my point is your boyfriend may be thinking along the same lines. Whether you choose to follow that path is up to you.

    #754369 Reply


    I’m a real estate agent and owning a home isn’t the end all be all. You don’t have to pay capital gains if you’ve been in the house over a year and are below the required levels – below 250k single/500k married in equity. The interest rate tax deduction may not even be a factor with the new tax code. (My husband and I didn’t deduct this year even though we own.) And as far as housing being an investment, it depends on the real estate cycle and how well you can manage your money.

    That being said, it’s still the most popular longterm investment for most Americans. But as you can see, it’s not always the right choice for everyone. Perhaps like the OP.

    #754373 Reply


    Oh my goodness! When did we become a forum on real estate investing and retirement savings? This isn’t helping one bit with the OP’s question!

    If you have the wonderful, loving, trusting relationship you claim and are perfect for each other then certainly telling him how you feel and exactly what you told us isn’t a big deal. You’ve just gotten out of the shackles of home ownership and you don’t want to jump right back into them. Certainly that’s understandable. He needs to make his own decisions about his future living accommodations.

    I’m just surprised none of this came up when you were looking for a place. Why weren’t you looking for a condo the 2 of you could live in together?

    #754375 Reply


    Because, Kaye. The guy won’t propose to her.

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