Is this abuse??

I’ve been with my partner for 3 years now, living together for two. We generally get on well together however when we fight he continue my brings up stuff he’s done for me and gifts he’s bought me.

The latest fight was because he caught me checking the bin to see how much he had drank that day..his drinking has been steadily increasing from a couple of beers to beers, vodka(75cl bottle) and a bottle of wine quite a few nights of the week. He says he does it because of the stress of work and because I’m never in at night and he’s bored. I work backshift and don’t get home til eleven at night. Anyway he caught me and as you can imagine he was not best pleased and told me to sleep on the couch. However the fight continued over WhatsApp the following day. He called me selfish because I went to a hotel instead of staying on couch where I had been banished too, told me it must be great to afford an overnighter to which I replied that if he wasn’t throwing, at the very least, 200 pounds down his throat every month then he wouldn’t be skint.

All I got back from that was that if he hadn’t paid for trips that happened 3YEARS ago, took me for a birthday overnight on my 49th last year and gave me money for the deposit to my car for my 50th he would have a lot more in his savings account.

At the start of our relationship when I moved in I was only working two part time jobs and running my car, lived with my mum before I moved in with him. I could not afford to pay for nights way etc but he was happy to do it so we could get away. Obviously I took spending money and paid for the petrol for car. When it was his birthday I could not afford much…this was last year and I only paid 15 pounds plus took him to local pub for food. He insists I nipped to shops on the morning of his birthday and bought his gift…I didn’t, I went and got him a little thing a couple of days before but this keeps getting drummed into me that I done this.

Today he’s bringing up PPI that I got during this time while I was still struggling and he asked for a little extra for the rent which I wasn’t happy with at first because it’s not as if he was struggling for cash but the minute I got a bit more that was giving me some breathing space he wanted it. I got the whole ive done this and Ive bought you this and you can’t even give me a little extra this month. Eve tally I gave him the extra plus 200pounds to cover the nights away and gifts. Today he threw that into the fight to how I got this money and didn’t even pay for an overnight….really? That was last year I got that money but I’m still getting lambasted for something I didn’t do a year ago!!

I’ll admit to when we’re fighting, not all the time but last time and this time, that I’m done cause I’m sick of having things I may not have done right in his eyes flung in my face. He said he’s tired of my poor me, I’m so hard done by routine and that I should be grateful for the kind, generous, faithful man I have…however when I said I was tired of his money and all the things I do for you mantra he came back well if you would pay for things such as rent or room decor on time then you wouldn’t hear my mantra, oh I know you’ve laid it now but still I shouldn’t have to have been put in position of asking????? I got that money a year ago and I’m STILL being brought down over it.

I have to add that I am now working full time we pay 50/50 On every thing including nights out but he STILL brings up all this stuff.

Sorry for rambling on but I need to get this all off my chest. To me relationships aren’t all grand gestures and gifts, the little things matter too, tea on the table when be gets in, an adventure activity, chocolate and a love note left on his chair when he comes home, little things within your budget, an i Iove you text just because but no, he’s all about money and has told me I’m selfish and right arsed a d should try being more kind and generous like him….I feel totally confused. Am I really a terrible person or is this abuse???..