This topic contains 17 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Lane 4 months, 2 weeks ago.
August 14, 2019 at 3:23 am #760141
ive been with boyfriend for 2 years, he still takes care of his exs daughter every weekend except when she cant make it. I have had a problem with this, but have somehow managed it over the time. Sometimes we all go out together for the day and we all get on really well, she is 12.
Me and boyfriend have been arguing for quite some time now, and haven’t spoken for 5 days but he mentioned last week that he might have to take the girl to the airport, with her mum of course and I told him I wasn’t happy at about it at all. He seemed a bit surprised but didn’t say much.
it was yesterday he probably took them and I cannot get over my feelings about it and I cannot believe he did it. Fair enough take the girl yes, but his ex? I can just imagne them all happy in the car on the way there etc. And he was with her for 9 years and he said she was terrible and he regrets that time with her, but now time has passed and he is friendly with her prob because of the girl.
I tried apologising to him on sunday via a message and he just sent back an emotionless emoji so I left it, and yesterday I texted him I love you and he never even opened it, even though I saw he had been active a few times.
He has never responded like this before, we usually make up fairly quick once I make the first move. He has however read the message now over night but not replied.
Im just worried that my feelings over his ex will stop any chances of us making things better and I don’t know what to do.
I want to add something very important. I slept with someone last year and he doesn’t know, im not proud but I cant take it back. So im thinking, does that make us even in my mind? Like should I forget he took his ex because I have done a lot worse?August 14, 2019 at 4:27 am #760142
I don’t like my ex but I’d go to the airport with our child to say goodbye if she was going somewhere, or let him give us a lift so he could say goodbye and wave us off knowing we were safe.
That’s just parenting. You have to get over it or let him go.
But having that lie between you – that’s BAD. I’m not suggesting you tell him as it’s hardly going to help, but yes that’s FAR FAR FAR FAR worse than him driving his ex to the airport and no you’re not even.August 14, 2019 at 4:48 am #760144
this just confirms the theory that when someone cheats they get suspicious that their partner could be cheating on them lol
do him a favour and just leave, he deserves much better than a woman who says she loves him but then cheat behind his back…August 14, 2019 at 7:21 am #760151
Is the child his? If it is not his child there is not reason he should be watching her every weekend and you need to move on.August 14, 2019 at 7:54 am #760153
The way you write it implies that the girl isn’t your bf daughter. You put up with him bringing a young girl in your dates for 2 years? I mean that’s crazy. I get it he was like a dad to her for 9 years that most of her life but he’s not her real dad.
Yeah you got some on the side once and that’s bad. Him driving his ex and her kid around isn’t the same but you been putting up with some crazy stuff.August 14, 2019 at 8:41 am #760155
yes the girl isn’t his. I don’t know why he is so obsessed with her, but as you can imagine, I never get to spend much time with him on weekend days as he works Saturday then he has her sundays and she sleeps over. I don’t really want to get into that issue on this thread, as I have posted about this before but most people told me to get over myself and that I wasn’t caring and to never have any kids of my own!! I have a son btw.
There are many many reasons why I shouldn’t stay with him (hence why we are all on here) but my main issue right now was the airport run. I don’t want to be petty about it, but I feel like I cant even sit in the car now where she sat.
I hate jealous feelings, they are the worst.August 14, 2019 at 9:47 am #760159
Look if she’s 12, you’ve been together for 2 years and he was with his ex for 9 years that means he’s raised her pretty much since she was born! Even if she’s not his biological daughter you can’t seriously expect him just to walk away from this bond they’ve created because you’re jealous over his ex! That’s ridiculous! How is this any different than if he adopted her while they were together and have shared custody? It’s not. You’ve dealt with this for 2 years now all the sudden you’re having a freaking meltdown because he drove them to the airport. All the while over here knowing you actually SLEPT WITH ANOTHER MAN!! This is the definition of hypocrisy by the way.
