Is this normal in dating?

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Viola 9 months ago.

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  • #775654 Reply


    Something really strange is going on in my dating life right now and I need to change it’s course and hoping anyone can offer some advice please.

    I’ve been dating 5 months now, after enjoying a full year of singledom. The guys I’m mostly interested in are the ones that doesn’t end into anything. But the ones I am less into are the guys that are making declarations of love.

    Now I know when you show less interest in someone they seem to chase you more, however I’ve been careful to show the same level of interest with both guys I’m really into and the ones I’m not so into. I will admit that the ones I’m into I’ve been open to seeing them more when they ask me out (naturally).

    So I dont understand why. It’s just baffling to me. There was one guy in particular that I saw we were going places. Lots of compatibility, communication great, values and all, he was initiation more than me etc. But then he turned my clouds dark when he told me he just wants to keep going with the flow and not really think of a relationship. To me that felt like he was suddenly emotionally unavailable and it’s like he took a crap on me. I didn’t react badly I just kept my distance now since we are still in communication. Then there was this other guy, whom we met waaay back but recently reconnected. As a teenager I was experiencing so we kissed back then. He came back in my life and said that all of the feelings he had for me came back and is interested in dating me. I didn’t see the harm but I realize fairly quickly that I wasn’t feeling this at all. And once I told him that, he decided to reinforce things by texting me romantic memes and declare his love further.

    Then there’s this other guy, very successful and handsome, wants to see me all the time, but I dont feel any connection for him. Once I turned him down he started telling me he wants me to have his babies. Wtf?

    Another person I liked; we knew each other for a while through other friends first, told me he felt intimidated to ask me out for a while but once he finally did, our conversations flowed. We have fun just talking, and I met all his other guy friends and all, after a while when I started to really question what he is really looking for, he confessed he has a gf that is studying abroad. He doesn’t want to be with her anymore and wanted to see if we have something between us first before he breaks her heart. I felt humiliated and let’s just say I’m not replying his attempts to contact me anymore.

    And some guys are messaging me frequently but they are low interest to me. The guy(s) I would really like to give my time to get to know they all seem interested and pursues me but nothing really develops from it.

    Things like this has been happening so much in my life right now that I simple just want it to end. What am I doing wrong?

    #775666 Reply


    Hi Viola-this sounds like the normal dating process. You have not clicked with the right guy yet. Be relaxed and open minded and yes,let them show interest or lack of-then you know where they are “at”.
    Patience is needed. I on-line dated for about 3 years. Met about 40 guys or so on coffee dates. Went on several second dates and dated a couple guys for a few months each. I was disappointed a couple times but figured “if it was meant to be” it would have worked out,so I just moved on.
    I finally met my match,after all that. He lived a 90 minute drive ,one way away from me. We met every weekend until I could move to him,we live together and have been together 2.5 years. So don’t give up. BTW he asked me out again right away and we actually just started only dating each other-when he is into you and it is right,it is usually obvious. Hang in and don’t get discouraged,be cool and patient!

    #775667 Reply


    It is a miracle that any of us find love. What you are facing is normal in the love merry-go-round. I know it is frustrating but it is the way of love and the world.

    True love is rare, and needs to be appreciated, when we finally it. A lot of people settle out of frustration and then are unhappy for settling.

    Just keep dating without expectation – stay open and fun. Enjoy life and stay dating = do not get more invested in a man than he is in you.

    Have the time of your life…love will just happen when it is supposed to.

    #775668 Reply


    To answer the question-you are not doing anything wrong,as far as I can tell from what you wrote..

    #775703 Reply


    Thank you ladies.

    So grateful to hear your experiences..i feel a lot better. I was thinking I’m just so unlucky in love.

    It’s so annoying and sad ugh!!.. but I will take it easy and let it flow. <3

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