This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Omg 4 months ago.
August 12, 2019 at 8:58 pm #760031
My boyfriend told me he needs space yesterday, so we agreed on taking a break. I told him he can talk to me and send me posts, etc if he wants to. So, he still texted me right after just updating me on something he was planning to do that day. Even today, he’s been sending me posts on Instagram. Usually, i would open the posts quickly and “like” react to them.
Now, I’ve been opening them very very late and not giving them “likes.” I do feel a bit mean and too cold not reacting to those posts he’s sending me, but my friends and family are telling me not to give any reaction to anything he sends me or ya form of contact he initiates. What should I do? Should i still show him i acknowledged the posts he sent me by liking them? Or should i completely ignore everything and leave him on read?
I really want him backAugust 12, 2019 at 9:17 pm #760032
You shouldn’t have told him that. The way this is going is not a “break.” You seem very desperate to hang on to him. Let him know you’re happy to have a week or two without contact, meaning you are not sending each other things, liking posts, or anything. No texts, no phone calls, etc.August 12, 2019 at 9:23 pm #760035
Is it too late to make the no contact work then? Or should I just start it now although I told him otherwise?August 12, 2019 at 9:34 pm #760036
Block him. No man in love wants a break from the woman he lovesAugust 12, 2019 at 10:24 pm #760043
Is there no chance of him realizing he’s made a mistake?August 12, 2019 at 10:43 pm #760046
Did he give a reason for wanting space?August 12, 2019 at 11:17 pm #760052
We started dating very quickly after he got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. I was the opposite of his ex (more appreciative, loving, caring, etc.) and we both shared very similar values and goals, so we fell in love quickly and were doing very well. However, something changed recently and he had been becoming slowly more distant and just didn’t put in the same effort as he used to. So he opened up to me when i asked him about it, and he told me that after his bad relationships, he “built up walls” in his heart and thought that being with someone like me would help tear them down, but he just realized that he’s hurting me instead because he’s unable to reciprocate the love and attention i give him. He said he still loves me and wants to make it work, but he just can’t go on knowing I’m getting hurt and that he can’t make me happy (??). So i suggested that we try making this work somehow, and his answer to that is that he just needs space, a break to focus completely on himself and have time to think about his issues.August 12, 2019 at 11:59 pm #760059
He’s being really honest with you about his emotional turmoil.
Best to give him the space he’s asking for if there’s any hope of you getting back together at some point in the future. Leave him be, as this is something only he can work out.
You want him back but he realizes he’s got work to do on himself so you need accept the breakup for what it is. He’s pretty self aware, actually.August 13, 2019 at 12:09 am #760061
Yes, there is a chance of him realizing he made a mistake. But that’s only going to happen if you enforce the breakup he asked for.
I like the no contact for a few weeks. Explain that you’ve been thinking about the conversation and agree space is a good thing for awhile.
Then go full on NC for at LEAST three weeks, because he’ll only possibly realize he’s made a mistake when you remove yourself completely from his world.
Good luck.August 13, 2019 at 12:48 am #760063
we already came to a mutual agreement that I’d give him space. Is it still necessary for me to let him know i plan on going NC? Or should I just continue doing it even if he keeps sending me posts, etcAugust 13, 2019 at 3:45 am #760067
well you have agreed but he is still sending you posts so either ask him to stop doing it or don’t engage at allAugust 13, 2019 at 5:34 am #760068
Yes it is necessary because when he broke up you told him he could text and call you, so he has. Now you’re changing that and feel going NC is best, which is a 180 to what you told him a few days ago. Explain the change and go silent.
BTW – You’re not in NC yet. You’d block him on everything if you were.August 13, 2019 at 9:28 am #760074
I’m going to call it as I see it…. this is a break-up. He knows he’s damaged and he’s hurting you and he can’t make you happy. That’s relationship showstopper for a man.
Everything he’s saying points to he’s bowing out. You’ve focused on him saying “I want to make it work” and you are ignoring the large “BUT” right after that and everything else he said.
Tell him to take a month completely off of contact with you and at the end of that time he can get in touch if he decides he’d like to try it. He will either miss you and willingly come back or he will stay silent and gone, which is looking like what his intent is at this point. Either way, you win. He goes away as he was going to anyway and you haven’t wasted more time trying to convince him to stay, or he comes to his senses and steps up.August 13, 2019 at 9:53 am #760075
How long were you dating before he asked for this break? If it’s only been a few months then I would say yes this is a break up. And you need to tell him you are going no contact for a set period of time to give each other space.August 13, 2019 at 10:20 am #760078
Big piece of the puzzle missed here: Y’all started dating immediately after his abusive relationship ended. Above it all, he didnt get time to process his break-up and that’s likely bleeding into this relationship
I like Narc’s suggestion to explain the re-establisb NC terms, and then give it space.August 13, 2019 at 10:28 am #760080
@kaye I don’t agree. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been dating, that’s break-up language. If he really wanted to make it work he wouldn’t be asking for a break and he’d be saying different things entirely.August 13, 2019 at 10:39 am #760081
Everyone knows the term space means a break up. It’s a soft way of couching it. I don’t buy the story about abusive relationship blah blah. If the guy really feels it for you he will work past that really fast. The point is you were just a fun distraction and nothing more. He’s ready to meet other women. You aren’t the one.August 13, 2019 at 11:43 am #760088
This is a break up so please see it as that.
Let him know that you want no communication for a month and then block all social media.
He never got a chance to deal with his stuff and now its coming up. He needs time to heal and
I’m not sure this will work.
The only slight chance you have is showing him what its like to not have you around. He will either miss you or not.August 13, 2019 at 1:44 pm #760106
Number one excuse. I’m not ready for a relationship. That’s the biggest BS line ever. He just doesn’t want a relationship with you. I don’t understand why women, and men, actually believe what people tell them. You don’t know what’s in his head. All you know is what he wants you to think. This is the classic line of, it’s not you, it’s me.August 13, 2019 at 6:00 pm #760127
@omg lol. She doesn’t know what’s in his head, but you do!
@Amelia sorry but a man in love with you who sees a future doesn’t ask for space. It’s just a way of leaving in 2 steps so it doesn’t feel so sudden to him.August 13, 2019 at 6:05 pm #760128
My conclusion was the same as yours jo. It’s his way of getting out of the relationship.