If you want this to work you’ve got to do more than just texting the guy! That takes absolutely no effort and is hardly sincere. You actually need to show up in person and apologize. But if you don’t intend to get over your issues with his ex and actually make an effort to deal with your jealousy then you really need to let him go. And you are hardly EVEN considering you slept with someone and he just dropped someone at the airport. I think if you were happy in this situation you wouldn’t have cheated. So think really long and hard about whether or not you can deal with this in the future because this little girl isn’t going anywhere!August 14, 2019 at 10:10 am #760164
If the child is his, you cannot be jealous of their relationship. If they say there’s nothing going on, trust them. But I guess your paranoia is going on hyperdrive since you’ve cheated on him, hence you feel that he will cheat on you even if he is not going to. My suggestion is take a step back and assess the situation, do you still love him? Are you willing to make a compromise? If not, might as well get out of this relationship.August 14, 2019 at 11:20 am #760170
If the child is not his he needs to stop taking her for the weekend. When he and the ex broke up, the ties should have severed. It doesn’t not matter if he was with the child’s mom for 9 years… he is not the father!! There is no woman out there that is going to be comfortable with this arrangement because it is not his child! He will never be able to move on with this child and ex in his life and it does not seem that he wants to either.August 14, 2019 at 11:37 am #760172
She may not be his biological daughter but if he was with her for most of her life it isn’t fair to the child to just sever ties. He’s been the father figure to her and that would be hugely damaging to just say stop seeing the child. You knew from the very beginning this child was going to be in his life. You can’t just all of a sudden decide it doesn’t work for you. And given his history with both the ex and the child, I could see where he would easily walk away from the OP. His silence is a warning sign that is saying ‘if you give me crap about seeing the child, this isn’t going to work out in your favor.’August 14, 2019 at 12:20 pm #760174
Karen is right-does not matter if the kid is a biological child-he has assumed the daddy role,which is important to him and the child. This is something to be supported and praised.
Sounds like the relationship has issues,and you sound very insecure and immature.
You better evaluate your attitude-maybe talk to a therapist. he is right to be annoyed with your antics.August 14, 2019 at 3:15 pm #760188
my two cents
Wow. So this guy is generous and kind enough to help raise a kid that isn’t even his, even after he broke up with the ex and you have a problem with that?
I think Karen and peggy are right in their advice. I hope you do learn to put your insecurities aside, grow some self esteem and appreciate that you’ve got a great man in your life.August 14, 2019 at 4:25 pm #760190
I think it’s nice that he hasn’t just abandoned the kid. The ex thing is fine too. My ex hubby and I often do things As a family. What do you think is going to happen ? They broke up already and are behaving like adults now. Which is more than can be said for you and your
Attitude. You sound needy and immature and you’re driving this decent man away.August 14, 2019 at 7:17 pm #760191
Two years of living in resentment and jealousy?August 14, 2019 at 7:29 pm #760196
What was the initial argument about?September 4, 2019 at 7:21 am #767084
I personally don’t understand why he raises a child that is not his. Bond, yeah, ok, I mean sure he was involved with her for years. To the point he has her every weekend, extreme. Father the child, but every weekend? wow. I’d not have that.
Decent or not, I think people are being harsh on you. Fact is, he should have taken you with them to the airport, or paid for them to use a shuttle. He’s coparenting, not in a relationship. Driving her places isn’t something he NEEDS to do. He sounds way too invested in the ex.
I don’t think this one is the right one for you. He probably doesn’t want to let go of the ex, so keeps her child closer. Your feelings SHOULD come as a priority. So say he knew you felt uncomfortable and wanted the girl to go to the airport? He’d get her there by another means (as I said paid a shuttle/uber/ola/taxi). He could keep the both of you happy, but chooses to meet her needs, to keep them happy, over you & THATS the problem here.
You’ll be feeling second best & like you come second to the ex wife. Not a good thing for your self-esteem.
This man isn’t the man for you. You know it. He knows it. I’d cut him off and focus on a man that doesn’t add to your insecurities.September 4, 2019 at 9:14 am #767126
Better off single
You cheated on your boyfriend and you’re jealous because you are afraid of the possibilty he is going to do it to you?
Guilt does some serious mental damage doesn’t it?
Not trying to be harsh but communicate with him using logic then get over it or get out of it.September 4, 2019 at 11:01 am #767144
I too do not understand why women would want a child to suffer just because the adults can’t get their crap together? If it was a short bond, I could see it, but he raised her as a father for majority of her life, and that kind of loss for a child would be akin to the death of a father, at a young age, and I don’t know why anyone would want that kind of suffering for a young child?
You are blaming him, his ex, and a young child, yet don’t seem to be taking any responsibility for any of your actions, such as cheating and constant arguing. If I was this man, I would drop you, simply because you live in the land of drama, this relationship is toxic and dysfunctional, which is not what this child needs learn or be involved with. You are not ‘adulting’ well at all. I suggest you take a big step back; seriously look in the mirror and do a whole lot of self-reflection; start being honest with yourself, and him, because he nor this child should be around a self-destructive person.