This topic contains 20 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Raven 10 months ago.
August 10, 2018 at 2:29 pm #716618
Basically back at the beginning of January I met a slightly older woman and we kind of hit it off, I’m 38 by the way. Well to cut a long story short, I was seeing her quite intensely… I don’t really know how to describe the relationship as we weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend but it was a lot more than friends with benefits. She’s 45, three kids and just divorced although she’s still living with her ex-husband – they been separated for 18 months now, have separate rooms and the house is up for sale although taking forever to sell but they are also trying to make it easy on their kids.
Anyway so the story is that from January to May we were seeing each other pretty intensely, almost every night and we even went away for Valentines Day and her birthday. When we weren’t together it was whatsapp 24/7. Everything was going good but at the end of April she started saying things like she felt she was holding me back from meeting someone my own age and possibly having a family of my own, I told her to stop overthinking but she was adamant that we should take a break. So we went for three weeks in May without any contact, I got back in touch with her and we chatted a bit and she dropped the bombshell that she had started seeing someone. It hit me quite hard and I went a week feeling like rubbish in all honesty and eventually messaged her a long winded message saying I wanted her to be happy and couldn’t do the friend thing. I then blocked her and deleted her from FB. Kept her blocked for about a week before messaging her just before I went on holiday for a few days saying I had fallen for her, wanted to be with her, didn’t care about the complications, baggage, etc, etch. It was all true.
We then arranged to meet up when I got back and went for a meal and to the cinema at the beginning of June, I fully expected us to just be friends and she was going to let me down gently after having sent that message but in the cinema she held my hand and then afterwards we went back to mine. I thought we were back together. I asked her about the guy she had been seeing and she said it was over and nothing, was just a couple of dates. A couple of days later she was working in another part of town and her company put her up so I went to stay over at the hotel she had been put up in and we went out in the evening, the entire night she seemed really distracted and was on whatsapp a lot, almost every opportunity she had like when I went to the bar or the toilet. I called her up on it and she said it was nothing. We saw each other a few other times in June but it was constantly on my mind.
I had also noticed that she wasn’t messaging me anywhere as near as much as when we first got together and it sounds a bit stalkery but everytime I went on Whatsapp I could see she was online, I’d message her and even though she was online it would take sometimes an hour to respond and it felt like someone was more her priority. Throughout most of June it just felt like I was making all the effort to message her and it was a chore to her. She also kept going out with her friends on a Friday or Saturday night rather than see me. Then a couple of weeks ago she came over to mine and we were on the sofa watching tv but she then went on whatsapp, a few times she leaned forward so I wouldn’t be able to see who she was messaging. I caught a glimpse of her whatsapp and there was 4 numbers there where she hadn’t saved them as a contact so instead of a name you just see +4479 and then the rest of the number. I’m assuming now these were guys who had given her their numbers on nights out or something along those lines.
This was massively bugging me so a few days after that I sent her a long message asking what was going on and if she was in an emotional relationship with someone else and she wrote back saying that she wasn’t seeing anyone but in a roundabout way was keeping her options open – she’s always maintained that long term she needs someone her own age and who also has kids. I didn’t really know what to think and she said can we just keep things casual. I didn’t really want to but kind of agreed but she kept coming up with excuses whereby she couldn’t see me.
We met up for a drink just over a month ago and spoke a bit about it and she asked if it were possible for us just to be friends. I told her I don’t think I can and said I obviously want more, told her to sleep on it and the next night she sent me a message saying: “Rich sorry but gonna take a break I’m sorry don’t worry I won’t block you as we can still stay in touch x things are different in not feeling it anymore x sorry x”. I asked if there was someone else and she replied with “Of course I meet people when I go out I suppose i won’t know what I’m looking for until it hits me”. The final message she sent read “I suppose I just need to fancy someone more please don’t feel bad I know you have tried harder lately buts it’s not enough sorry”.
And that’s it really, I didn’t reply to that and haven’t contacted her since – 32 days no contact today actually. She messaged me the night after ending it with ‘You ok?’ and I didn’t reply and a couple of weeks ago tried to reach out if you can call it that by challenging me to a game of Words with Friends on Facebook, again I ignored and deleted her as a Facebook friend a few days after that. Going through a second break up with her in the space of a couple of months and it sucks a bit I suppose. the next couple of weeks are going to be tough as we had planned to go away on holiday but now I’m wondering what she’s doing and who she is with as her ex-husband is away for two weeks with the kids.
