Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › Is this an ultimatum?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by
Nicole.
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Nicole
My ex and I broke up 2 days ago. He sent me a few follow up messages saying he would want to step back and revisit things in the future but I didn’t respond so I could take some time and collect my thoughts. I’m fine with it and I think it would actually be a really good thing to take some space (miss each other, gain new perspectives, focus on ourselves, etc). But the one thing I wouldn’t be okay with is if he was intimate with someone else. Do I tell him and establish that boundary so there is no confusion? Or does that make it seem like I’m trying to control/give him an ultimatum? I know it would be normal to do since being single gives anyone that freedom but it is just something I personally would not be willing to overcome or move forward with. Any thoughts here? Or ways to say it so that it doesn’t come across as an ultimatum?
Raven
Call it what it is… I don’t think it’s necessarily an ultimatum, maybe more of a boundaries thing.
What happens if YOU find someone in the meantime that you’d like to get to know better?
Elvira
Hi Nicole
Is this a break where you will eventually visit this with a time frame or is this a break up with no definite time frame? Asking him to not be intimate is fine as long as there is an end date to the break if there isn’t I would see that as not realistic. However, bringing up the conversation is a way to see where he stands on that and does not need to come off as an ultimatum but as “the understanding” for the break. If he says no to the arrangement then you know he is interested in seeing others. If he agrees to a break for a few months with no interest in seeing other people then you have your answer.Zoe
You worry about him too much giving him too much power.
let him worry about you and if YOU intimate with someone elseNicole
My only thing is that he kind of has the comfort of knowing that I won’t be with someone. He was the first person I slept with after my last relationship which had been over for more than 2 years. I’m very successful and am a young, good looking woman in finance so I have a lot of options but the real me is very reserved and I take who I’m with seriously. He knows I’ve never had a one night stand and that I don’t sleep with people unless I truly care. So I’m sure in his mind he’s like wahoo this is the perfect ex. I wouldn’t change this for him or anyone else but it also puts me in a weaker position to some extent.
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