Isolation problem


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  • #789637 Reply
    Monika

    I’ve known him for a while just haven’t talked to him in months until he popped up to me. We hung out at my house and his a few times but I didn’t think much of it. One day he asked me on a date and I thought “what’s the worst that can happen” and agreed to go. This was at the end of February and it went great and we texted everyday after that and got on extremely well and were obviously both very attracted to each other so we agreed to date. We met up several times after that and watched movies or went bowling or mini golfing and it was going great but around 2/3 weeks later the lockdown happened and he’s high risk so we weren’t allowed to see each other. The problem is that we’re both extremely physically affectionate people so not being able to see each other for god knows how long took its toll on both of us and the arguments started. He stopped texting me much and my mental health wasn’t great because of the isolation and I took it out on him. We argued so much to the point that he told me to leave him alone and that he doesn’t think we can work because I make such a big deal out of the smallest thing. I said I need a few days to get used to the isolation and take control of my mental health and he agreed. A week later I felt much better so I texted him and apologized for everything and it was fine and we started texting again but a few days ago he said again that we won’t work because he doesn’t know that I won’t be so argumentative even after the lockdown and said he needs to be alone. We haven’t talked since. I really like him and I don’t want to lose him and I don’t know how to prove to him that I can and will change and will be back to my normal self when the lockdown is over. It’s been around 3/4 days and my question is should I text/call him and apologize again and see if we can start over? I’m thinking of waiting another couple of days to give him some space but I don’t want to move on from him as we got on extremely well. Thank you.

    #789656 Reply
    cupcake

    Just leave it for now! I don’t know what you said to him to garner such a reaction but clearly this texting thing isnt working for either of you. Take a step back. Take him off your mind for now and see how and where it goes after the lockdown is lifted (which might not be for months.

    #789682 Reply
    Sandybean

    What happened between your apology and the second time he called it off?

    If he says that you’re “too argumentative” and it’s not based on an actual argument but simply because you enjoy a healthy debate (there is nothing wrong with that!), this won’t work. When I say healthy debate I mean enjoying to discuss a topic that you might have different opinions on without trying to negate the other’s thoughts. It means just sharing and learning. There is nothing bad about this but some people don’t like it because it can feel confrontational even though it isn’t. And if you enjoy that, you shouldn’t (and probably couldn’t) change that.

    If you had another argument (and I obviously don’t know what the first one was about), it also doesn’t look great because it’s only been a few weeks and he’s not happy. Everyone’s stress level is heightened during these times so it’s important to be a more generous and gentle when it comes to others’ emotions (as well as your own!!!). And it seems like you two are not able to do that for one another, or to see that in one another.

    I would also be concerned that you will never feel comfortable raising an issue with him in the future because he’s told you several times already that you’re too argumentative and that it doesn’t work for him.

    Sorry that none of my thoughts are optimistic but I think it’s never a good sign when one partner is too much for the other especially that early in a not-even-a-relationshio.

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