It feels like abuse


Home Forums Break Up Advice It feels like abuse

This topic contains 5 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  tammy 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #773767 Reply

    Lori

    I have known a friend for 8 yrs, we used to work together. Over the yrs we got together, did things together & she offered support with being let go from my job & breakups with men.

    Over the last yr she had a car accident & could no longer drive. I have been driving her to appointments, usually once a week. It’s a fair amt of gas I use (very expensive) and once in awhile she will throw in a few dollars showing appreciation. But lately after going out of my way more than normal, she offers nothing.

    Also over the last year, almost each time she points out things she notices about my appearance. Like pimples, hair doesn’t look nice or my clothes are too dark. I like to wear black alot.

    She is generally critical about others who do favors for her in her life also.
    I hate listening to her bleak, condescending attitude at times.

    I have known her for a long time & she has supported me in the past. I dont take litely just ending a long term relationship. But I feel disrespected and at times she is just using me as a free cab service.

    Advice on how others would deal with this is appreciated.

    #773768 Reply

    peggy

    Well you could talk to her-tell her you are happy to give her a ride but the cost is adding up for you and you would appreciate it she could pay for a fill up now and then, or pay x number of dollars when you drive her-whatever you think would be fair to you.
    Next time she insults you-say ” I imagine you think you are being helpful-but really I find your comments hurtful-if I want your opinion,I will ask you.
    If these phrases don’t create change or you don’t want to tell her-then just slowly phase out of her life. Be “busy” next time she calls etc.

    #773778 Reply

    Sophia

    If it were me I’d end this dead end friendship pronto.

    I’d call and tell her I decided to launch my part-time business (dog walking/house cleaning/personal assistant, etc) and already have two clients lined up (by word of mouth) so may not be able to give her rides anymore as my energies will be going to building on that success.

    That I was calling to give her a heads up and to give her time to line up someone else.

    I’d sound so excited about my new venture that all her protests would fall on deaf ears. Then anytime she contacted me I’d be busy “working”.

    Yep.
    I’d totally lie my way out of this debacle!!

    #773803 Reply

    Nathalie

    As a friend that has helped you in the past she thinks her criticism are constructive. But if it’s starting to not feel like so then simply tell her. Next time she ask for a ride, tell her you’re low on gas. She will have to pay for the gas if she really needs the ride. And in regards to your clothes simply tell her that you like it that way. To think for 8yrs you’ve been friends, should be use to your style by now. And you’re not obligated to always be available, sometimes it’s okay to decline. Don’t be afraid to say no.

    #773809 Reply

    Sensy

    True friends encourage you and don’t take advantage of you. She may be in a funk so just express to her your concerns.

    #773839 Reply

    tammy

    why cook up stories? just tell her you are busy the next few times she calls. she will stop asking you to take her around and look for alternates. if you don’t like meeting her, don’t. cut down on your interactions. don’t initiate any interactions. she will get the hint. unless you want to salvage this friendship. than you should talk to her.

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