I guess it’s probably finally over and just wanted to write it all down to get it off my chest and maybe get some advice. My head is all over the place really. Do you think she’ll get back in touch with me at some point again? I don’t know what I’ll do if she does.August 10, 2018 at 2:42 pm #716621
No, I doubt she will, Stephen. You used just about every cliche and female trait and mistake on here and turned it into a long winded fake story. Everything you wrote in here took bits and pieces of recent threads and just strung it all together. Still living with ex, 24/7 contact on WhatsApp, age difference, puking back so the guy can have kids, coming back together, long winded texts messages pouring your heart out, found cheating on what’s app, asking to be friends, going no contact and counting it down to the exact day of NC, writing a long thread to just pour the heart out. Boring really. And so not creative.August 10, 2018 at 3:03 pm #716623
Stay away…August 10, 2018 at 3:36 pm #716625
This wasn’t a fake post :( I found this forum from a Google search and just thought I would seek advice.August 10, 2018 at 3:50 pm #716631
It’s a fact men use about two third less words than women to tell a story. Draw your own conclusions.August 10, 2018 at 8:44 pm #716647
I think she will contact you again. Once the other dudes start treating her like crap. Give it more time. She wasn’t feeling it, she will try to find that feeling with someone else, but it is highly unlikely. Highly unlikely. She was married for a long time and she has no idea just how hard it is out there to find a good guy and especially a guy who is into you. LOL
Do not contact her, do not look at her social media. And it would be better if you don’t wait for her, but I understand you can’t help it now.
But I am confident she’d discover all the pleasantries (not!) of the modern dating world soon enough. She’d discover that men would try to use her without giving her any feelings or even treating her well. Once she’s had enough of that she’d remember you.August 11, 2018 at 2:15 am #716652
Sounds to me like she’s found a social life again after a long marriage, and is enjoying the attention and freedom of all that it brings. Will she come back to you? Who knows. She will settle again at some point when she’s had some dating around and flirting and feeling attractive to others again, but you have to go on with your life and think she won’t be back or it’ll be a lot of heartache for you, trust me.
She’s not in a place where she wants to commit- she wants nights out and lots of guys numbers. Please think of yourself here and step away from her and her life.August 11, 2018 at 7:44 am #716655
Thanks guys. I’m not going to wait around for her or be her backup, I was a bit devastated in the few weeks after she ended it but now am feeling a bit better now. I have already removed her as a friend on Facebook, deleted our Whatsapp chat history and her number.
She is obviously looking for lots of attention and wanting to feel attractive at the moment – maybe she is very insecure? She doesn’t even seem to mind at the moment who is giving the attention. One of the guys I know she was chatting to, I accidentally saw his name on her whatsapp and couldn’t help but look at his twitter and facebook….. he is the exact opposite to me, massive burly guy, tattoos, 4 kids by 4 different women and his twitter was full of racism and bigotry. Obviously I didn’t tell her any of this.August 24, 2018 at 11:36 pm #718272
Been there done that. Had it done to me too. But not often in 4 decades. Bottom line: Have self respect. Use the oxygen mask theory: Love yourself first then you can take time to love someone else. The ultimate negotiating stance is be willing to walk away — totally — and not look back. Women are not worth the time unless they are totally into you. Yes, she probably will reach out to you again. They are breadcrumbs. The “reach out” means NOTHING! It is for her ego if she does. So, go spend the time to find your next love. She is out there. That I am sure of!August 25, 2018 at 11:51 am #718291
Massive, burley guy with tattoos and 4 kids by 4 different women, and he tweets racism. What a big fake post this is.August 25, 2018 at 12:02 pm #718292
I think it is fake too. Same vibe, writing style and theme as the others.August 25, 2018 at 9:19 pm #718318
I can promise it is not a fake post.
I made the mistake of adding her number back into my phone a few nights ago. I know I shouldn’t have but I’d had a few drinks after work.
Didn’t message her but just saw that she was online on Whatsapp for most of the evening which in all likelihood means that she is seeing someone new. I did think she was as her ex husband and kids were away for two weeks earlier this month so I assume she used the freedom and time to get into something new. Plus obviously she hasn’t reached out in the time since saying she wanted to take a break.
Has made me feel awful the last few days. I won’t be doing that again.
