It's complicated


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  • #776488 Reply
    Anonymous

    I have an ex that I have made clear he is and will stay the ex.

    I have been dating someone who started out my friend.He finally admitted he didn’t want to stay just friends we are seeing if we can be friends and a couple at the same time. We text each other every day just to talk and see how the other is doing. We are exclusive. We had that talk and discussed what we expect from the other.

    My confusion is he loves me. I see it and I feel it when we are together. He has taken down pics of all oyher girls that was previously on his profile. He keeps me at a distance emotionally.

    He confides in me and tells me when he’s having a bad day. I know he has trust issues because if previous relationships. Why am I kept at a distance? He says he’s like that with everyone.

    #776491 Reply
    Lane

    This is who he is, clearly told you that it his nature, so not sure why you’re so confused by it? You either accept that part of him, or you don’t, and go back to being just friends.

    This is the whole point of a courtship (dating); to determine if the man is someone we can envision building a solid future with. Each conversation should be revealing more about each other to the to the point you start stripping down each others layers to get to the core and decide if its truly someone you can build a strong partnership with long-term. If you cannot, you end it and go through the same process with someone else until you do.

    #776510 Reply
    kaye

    I don’t understand how a woman expects a man to just open up and bare his soul emotionally to her when they just start dating! I too am emotionally distant when I am first getting to know someone. It’s like peeling back the layers of an onion or a flower to get to the center. It takes YEARS to get to know someone fully. You have to see them in good times, bad times, stressful times, happy, sad, frustrated, depressed, etc.

    If you are friends, have decided to date exclusively, you have discussed expectations, you know he loves you, and he has taken down all pics of other girls on his profile, why can’t you just let things develop naturally? Why do you have to be creating issues where there are none?

    My husband was a tough nut to crack. He had trust issues from his ex wife who cheated on him. He didn’t tell me everything about his past or his feelings at the beginning of our relationship. He’s one of those old school guys who doesn’t talk about his emotions easily. We had to build our emotional bond and our trust over time. Now we’ve been through things together and I’ve seen his emotionally vulnerable side and he knows he can trust me with it. There are a few times he has opened up to me and cried about something and those things are sacred to me. I’m never going to throw any of that in his face during a fight for example. He knows he can trust me to show me that side of him and be safe. You can’t expect that in a few months.

    #776528 Reply
    Liz Lemon

    I’m with Kaye 100%. My boyfriend is the same way. Kinda old school, doesn’t show emotions easily, tries to be stoic. We’ve been together over a year and a half now. He had a bitter divorce and only recently started really opening up to me about it. He’s gotten to the point now where he’s comfortable expressing deep emotion with me because, like Kaye said, he knows he’s safe with me. But it’s been a journey to get there, and we still have a way to go, but we’re much emotionally closer now than we were a year ago when we were still in the honeymoon period.

    A lot of people (not just guys) are emotionally reserved at the beginning of a relationship. You can’t demand that someone open up to you. They have to be comfortable enough to do it, and you have to go through things together to build a bond and trust. And that takes time.

    #776536 Reply
    Alexis

    I don’t get what’s up with my boyfriend. He is always hiding his phone from me and I am scared he might actually be cheating. He doesn’t even want to come over anymore and I always telling me I won’t understand if he tells me. I’m in love with him. I just wish he felt the same. He is always isnoring me me too😪😴

    #776544 Reply
    Sophia

    Sounds like he’s pulling away. Might be time to cut him loose.

    #776549 Reply
    Better off single

    What happened?

    #776554 Reply
    Better off single

    Alexis
    I know you probably want your guy to respect you and love you the way you love him, more than likely his eyes wandered off somewhere else that peaked his interest. Do you two have anything in common? Are you even interested in things he is interested in? Focus on the facts dear. I honestly think he doesn’t really care about you. He cares about you like the Joker cares about Harley Quinn. He is only out for his own best interest and keeps you around because you let him get away with treating you like dirt because you “love him”. Let him go. Find a new man that will treat you the way Gomez loves Morticia.

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