Feels like I’m back to square one again six weeks after she ended it with me.August 25, 2018 at 9:27 pm #718324
Give it up
Ask queen bee for a response Stephen.August 25, 2018 at 10:07 pm #718327
If she ended it with you, then move on with your life. Delete and block everything for your sake since you keep peaking. Go out with some buddies, hit on some women, find other activities to get your mind off her. Heal your heart and find another woman that wants to be with you and you her.September 26, 2018 at 10:04 am #722057
80 days no contact today. Still feeling pretty heartbroken and think about her everyday but am doing better, I’m now more sad that I also lost her as a friend.
I guess that as it’s almost been 3 months now since she ended it there is very little chance that I will hear from her again now?September 26, 2018 at 11:29 am #722062
It seems that you have a bad case of oneitis. Try imaging this woman with a face and figure 10 years older and you infatuation with her will vanish.
Rich I recommend that you read therationalmal(dot) com,returnofkings and heartiste.wordpress(.com).September 26, 2018 at 11:33 am #722063
You are 38, there are thousands of women out there. In their 20s and 30s, young, sexy.. Go explore and have fun. You do need to think of yourself, don’t you want a family? Do you want to deal with diapers in your mid 40s?
It is very hard to lose someone you love, but this woman is doing you a favour, another year and you’d be grateful to her for breaking if off.October 2, 2018 at 10:29 am #722910
Most times women write in with a similar story they are advised that just after a divorce people are not ready to commit. The stats show that the first relationship anyone has after a divorce is not usually long-term.
This woman hasn’t even got out of the marital home yet. She most likely did not mean to mess you around but did because she really needs space to be a single person again. She has obviously realised she doesn’t need a new partner right now.
Sounds like you do want one, so follow Emma’s advice.December 13, 2018 at 6:22 pm #732239
Well despite doing so much better over the last few weeks and months, I did something I shouldn’t have done out of curiosity and had a look at her Facebook page.
I saw a photo of her with another guy from a month or so ago, they are quite clearly a couple and it must be pretty serious as she had gone on holiday to the Caribbean with him along with her kids. I assume they would have got together fairly soon after we broke up as 4 months would be a fairly short amount of time to introduce a new partner to your children, let alone go on holiday with them I would have thought.
Anyway I am still doing ok, guess I’m just a little sad about it. In a way it might help me get the closure I’ve needed as she’s clearly moved on and isn’t coming back. Seeing this a couple of months ago would have floored me but I don’t feel too bad considering. Despite the sadness I even thought to myself upon seeing the photo ‘I hope she is happy’.December 13, 2018 at 7:29 pm #732242
Better off single
I’ve felt exactly what you’re going through. Kind of like a knife in the heart and you’re the one stabbing yourself going to her facebook page to see how she’s doing. I’m sucker for pain too.
It sucks having hopes for the future only for them to dump on it. I’ve been on the giving and receiving end on that. The giving end mostly because 100% truthfully I am not ready for any sort of romantic relationship with a person and they were persistent about staying in my life even when I asked them to go away and really didn’t want to put them in the friend zone. I didn’t mean for good. guess he took it that way and not much I can do about it anyway. I was going through a really tough time emotionally and it was very sweet this person wanted to be there, I know myself and I knew I would wind up pushing them away or shut them out which happened. It really confused me because I liked the person enough I wanted the romance. With me, falling in love comes with romance and honestly wasn’t quite sure what his intentions were.
Where I’m at in life makes me feel like I am not good enough for it so I want to be alone for awhile to get it together and rebuild my life. So when I am ready for it, the change and transition in my life would go smoother. If I were to do all of that right now, it would be a very huge challenge because my life is a mess. I’m realistic and never expect a man to come into my life and completely save me from the deep dark hole I’ve dug myself into. I want to be out of it and meet a man on the other side of it. I’m not helpless. I never expected him to wait or even stay. It’s not that I want to get a ton of men’s numbers or the attention. I started off that way when my last 8 year relationship ended because I was trying to fill a void, escape reality for awhile, feel kind of special for once, and get easy sex to just forget how I was feeling. I avoided men who were relationship material and went for emotionally unavailable ones now I just try to avoid them completely.
I think it’s so awesome you’re not bitter about it. I hope you find someone. Best of luck.December 13, 2018 at 9:07 pm #732247
What is the moral of the story?
Do. Not. Date. Some. One. Who. Is. Married.